


Drunk on Love

by krolium



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Divergence - s03e06, Love Potion/Spell, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krolium/pseuds/krolium
Summary: When a powerful infatuation drug hits the castle-ship, Lance and Pidge are left to deal with the ensuing chaos. Crack.





	1. Smote

**Author's Note:**

> That love-bug trope became popular a couple months back, so I decided to put my own spin on it. The twist? In this one, everyone is affected. This is Lance/Pidge-centric, but there's also a lot of Sheith and some crack shipping? I dunno. You'll see. It's weird. This fic is weird. Save yourself.
> 
> Inspired by a post @pidgance on tumblr made a few months back that you can find [here](http://pidgance.tumblr.com/post/164021464495/i-want-an-episode-where-pidge-and-lance-get-hit)

The first thing Lance saw when he woke up was a flurry of stars bubbling up in front of his eyes—black and white spots that clouded his vision and left him feeling woozy. "Man, what happened?" he mumbled to himself, voice rough as it shot up his dry windpipe and past his chapped lips. He coughed into his hand, clearing his throat as he sat up, blinking away the blotches in front of his eyes as everything came into focus around him.

Now that his vision was clear, he could tell that he was on the main deck of the castle. He was sitting on the floor, Pidge less than a foot to his right and still unconscious. Fortunately, she seemed unharmed as Lance glanced her over. Her tawny hair framed her soft face, glasses askew on her freckled little nose, bangs falling lightly atop her closed eyes. She was drooling in her sleep just a bit, and Lance thought she looked as cute as always (although it was nice to see her look so relaxed for once).

But that wasn't important now. He needed to figure out what was going on.

Lance shook his head and turned to the left. Shiro was a couple yards over, also knocked out but decidedly less cute. His current location seemed to match up with where he remembered Shiro standing before, which might have been a good sign. That meant that, unless they'd moved after Lance had become incoherent, Keith and Allura would be a few feet to Lance's rear, where they had been looking over the controls earlier.

Last he remembered- well, Lance wasn't quite sure what had last happened. Everything was sort of fuzzy, and he still felt like his head was full of cotton balls. He knew that Coran had left on a solo mission. They'd been fine without him for a while, but then….

Someone had attacked. Lance didn't quite remember what the ship looked like (except that it wasn't Galra. They had been trying to figure out who it  _was_ , if  _not_ the Galra). Shiro, Keith, and Allura had been trying to figure out the origin of the ship with what few sources they could muster on the spot. Keith had become increasingly impatient, insisting that they'd run out of time if they didn't strike soon. Shiro had said… something else. Something that Keith had disagreed with.

Yelling. Arguing. Panicking. Then, complete silence. Lance distantly recalled the sound of alarms, fumes of chemical-pink gas, and the intoxicating smell of bubblegum.

And that was when he'd passed out.

"What  _was_  that?" Lance asked nobody, clutching his throbbing head as he finally found the will to stand up. He made his way over to Pidge first, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. She didn't stir, so Lance leaned overtop her to whisper in her ear. "Pidge?"

He got a slap in the face for his troubles. "What the hell?" Pidge shot back, glasses sliding precariously down to the tip of her small, upturned nose as she jerked away from him. He distantly thought about counting the freckles across the bridge of it, but Pidge smacked him again for good measure, bringing him staggering back to reality. "Lance, get off me!" she yelled, face flushed with embarrassment.

Lance recoiled immediately, rubbing the red mark on his cheek (though it really hadn't hurt all that much; she'd likely just been trying to knock some sense into him). "Sorry, sorry! You passed out, and I was just trying to wake you up. Do you remember what happened?"

"Of course I-" She cut herself off, eyes wide. "I don't. The last thing I remember is that pink fog."

Lance perked up at the memory of the sickly-sweet smoke. "The stuff that smelled like bubblegum?"

"Yes!" Pidge nodded vigorously, staring at him with wide-eyed enthusiasm. "You saw it too?" Pidge was probably the smartest person Lance knew (including Hunk, who was pretty smart). He'd bet that she was well on her way to figuring out what the weird fog had been, and she'd only been awake, like, for thirty seconds.

"Yeah, and I'm guessing the rest of them did as well," Lance pointed out, motioning toward Keith and Allura sleeping in the back. "They're all still passed out on the floor."

"I can see that," Pidge replied. Her voice was distant, and Lance watched as her gaze darted all across the room before landing on Hunk's controls. "Where's Hunk?"

That… was a very good question. "I don't know. I don't think he was here before, either. He said something about checking on something. I don't remember the details."

"He's gotta be somewhere else on the ship. We'll have to go find him once we wake the others up."

Lance was about to reply, still concerned for Hunk's safety (what if the aliens with the fog had kidnapped him?), but he was interrupted by Keith, who let out a pained groan behind him.

"God, what just-" Keith cut himself off with a gasp.

Lance and Pidge both swiveled around to see what had happened—was he hurt?—but Keith was just sitting there, jaw dropped, staring at Allura.

"Wow," Keith murmured, eyes wide and face flushed bright pink. Even from a distance, Lance could tell that Keith's pupils were dilated, gray-violet irises almost completely drowned in black. Last Lance checked, that was  _not_ something human eyes normally did without drugs. Maybe it was a Galra thing?

Pidge tapped Lance on the shoulder to get his attention, one eyebrow raised. She didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes clearly said something like  _what the heck was that?_

Lance shrugged.  _I dunno, dude. Beats me._  Realizing that Pidge probably wasn't going to speak up until she finished analyzing the situation, he called out to Keith. "Hey, man! What's going on?"

Keith barely regarded him, refusing to take his eyes off of Allura. "Lance," he replied, voice low and dreamy, cracking at the edges as if he was so in awe that he was about to cry. "She's  _beautiful._ "

Wow, okay, so. Uh. That wasn't what Lance had been expecting, and from another confused look, he could tell that Pidge was at a loss as well.

There were a bunch of ways Lance could've responded to Keith. He probably should have kept things casual, asked some more questions, maybe surreptitiously checked for a fever, but no. Instead, when he opened his big fat mouth, all that came out was, "I thought you liked Shiro."

"Wait,  _what?_ " Pidge snapped. "He likes who?!"

"Who cares about Shiro?" Keith mumbled, eyes still glued to Princess Allura, and that's when Lance knew that something was very, very wrong.

Luckily, Pidge finally decided to intervene, standing up and marching over to where Keith was sitting. "Alright, that's it!" she cried, grabbing onto Keith's arm and pulling him away from the Princess. "Let's get you away from Allura. C'mon, Keith, move it! You look like you're about to jump her. Lance, a little help here?"

"Oh! Right." Lance made his way over to help her as she struggled with Keith's overwhelming strength. Together, they were barely strong enough to keep Keith from trying to claw his way back to Allura. Lance grabbed his arms and Pidge kept him from kicking and honestly, Keith had never looked less human to Lance. He was still struggling when they got him across the room, and it became abundantly clear that he would run off the second they let go of him.

"What do we do?" Pidge shouted as Keith let out a grunt, jerking his arms in an attempt to make Lance lose his grip. "Tie him to a chair?"

Actually, Lance thought that was a pretty good idea. "Got any rope?"

"Nope!"

Lance couldn't shrug when he was grabbing Keith's arms like that, so he just deadpanned and replied, "then I vote we don't tie him to a chair."

Pidge glowered. "Gee, thanks, Lance."

Lance was about to make an amazing comeback, but someone roughly grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him, making him lose his grip.

Shiro was standing over him, muscular arms crossed over his chest. "What are you doing to Keith?"

"I, ah-"

Pidge let out a cry as Keith finally broke free, making to sprint back to Allura.

Shiro stopped him, though, pulling him back by the collar of his jacket. "Keith, where are you going?" he asked casually, shooting the other boy an easy smile.

Keith didn't even seem to hear him, letting out a frustrated groan as he made grabby hands in Allura's direction. "Princess," was the only word that left his lips as he gasped for breath to yell.

Inwardly, Lance thanked the  _lord_  that Shiro was there to keep Keith from running off. The boy was getting increasingly wild, and even with their combined strengths, Lance wasn't sure how much longer he and Pidge would have been able to keep Keith at bay. But even with whatever animal-instincts were making Keith punch and kick and hiss, he was no match for Shiro's sheer muscular force. Keeping his robotic arm firm around Keith's shoulders, he plucked Keith up at the knee and held him bridal-style.

"What  _about_ the princess?" Shiro shot back, brow furrowed in frustration and- was that jealousy Lance spied? The flicker of anger in Shiro's eyes as his pupils dilated seemed to suggest so.

Huh. He'd never seen that from Shiro before. It was almost like-

Wait. Shiro's frigging  _pupils_. Again, they were dilated almost cartoonishly and Lance was pretty sure that this  _had_  to be a drug thing. He realized in that moment that Shiro's eyes had only left Keith's body once since Lance had noticed he'd woken up, and that was when Shiro had been trying to get Lance away from him.

Oh no.

"Allura? Why would you want Allura when you're right here in my arms," Shiro scoffed, and  _wow_ , drugged Shiro was a douchebag.

"No, I need her!" Keith shot back, struggling in vain against Shiro's hold. Again, this was especially trippy since usually, Keith would've killed to have this kind of attention from Shiro. Shiro had friend-zoned Keith years ago, and Lance was pretty sure that Shiro didn't even know how Keith really felt- or rather, how Keith  _had_ felt until he'd woken up obsessed with Allura.

Shiro shook his head, letting out a impatient sigh. "No, Keith, you don't need Allura. But, if you really want to, I can take you to her."

Keith's eyes went wide. "Please?" he begged.

"Fine. But I'll be right here next to you."

The two made their way to Allura, Shiro refusing to let go of Keith, who kept trying to shrug him off.

Lance, disgruntled, turned to Pidge. "Ummm…."

"Maybe we should-"

"Go look for Hunk?"

"Yes! Yep, let's go do that. Wow. Uh."

* * *

They found Hunk in the lounge, already awake and fiddling with some device. He was tapping on a touch screen, brow furrowed as he bit his lip in concentration. As far as Lance could tell, he wasn't madly in love with anyone, which was a good start.

"Hey guys," he said without looking up from the screen, "I'm just trying to figure out what happened to the ship. I'm running scans on that chemical that knocked us out—the pink stuff?—and it's not matching up with anything I can find. It looks like some kind of drug, though."

Lance let out a short laugh. "Yeah, that'd make sense. You should've seen what happened back on the deck, Keith was crazy about Allura!"

"He was?" Hunk asked. He turned to Lance, another question on the tip of his tongue, but the minute his eyes fell on Lance's face, Hunk's jaw dropped. His pupils dilated (just like Keith's and Shiro's had earlier) and he started stuttering out nonsense. "I… uh… you… wow."

"Aw, not you too!" Lance groaned.

Pidge stood on her tiptoes so she could wave a hand in front of Hunk's face, trying in vain to snap him out of it. When that didn't work, she snapped her fingers under his nose. "C'mon, Hunk! You've gotta focus. What kind of drug did it look like?"

"Lance," Hunk sighed, "your eyes. They're amazing. Wow, I- I can't believe I never noticed that before."

Though he was a bit flustered, Lance still managed to roll his eyes and groan in disdain. "Ughh, he's useless."

"And he seemed to have some information, too," Pidge added, swiping Hunk's device and starting to type frantically on the touch screen. "Wow, he was right. This doesn't match any sort of chemicals the castle is equipped to detect. Not only that, but it seems like it passed right under our radar. Usually, the castle is set to filter out any unfamiliar gases, but this didn't even register until it had already infiltrated the air system. The alarms went off, meaning that the castle's interior security detected a foreign substance, but the ship isn't equipped to process it. To the filtration system, that pink stuff might as well just be air."

"Weird pink bubblegum air?" Lance fired back, an eyebrow raised. "Looks like some kind of magic love potion to me. I mean, look at Hunk! We've been bros forever, and now he's smited. Uh, smitten.  _Smote._  He's frickin'  _smote_ , man."

"Only because you're so amazing," Hunk interjected, still looking at Lance with figurative hearts in his eyes. "Dude, I can't believe I never noticed how great you are before. Do you wanna go out sometime?"

Lance spluttered. Pidge laughed. "Oh god, you gotta admit, though: this is pretty funny. You guys are the most platonic bros to ever bro. It's kinda nice to see this side of it."

"No, it's not!" Lance retorted. "It's fricking weird! Hunk, really? You know we're just friends, right?"

"So you don't want to go out with me?" Hunk asked with a pout. "Is it because I'm not flirty enough? Wait-wait-wait! I have some pickup lines I could use on you!"

"Oh no," Lance said.

"Oh  _yes_ ," Pidge sassed back, smirking.

"Alright, alright, I think I've got one," Hunk announced. "Are you an asteroid, Lance? Because you rock my world."

Pidge snickered. "Aw, that was awful!"

Lance was too uncomfortable to even speak.

Hunk, however, looked troubled. "It was awful? Wait, I've got more! Lance, whenever I'm near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away."

"Why are all your lines so science-y?" Lance asked, and Hunk frowned for a moment as he tried to come up with another line.

"Okay, how about this?" he continued. "My love for you is like a concave-up function because it's always increasing."

Lance looked at Pidge, who shrugged. "I mean, technically that's math, not science, so you can't really complain."

"Dude, I don't even know what that means," Lance cried out, frustrated. Of course  _Pidge_ would be impressed by calculus and science-y science stuff. Lance could never get a grasp of it, himself, and now he kinda wished he could. Sure, Pidge was making fun of them, but she really did seem impressed by all these weird lines that Hunk was spouting off.

Hunk started talking again, inching closer to Lance as he became more and more dazed by the drug. "Wait, is this better? If I could be a superhero, I wouldn't be Iron-Man, Batman, or Superman, I would be Your Man."

"Hunk that…" Lance trailed off for a minute, brain short-circuiting. "That was actually pretty smooth, man."

And had they been in any other situation, Lance would've been elated to see Hunk look so happy, smiling proudly as he looked right into Lance's eyes. "Really? You think so? Does that mean I can go out with you?"

"Um-"

Pidge interrupted. "Yeah, Hunk, Lance would love to go out with you!"

"What?! I don't wanna-" but before Lance could finish saying that  _no_ , he did  _not_  want to go out with Hunk, Pidge elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow! I mean, uh, yeah? I guess I'll go out with you." Lance wasn't quite sure where Pidge was going with this, but when he looked at her, she gave him a wink, so she must've had some sort of plan.

"That's great!" Hunk exclaimed. "What should we do?"

Lance had no idea what to say, but Pidge spoke up. "Hey Lance, aren't you hungry?"

"What? Why would I-" Pidge elbowed him again. "Ow! Stop that! I mean, yeah, I'm starving? Do you-" and then it hit him. "Oh! Yeah, do you think you could make me something while I wait here, Hunk?"

Hunk's eyes went wide, and he grabbed onto Lance's arms as if they were the only thing grounding him in reality as he replied, "of  _course_  I can! I'll go make some food right now. I'll be  _right back_ , okay?"

"You got it, man," Lance said, faking a smile as he gently removed Hunk's hands from his arms.

Hunk immediately ran across the room to the doorway. Just before he left, though, he turned back around. "Oh, and Lance? I wish I were Adenine because then I could get paired with U."

Lance face-palmed. "Ughh, just go!"

And with that, Hunk happily freaking  _skipped_ out of the room like a freaking seven-year-old, humming to himself and probably fantasizing about holding hands with Lance or something gross like that.

Lance immediately turned to Pidge. "We need to get out of here."

However, Pidge didn't seem to hear him, too busy scowling at the door. Her fists were clenched at her sides, as if she was ready to throw a punch at any moment. Which was weird, considering that she'd seemed totally smug a few seconds ago.

"Uhh, Pidge?" Lance prompted, unsure of how to react. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Escaping? We finally got Hunk distracted, we probably need to leave pretty soon if we don't want him to catch up with us."

"Oh! Right, yeah," Pidge replied, shaking her head as her focus returned to the task at hand. Her eyes darted toward the door Hunk had left through one last time, then fell on another door on the opposite end of the lounge.

"Alright, my room's closer. Let's go!" she told Lance as she grabbed his hand, and half-dragged him out of the room. She didn't let go as they ran down the halls, Lance left dumbfounded as Pidge led him to her room. She didn't drop his hand until they were sitting on the bed in Pidge's messy room, door firmly shut and locked.

"Okay," Lance said, once he'd caught his breath (man, Pidge could  _run)_. "What the heck is going on?"


	2. Fire Safety 101

"What the heck is going on?" Lance demanded as he sat down next to Pidge on the bed, still a bit winded from running down the hall. He turned to look at her, pupils dilated the same way Keith's, Shiro's, and Hunk's had been earlier. So far, his eyes were the only evidence Pidge had that Lance had been affected by the fumes at all.

"Good question," Pidge said, pulling out Hunk's device and running through the scanners one last time. There had to be  _something_  useful there, right? There were a finite number of naturally-occurring compounds in the universe; unless this was Altean magic, there was no way the scanners wouldn't be able to analyze  _something_ , right?

And why such a wide variety of reactions? Keith had acted stoned, Hunk had seemed almost normal other than the obvious crush, and Shiro had gotten standoffish and aggressive, while Lance-

"Hey, don't you think it's weird that we're the only normal ones?" Lance asked, interrupting her train of thought. "I mean, we both smelled that bubblegum stuff, too! Shouldn't we be all mushy and gross as well?"

"I was just thinking about that, actually. Maybe it's more subtle in us," Pidge guessed. At least, that would explain the way her brain had lit itself on fire when Lance had called Hunk 'smooth'. She'd tried to hide it, but her first instinct after hearing  _that_ had been to punch Hunk in the face (and damn, was Pidge glad that she had stifled that particular urge before she'd done something stupid).

There was one catch, though, that kept her from trying to explain this all to Lance: like it or not, Pidge probably would've felt jealous either way. Although she'd tried to will her feelings away, she'd had a crush on Lance for months now, and this wasn't the first time she'd gotten jealous of his potential love interests. She hated to admit it, but this was simply a more extreme version of how she'd always felt.

Or was that just the drugs talking? Maybe the love-drug could change her memories to make her think she'd already had a crush.

Lance raised an eyebrow. "I dunno, Pidge. You seem pretty normal to me, and I'm not feeling weird either."

"Your pupils are dilated, though," she told him, shaking off the memory-bending theory before she could have an existential crisis over it. If she couldn't trust her own mind, then she'd never be able to figure all this out.

"They are?" Lance blurted. "Wait, yours are too! How- what-  _you_ haven't been feeling mushy and gross in the past few minutes, have you?"

"Well, no," she muttered back. Again, she wondered if she should explain that aggressive episode back in the lounge. It had seemed a bit too extreme to be  _just her_ , but she still couldn't find a good way to tell Lance that she was jealous of Hunk. It sounded stupid, even in her head. But maybe-

Shiro. "I mean, Shiro wasn't exactly acting romantic either," she pointed out. "Didn't you notice?" Shiro hadn't acted anything like Hunk or Keith had. If anything, he'd acted the way Pidge had wanted to act when she'd been jealous.

"Yeah, he was kinda being a tool back there," Lance agreed.

"Why would that happen, though?" Pidge asked. "It seems like that drug usually causes some sort of infatuation, but it didn't make Keith or Hunk that aggressive." Maybe that was it. Maybe, the drug made some people act like they were stoned, while others got aggressive.

That didn't explain why Lance was unaffected, though. Or why Shiro had shown his aggression so much sooner than she had. And for all she knew, Shiro was just acting like that because he was jealous. Maybe Keith or Hunk would've done the same, in the right situation. Essentially, she had no way to prove anything at this point.

"Huh," Lance huffed, furrowing his brow in thought. Though she really wanted to concentrate on figuring this out, Pidge's brain couldn't help but remind her that Lance was  _cute_  with his blue eyes gazing casually at hers and the way he was biting his lip in thought….

"Okay, I think I've got something," Lance exclaimed, snapping Pidge out of whatever trance she'd almost fallen into.

 _Why, brain, why? Focus!_  Pidge shook her head. "What is it?"

Lance perked up at that, probably excited that Pidge was entertaining his theories in the first place. "Alright, hear me out. Maybe, the aliens who released the love potion stuff captured the real Shiro and replaced him with a clone who's a douchebag!"

Okay, wait.

"And maybe," Lance continued, before Pidge could even finish processing that first bit, "the douchebag-clone is here to destroy Voltron from the inside, and they released the love potion so that we'd all fall in love with him and we wouldn't notice that he's a clone!"

Pidge stifled a laugh, hiding it behind a deadpan glare. "Yeah, that's genius," she replied sardonically. "Got any real theories?"

Lance groaned. "Oh, c'mon, you were supposed to laugh! Wasn't that at least a little bit funny? I mean, can you imagine? Shiro, a  _clone?_ "

"Well, it's a little bit hard to tell whether you're being serious or not sometimes," Pidge teased, a cocky grin playing at her lips. "Seriously, though. Any real theories? I'm drawing a blank."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "If you're drawing a blank, how the heck am I supposed to know what's going on? Aren't you usually the one who can figure stuff like this out?"

 _Well, yes, but I got distracted by how cute you are,_ Pidge thought to herself, resisting the urge to face-palm. She tried to hide her embarrassment, but she could still feel her cheeks heating up, which probably meant that she was bright red. Ugh. "Just a bit distracted," she mumbled, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Yeah," Lance snarked back, "I know my good looks can have that effect."

"What?" Pidge yelped. Her voice jumped an octave, and her face was probably even more flushed than it'd already been. She could only hope Lance didn't notice how humiliated she was. "I'm not-"

"Cool it, cool it," Lance interrupted with a laugh. "I know, we're just friends. Trust me, I'm not interested either."

"Right, right! Course not," Pidge replied. She tried to laugh with him, but it came out awkward and forced. Deciding she'd had enough embarrassment for now, she changed the topic. "Hey, remember that thing we were supposed to be talking about? Y'know, before you totally derailed the conversation?"

"Well, gee, I dunno Pidge," Lance shot back. "It's not like we really know enough about this stuff to figure out what's going on with Shiro, anyway! For all we know, my clone theory was right and we're both just idiots. Maybe for now, we should focus on what to do about the rest of this mess. I mean, we've gotta leave this room at some point, and Hunk's gonna be all over me like Keith was all over Allura earlier."

As much as she wanted to figure this out now, she had to admit that Lance was right: they needed more evidence before they could prove anything. "Yeah, I guess we should wait for Coran to come back. Maybe he knows what's going on." She'd have to figure out what was happening with Shiro and herself later. "And speaking of Allura, did we actually just leave her alone with Shiro and Keith, who are both doped up on that love drug?"

"Um." Lance's face went slack, first with confusion, then—and Pidge could see exact moment it shifted—with dread. "Maybe?"

"So, right now," Pidge continued, "Keith's probably trying to fight Shiro to the death for a chance to watch over Allura's sleeping body?"

"Unless she woke up, and they're all fighting to the death."

To emphasize Lance's words, Pidge's brain supplied an image of Shiro, Allura, and Keith in a three-way standoff, weapons out and ready to kill each other. Her mouth went dry, and she felt her stomach drop. She tried to keep a calm exterior, though, as she said, "maybe, we should-"

Suddenly, there was a loud  _crash_  coming from the hall, followed by a  _bang_  and the sound of the castle's fire alarms going off. Pidge may have been imagining it, but she swore she could smell smoke.

She leapt to her feet. Lance shot up as well, looking just as terrified as Pidge felt.

"Shoot, that can't be good," Lance replied, running out into the hallway, Pidge at his heels.

Now that they were out in the open, Pidge could tell that no _,_  she hadn't been imagining it, she really could smell smoke coming from the kitchen. From the other direction, toward the main deck, she could distantly hear the sounds of Shiro and Allura yelling overtop the blaring fire alarm.

 _So she did wake up_.

"You figure out what Shiro and Allura are doing!" Lance yelled over the smoke alarm, which was starting to make her ears ring. "I'll go see Hunk!"

Oh, no. No, he was  _not_ going to go see Hunk. Pidge's hands clenched into fists at her sides as she tried to fight off another wave of completely irrational jealousy. Honestly, she couldn't let Lance leave her side for just a couple minutes? Seriously? That had to be the love-drug, right?

Frustrated, she came up with a flimsy excuse to cover up her faulty, crush-addled, probably-drug-boggled mind. "No," she retorted, "Hunk'll be all over you, and you have a better chance of taking Shiro and Allura down anyway. You've got a long-range weapon."

"Okay," Lance said, "I'll go see what I can do." And without so much as another glance in her direction, he darted off toward the yelling.

* * *

 About six months ago, when Pidge had accidentally set a space-tortilla on fire in the kitchen, Hunk had made fun of her for weeks afterward.

Oh, how the tables had turned.

When Pidge entered the kitchen, the first thing that caught her eye wasn't the spilled milkshake, or the plate of half-cooked space-nachos that the milkshake had been spilled atop. At first, she didn't even notice the fact that every cupboard in the kitchen was open, or that the floor was littered with oven mitts. It took a minute for Pidge to even realize that Hunk was crying in the corner.

No, the first thing she noticed was the _gigantic grease fire_  burning in a pan on the stove. Which was funny, because Hunk had always claimed that the biggest kitchen fire he'd ever seen was the tip of a butane torch heating up a crème brûlée. Had the situation not freaked her the hell out, she might've paused to snap a picture.

Instead, she launched into action. Pidge found a lid in the cabinet to smother the flames with, turning off the heat and dropping the lid on top of the pan. Luckily, the fire hadn't left the skillet yet, so that seemed to put it out. Finally, Pidge walked to the control panel by the door and deactivated the smoke alarm.

Then she went to see why the hell Hunk was crying in the corner instead of putting out a fire. "Hunk, what's going on?" she asked, trying to sound at least a bit sympathetic. Not that she didn't care that Hunk was crying, it's just that this whole love-drug situation was a bit too weird for her to really empathize.

"Lance!" Hunk blubbered back. "He's- I can't- where's Lance? I want to talk to Lance."

Pidge stifled a growl. "He's busy right now; he probably doesn't want you to bother him."

"But Lance-"

"Okay, that's it!" Pidge snarled back, stamping her foot. Figuring she could probably shock him back to sanity, she reached for the food goo-dispenser and sprayed him in the face.

And for the first time today, something finally seemed to go Pidge's way. Hunk spat out a mouthful of food goo, wiping the rest off his face with a stray oven mitt (related: why were there so many oven mitts everywhere?). "Oh, gross,  _Pidge!_  What did you do that for?"

"You were getting all dopey about Lance," she replied. "Did you even notice the grease fire you started?"

Hunk looked scandalized. "Okay, one: Lance is super cute, and you can't blame me for getting distracted by him. Two: there's no way I started a grease fire. I've told you a million times, Pidge-"

"Kitchen safety is priority number one," she droned back. "Explain that mess on the stove, then. It was you trying to make something for Lance in that pan, right?"

There was a pause. Hunk glanced over at the stove, ready to argue. Upon seeing all the smoke surrounding the pan, though, his righteously-angry scowl slipped into a depressed pout. "Oh," he said.

"'Oh' is right!" Pidge agreed. "Hunk, you're probably the best cook in the galaxy, how did this even happen?"

Hunk thought about it for a minute, then said, "I think I might've accidentally dropped an oven mitt in the frying pan when I was looking for something to clean up the milkshake spill with."

"What were you even trying to make?" It wasn't like Hunk needed a frying pan for milkshakes or space-nachos. Or a thousand oven-mitts, for that matter.

"Well," Hunk replied, staring off into the distance as he tried to recall the event, "I was planning on making space-French toast (or I guess that'd just be space-toast? whatever). It was for Lance, but then I realized that Lance likes milkshakes better. But then I remembered that Lance gets brain-freezes really easily, so I decided to make space-nachos instead. But  _then_  I accidentally spilled the milkshake on the space-nachos-"

"I can see that," Pidge muttered under her breath, peering up at the soggy, uncooked space-nachos on the counter.

Hunk prattled on like he hadn't even realized she'd said anything. "And so," he continued, "I started looking for a towel, but all I could find were Altean oven mitts. Can you believe there are 67 Altean oven mitts in this kitchen? And not a single towel? Then I remembered that actually, Lance's favorite food is garlic knots, so I decided to make those, but then I realized that we don't have any garlic! It was awful!"

Pidge tried not to laugh. "So you started crying?"

"Yes," Hunk replied with a sniffle.

"Okay."

"Can I go see Lance now?" he asked, apparently unable to focus on anything that wasn't Lance for more than about thirty seconds.

And, of course, Pidge couldn't exactly let Hunk see Lance right now, since he would just get all clingy again. "No."

Hunk frowned. "Why not?"

"He's, uh, he's still busy," she stuttered out, but Hunk didn't look impressed with that, so she added, "with, uh, Shiro."

"Aw, not Shiro!" Hunk groaned in despair.

Pidge raised an eyebrow. "Why not Shiro?"

"Lance loves Shiro!"

Suddenly, Pidge really wanted to stalk down the hallway and smack Shiro in the face. "Wait. What?!" This was worse than the aggressive episode with Hunk back in the lounge. This time, she was actually tempted to walk up to Shiro and taze him with her bayard. Which wasn't good, because there was no way she could possibly take Shiro in a fight.

"Don't you remember? Shiro is Lance's hero!" Hunk whined, face falling into a pout. "He practically worships the guy. There's no way I'll have a chance with Lance against Shiro."

Distantly, the logical side of Pidge's brain noted that, even when he was jealous, Hunk wasn't nearly as aggressive as Shiro or herself. However, the less-logical side of her brain decided that now would be a very good time to check to make sure Lance hadn't actually fallen in love with Shiro. And maybe she could also take him away from Shiro and never let go of him again. That sounded reasonable. Probably. Maybe.

Lance didn't really like Shiro, right? Right? That'd be crazy. Then again, Lance was a bit crazy…. Like, that time when-

"Uh, Pidge? Pidge?" Hunk cried, startling Pidge back to reality.

Wait, had she honestly just gotten jealous of  _Shiro?_  Like,  _Space Dad?_  Okay, that love-drug stuff was definitely messing with her head. She had to get to the bottom of this before she went completely insane.

She shook her head, forcing herself to concentrate. "Yeah, Hunk?"

"Seriously, though, why can't I go see Lance?" he demanded, fear creeping into his tone. "Is he okay? He's not dead, is he? Oh no, what if he's dead?"

Wow. She'd almost forgotten how quickly Hunk could jump to the absolute worst conclusion. "Hunk, Lance is  _not_  dead," she assured him. "I mean, unless he died trying to get Shiro and Allura away from each other."

Hunk's eyes went wide. "Wait, Lance got in a fight with Shiro and Allura?"

Oh no. She probably shouldn't have said that. "I mean, maybe?" she admitted, since she couldn't think of a better excuse off the top of her head. This drug was totally messing with her, and it was only getting worse as time wore on.

And, of course, Hunk panicked. "He's gonna get killed! I've gotta go after him!" He made a run for the door.

"Wait, Hunk-" Pidge tried to stop him, latching onto his vest, but Hunk just shrugged it off and kept going.

"Don't worry, Lance!" he shouted as he ran down the hall. "I'm coming to rescue you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read this aloud to my roommate and asked, "alright, is there anything in this that's unrealistic?" I was hoping she would tell me whether the Pidge stuff was too sudden or not.
> 
> Instead, my roommate replied, "Yeah, actually. There's no way there are really sixty-seven Altean oven mitts in that kitchen and no towels! That'd be crazy!"
> 
> She's not wrong.


	3. The Twilight Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, someone on ff.net finally brought up the characters' ages. If you're on Tumblr, you probably know how contentious the age discourse is, so I figured I'd try to clear things up? Please don't kill me. Tbh? I don't really care what ages you use for these characters. They're cartoons, do what you want. If you really want ages, though, I'd put Hunk and Lance at 19, and Keith at 20. Pidge is the youngest at 17, and Shiro is the oldest at 23. Allura's not from Earth, so I won't assign her an age.

At the time, Pidge's reasoning had sounded perfect. "Hunk'll be all over you," she'd said, "and you have a better chance of taking Shiro and Allura down anyway. You've got a long-range weapon."

Yes, he did have a long-range weapon, and yes, Hunk  _would_  have been all over Lance, so that all seemed legit. "Okay," he'd replied, "I'll go see what I can do." And without hesitation, he'd headed down the hallway toward the sound of Shiro and Allura yelling at each other.

Until he'd pulled out his bayard, formed the long-range weapon Pidge had been talking about, and realized: "wait a minute…. Is this really the plan? Pull out my laser gun and, what, shoot Keith in the face?"

What exactly had Pidge been thinking? By this point, he sort of took her intelligence for granted, and he'd kind of just assumed that any plan she came up with must've been great. Maybe she'd expected him to bluff? With a laser gun? Against his friends? Maybe. Or maybe Pidge just hadn't been thinking, for the first time in her life.

Wasn't not thinking Lance's job?

No, that was impossible. Pidge was a genius; if Lance couldn't figure out what Pidge had wanted him to do, that was on him.

He'd just have to wing it, then. He retracted his bayard as he walked onto the main deck, the source of all the bickering.

Shiro and Allura were almost nose-to-nose, scowling at each other as they argued. Keith stood awkwardly behind Allura, seeming confused but a bit less dazed than he'd been before.

"Quit messing with Keith's head," Shiro growled as he leaned in closer. He looked like he wanted to make a grab for Keith, but he was too far away. Either way, his stance was ridiculously aggressive, like a rabid wolf ready to pounce.

Allura looked more defensive, holding a protective arm up in front of Keith. In any other scenario this would've been hilarious to Lance. Keith didn't exactly need someone protecting him, and even if he did, there was no way Keith would  _let_  someone protect him, anyway. Now, though, he stood passively, alternating between shooting Shiro bewildered looks and gazing at Allura like an idiot in love.

For once, Lance could relate. He'd been there, too, before he'd gotten over Allura for good.

"Stop trying to get between us!" Allura shot back. "There's nothing wrong with Keith's head!"

Okay, so…. Lance had no clue what to do with this disaster. Shiro and Allura were both strong and potentially-violent enough that he didn't want to risk getting in the crossfire. Instead, he walked up to Keith.

"So, what the quiznak is going on?" Lance asked, tapping Keith's shoulder to get his attention.

"Well, Shiro's being an asshole and Allura's trying to defend our honor, I think?" Keith replied, eyes still glazed over. "I don't know. I'm confused. Allura's so pretty."

Keith looked a bit overwhelmed by this realization, so Lance rested a consoling hand on his shoulder. "I mean, you're not wrong," he declared. "But don't you think we should, you know, do something about this? Before someone gets hurt?"

Lance was expecting Keith to get scared and maybe protective of Allura, but no. Instead, Keith laughed at him. "Nah, the Princess isn't gonna get hurt," he replied with snort. "Allura's super strong. She can fend for herself."

That was true. If Shiro and Allura really did come to blows, Lance wasn't really worried about Allura's safety. "What about Shiro, though?" he asked, picturing Allura tossing Shiro clean across the deck.

"Who cares about Shiro?" Keith scoffed.

It was the second time Lance had heard that line today, and the words still made him feel like he'd face-planted into the Twilight Zone. "Dude, there is seriously something wrong with you. Weren't you, like, in love with him? Y'know, yesterday?"

"Yeah, but not anymore," Keith sighed as he looked back over at Allura with a stupid smile. "I mean, Princess Allura, man. Princess Allura."

Had Keith been saying this four months ago, Lance might've been jealous. Now, though? He was kind of sick of hearing it. Allura was great, but he didn't see her like that anymore. If anything, hearing Keith talk like this reminded him of a time when he'd been super self-conscious and unsure of himself. He realized now that flirting with Allura had been a way of getting attention from the nearest pretty face. Now, he could respect her as more than just a beautiful alien girl. She was a friend, just like Hunk or Shiro or Keith. Or Pidge. Man, Pidge was such a good friend. He couldn't imagine what she must've been going through with Hunk right now. Probably something just as frustrating as this mess, if not worse.

Lance let out a groan, snapping his fingers in Keith's face. "Keith, we need to focus."

Keith turned back to him, but he didn't look all too happy to be distracted from his new love. "Gee, Lance, since when are you the responsible one?"

Lance's blood ran cold. Had someone just uttered his name and the word 'responsible' in the same sentence? Had this madness really turned him into the only sane one? Other than Pidge. Pidge was still awesome.

Maybe he really was in the Twilight Zone.

"That's it, Keith!" Allura shouted, shaking Lance from his thoughts. "If Shiro can't accept that we're in love, we'll just have to go somewhere else."

"Yeah. Sure. Cool," Keith replied dazedly as Allura grabbed his arm and started to drag him away.

Lance would've been chill with this had Shiro not  _literally pounced_  at the two of them. There was no way Lance was strong enough to out-muscle Shiro, so he just yelled, "Shiro, cut it out!"

Which was, as he should've expected, completely useless.

"No, she's brainwashing him, I can tell!" Shiro barked, cornering Allura (who was still getting in the way of Keith). "I know Keith better than anyone, and this isn't him! What did you do to him?" With that, Shiro let out a snarl as he pinned Allura to the ground, knocking Keith out of the way with a careless shove.

Keith gave a pained hiss as he landed on his side, skidding across the floor toward Lance, who winced. "Shoot, Keith, are you okay?"

"Ouch," Keith cried, rubbing his arm, which had taken the brunt of the blow. "Yeah, it hurts, though."

Not that he took pleasure in Keith's pain or anything, but that gave him an idea. "Shiro!" he called. "Can't you see that you're hurting Keith?"

"What?!" In an instant, Shiro and Allura were both on their feet, running toward Keith.

Lance stopped them before they could get there. "Allura, can't you see that if you get too close to Keith, Shiro could hurt him again?"

Allura paused. "Well, yes, but-"

"And Shiro," Lance continued, facing him, "you said that Keith's acting up, but can't you tell that Allura's being weird, too?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And haven't you noticed that you're suddenly a lot more violent than you were a couple minutes ago? See, Keith may be fine now, but if you don't chill out, you could really hurt him," he added, motioning to Keith, still clutching his arm on the floor. "Do you want to be the reason he ends up in a cryopod?"

Shiro paused for a moment as his eyes took in Keith's appearance, physically fine but a bit disheveled and battered as he lay on the ground. Likely realizing that  _he_  was the one who'd put Keith through that, he turned back to Lance with downcast, guilty eyes. Clenching his jaw, he shook his head. "No."

Lance nodded. "And what about you, Allura?"

"No," Allura agreed.

"Good." Since they were acting like children, Lance decided to put on his 'talking-to-kindergarteners' voice. "Alright, we're gonna do this the way I always did when I was babysitting my younger cousins! Shiro, you're gonna sit over there-" here he pointed to one end of the deck- "and Allura, you're gonna sit over there!" And here he pointed to the other side of the deck.

They both gawked at him, confused.

Lance sighed. "Now! Come on!"

Apparently, Lance's voice was assertive enough this time around, because they both obeyed without question. Allura walked primly to her side of the room and sat down on her knees, while Shiro sat cross-legged in his corner and sulked.

"Alright, first… Keith, are you okay?" he asked, glancing Keith over to make sure he didn't have any other visible injuries. "Do you need, like, a space band-aid?" Did they even have band-aids in space?

Keith was still rubbing his arm, which was visibly bruised, but he shook his head. "I think I'm okay. Can I go see Allura now?"

"Not until we get this sorted out," Lance murmured back, reminded of his four-year-old cousin whenever she begged for something  _now_. "Can you please wait here until then?"

Pouting, Keith seemed to contemplate this for a moment, then replied, "I think so?"

"Good. Now, Allura, explain. What's going on?" If he and Pidge were right about this drug, then she'd woken up and seen Keith first—not surprising, given that Keith had been all over her.

Allura let out a huff. "Shiro is impeding the path of true love!"

Shiro gasped, offended. "Oh, and you've been love for how long? What, like, seven minutes?"

"Nah, Shiro it's been,  _at least_ , like, an hour," Keith corrected him, like that was any better.

"But Keith, I've loved you for years!" Shiro cried. His scowl crumpled, leaving him with an offended pout. He looked so genuinely hurt that Lance almost wondered whether it was just the love stuff, or if Shiro was actually in love with Keith. This was one seriously convincing drug.

"Well," Allura retorted, "you should have told him that sooner, then, because he's clearly moved on!"

"But he hasn't! Both of you have gone crazy, can't you see that?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lance interjected, still using his condescending voice. He clapped his hands to get everyone's attention, and made sure everyone was silent before he continued. "One person gets to talk at a time, and right now, it's Allura's turn. Allura, what happened when you woke up?"

"Well," Allura went on, "I awoke, and Keith was hovering over me, and I looked into his eyes, and they were the most gorgeous shade of lavender-"

"You think my eyes are gorgeous?" Keith interrupted, looking at Allura in awe.

"Keith," Lance chided with a longsuffering sigh, "it's Allura's turn to talk."

"Oh, right, sorry," Keith blurted, going red in the face. Lance thought he looked kind of like an over-attentive first-grader right now, sitting up a bit straighter than usual and looking Allura in the eye, ready to absorb every word she said. It was a bit cute, but mostly just unsettling.

Lance couldn't quite handle it, so he turned back to the princess and said, "Allura, what were you trying to say?"

"Right, so I looked into Keith's eyes, and they were beautiful," Allura gushed, "and that's when I realized that I was irrevocably in love with him. I can't believe I didn't see it before. Keith, you're  _amazing_."

Keith gasped. "You think I'm amaz-"

"Keith," Lance groaned. "Please."

Allura didn't seem bothered though, nodding her head vigorously. "Yes, Keith, you're the most amazing person I've ever met! So, anyway, I told Keith that I loved him, and he said that he loved me as well, and so we decided to get married."

"You decided to what?" Lance yelped. That wasn't what he'd been expecting at all.

"Yeah, we're gonna married," Keith confirmed with a dopey grin. "Isn't that awesome?"

Lance almost let out a sigh of relief at Keith's words. Okay, so they hadn't gotten married yet (probably because they didn't have anyone to officiate). That was good, right? At least he and Pidge wouldn't need to worry about annulling a space wedding. Yet.

That's when Lance noticed that Shiro was growling in the corner. "Well, no, I'm not jealous, but I think someone else might be. Are you sure now's really the best time?"

Then Allura cleared her throat. "If you'll excuse me, Lance, I believe it was my turn to speak."

"I-" Lance started to retort, but then he realized it was futile. That, and if Lance was allowed to break the rules, then there was nothing to stop anyone else from breaking the rules, and Lance didn't want this to devolve into chaos again. "Yeah, fine," he conceded. "You're right. Go on?"

"And so, after we got engaged, Shiro started going insane!"

"Because it  _is_  insane!" Shiro shot back, face red with rage. "Keith's barely twenty, and we're in the middle of a war! And you're not even in love! Why can't you just-"

"Shiro, shut up!" Lance shouted over him. Man, someone had really knocked a screw loose in Shiro's brain. Lance had only seen him get this angry one other time, and that was at  _Slav_. "You're not wrong," he explained to him, more calmly, "but we need to know what's happening so that we can figure out a cure. Or, I guess, so  _Pidge_  can figure out a cure, since she knows about science-y stuff. Yeah. You get it, right?"

Shiro bit his lip to keep himself from lashing out again, then hunched over, folding his arms over his chest. "Fine, but I don't like this. Keith is  _not_  supposed to be in love with Allura."

"Why wouldn't I be in love with Allura?" Keith said, voice cracking the way it always did when he was shocked and offended. "She's the most badass, beautiful girl in the galaxy!"

"Well, I dunno, Keith" Lance countered, "there are lots of girls in the galaxy. And, I mean, Pidge is also a total badass."

Keith sneered. "You're joking, right?"

"Hey, Pidge is great, okay?"

"Lance, weren't we trying to find a cure?" Shiro butt in, speaking through gritted teeth. While Lance had been looking away, Shiro had uncrossed his arms, and now his hands were clenched into fists so tight that his palms were probably bleeding. "I can't- Lance, you're right, I'm not acting normally, and I'm really trying not to lose my cool here!"

"Right." Lance shook his head, forcing himself to focus. "Allura, did you have anything else to say?"

"Well, no, except that I didn't know that Shiro could be so rude!" she derided, turning up her nose in disgust. "Can you believe that he'd try to pick a fight like this on the day of our engagement? I mean, I got out the engagement bracelets and everything! See?" She held up her wrist for Lance to see.

Ooh, engagement bracelets? That sounded sorta cute, actually.

Lance walked up to Allura to get a closer look. "That-" He deadpanned. "That just looks like a normal friendship bracelet."

"That's what I said!" Shiro yelled from the other end of the deck.

"Well, they're not  _just friendship bracelets_ ," Keith spat, so offended that his voice had raised half an octave. "They're a traditional Altean custom and they're amazing, okay?" He stood up, scowling at Lance, silently challenging him to disagree.

"Got it, got it," Lance said, raising his hands in a show of concession. Yikes, he did  _not_ want Keith challenging him to a fight over some fake wedding bracelets. "Geez, cool your jets, Keith. I'm not saying your engagement isn't legit or whatever. I'm just a bit wonked out because I think you might've been affected by that weird pink fog stuff."

Keith raised an eyebrow. He didn't exactly look offended anymore—more just confused and indignant—but he kept arguing nonetheless. "Hey, if anything, the weird pink fog stuff cleared my head and made me realize that I'd been in love with Allura all along!"

"Keith's right!" Allura chimed in. "If it weren't for the fog, I'd still be blind to my affections. And if it weren't for  _Shiro_ , we probably would've kissed and sealed our engagement already."

Wow, and the thought of Keith and Allura kissing was all Lance needed to decide: "Well, this probably couldn't get any weirder."

And then Hunk sprinted into the room and tackled Lance to the floor, shouting, "Lance! I'm here to rescue you!"

* * *

 

Out of all the paladins, Lance would usually say that the best hugger of the group was Hunk. Not now, though. Now, Hunk's hug was just kinda killing his lungs. He had Lance pinned to the floor, arms wrapped around his shoulders in a bone-crushing hold. Man, Lance had almost forgotten how strong Hunk was. Ouch.

"Hey, buddy," Lance choked out. He tried to force a casual smile, but it felt like a grimace on his lips. "How's it going, bro?"

Hunk's face was just inches from his own, and the look he was giving Lance was just a bit too romantic for comfort. Lance didn't really have any concept of 'personal space', but this was claustrophobic, even for him. He was looking right into Hunk's eyes, dilated from the drugs and bloodshot from… something else. Had Hunk been crying? His eyes did look watery. Maybe he'd been cutting space-onions or something.

"Lance, I missed you so much!" Hunk replied tearfully, gripping Lance tighter, if that was even possible. "I tried to make you food, but I got distracted thinking about how far away you were, and I couldn't find anything to make garlic knots with! I'm so sorry! Are you alright? Nothing happened while I was gone, right?"

"Dude," Lance gasped, voice thin and raspy. "Can't breathe."

Hunk startled. "Shoot, I'm so sorry!" In retrospect, he should've expected it, but Lance still felt his hackles raise when Hunk started fussing over him. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to crush you!"

Lance's hair was standing on end. It was so frickin'  _weird_ to have Hunk hovering over him like this. "It's cool, man!" he blurted before Hunk could continue. "I'm fine, see?" He stood up to demonstrate. Sure, his shoulder twinged a bit as he lifted his body off the ground, and his legs were a little shaky as he tried to get his footing, but overall? Totally cool.

"Sorry," Hunk apologized for the third time, giving Lance another, gentler hug. "I just- we were apart for, like, a whole varga, y'know? That's a long time to go without hugging the love of my life!"

He didn't quite know how to reply to that, so Lance let himself sink into the hug, patting Hunk on the back in consolation. This hug, at least, was a lot comfier than the last one. "Yeah, bro. I feel you."

Lance didn't feel him at all.

And that's when Pidge burst into the room, yelling, "Hunk, I told you not to run after Lance!" She looked a bit winded, but that didn't stop her from nearly growling at the scene in front of her. "Get off him! He doesn't want you that close to him!"

It looked like she was ready to reach for her bayard to shock someone, so Lance stopped her. "Wait! No, it's alright, see? Hunk and I are just, ah, really close, y'know?" he said, patting Hunk on the back again to emphasize his point.

That didn't seem to calm Pidge down all that much, though. She clenched her jaw, contorting her face as she inhaled sharply through her nose. Then, screwing her eyes shut, she let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, totally," she snapped, making a pinched face like she'd just swallowed a shot of nunvill. "Just two bros, hugging it out, completely platonically."

It seemed totally crazy, but Pidge looked almost jealous. The way she leered at Lance, lips pulled into a disapproving frown—well, Lance was a pretty jealous person, himself, and that definitely looked like jealousy to him. He'd shot that look to plenty of guys before, and it'd always been when someone was trying to hit on a girl he liked.

Maybe Pidge liked Hunk?

Before he could ask or try to pull away, though, Hunk decided to speak up. "Pidge, we're not just two platonic bros anymore! We're in love. I mean, obviously. Right, Lance?"

Lance was about to brush him off, but then he saw the expectant look in Hunk's eyes. He definitely wasn't into Hunk, but he didn't wanna just leave his best friend hanging, either, especially when his brain was scrambled from that drug. "Yeah, man. Totally."

He didn't miss the angry flash in Pidge's eyes, the way they suddenly looked like they were on fire, molten brown and deep, dilated black. Beautiful and completely intimidating.

Hunk didn't even notice, though. "But yeah, anyway, I was thinking about you the whole time you were gone, Lance! And I came up with some new pickup lines, since I know you like them so much."

Oh no. Not when Pidge was right there, glaring at Lance like he'd just destroyed her computer.

"Y'know, Lance," Hunk continued, blissfully unaware of the tension, "there must be some chemistry between us, because I'm feeling something… explosive."

"Oh, shut up!" Pidge spat, and Lance could practically see the steam billowing from her pink-tinged ears. "That's not even your line!  _I'm_ the one who taught you it, back in the Garrison."

Wait, hold up. Pidge was using pickup lines on Hunk? Maybe she did like him, after all.

Honestly, that made a lot of sense. Pidge loved Hunk, right? Hunk was the only one who could possibly match her intellect, and they both spent an awful lot of time together, alone, in the control rooms…. That, and if Hunk only knew science-themed pickup lines, who else could he have been planning to use them on? Who else could he have  _learned_ them from? Pidge had seemed pretty receptive to the lines earlier in the lounge, as well. She'd been almost smug, like she'd heard them before in another context. Maybe her patience had finally run out, and she'd finally decided she wanted Lance away from  _Hunk, her secret boyfriend._

Oh no. No, no, no. Pidge was  _not_ in a relationship with Hunk.

No, she totally was, wasn't she?

Why did this bother him so much? It's not like Lance cared that his two best friends were secretly in love or anything. He would've liked to say that he was just let down that they hadn't trusted him with this secret, but he was really just mad that Hunk had gotten with  _Pidge_ , for some reason. Why would that matter? It was just Pidge, right?

Well, either way, Lance didn't want to get between them when they were clearly much closer than he'd realized. Although Hunk wasn't exactly in control of his actions right now, this was the kind of thing that could break them up. And sure, some terrible, devious part of his brain was secretly rooting for that ending, but that just made him feel worse about the whole thing.

So, before Pidge could blow a fuse in that ingenious brain of hers, Lance carefully unlatched Hunk from his body. "Okay, dude, I think that's enough hugging for now. Uh, sorry Pidge. Didn't mean to make you angry."

The rage inexplicably melted off of Pidge's face though, replaced with wide-eyed confusion. "Wait, what? You didn't-"

"No, don't worry. It's cool, I get it," Lance shot back with a smile that was almost (but not quite) genuine.

Pidge seemed to understand, because her face flushed red as she stuttered back, "oh, I- oh." Her gaze fell to the floor, and one of her feet started shifting anxiously, toes drawing a circle on the floor.

Lance was about to say that he totally supported her relationship (even though that was kind of a lie), but then he heard Shiro screech, "oh you wanna go?!"

That… didn't sound good. Lance swiveled on his feet, and suddenly, Pidge and Hunk's secret relationship seemed like the least of his worries.

While he'd been chatting with Hunk and Pidge, Lance had completely forgotten to babysit the other three lovestruck idiots, and now he realized his mistake. Shiro and Allura were, once again, up in each other's faces. And, again, Shiro was trying not to lash out while Allura took a defensive stance, a confused Keith at her tail.

"I don't know what that means," she shot back, waving a finger at him, "but I won't stand for you trying to get between Keith and me any longer! If you won't support our love, then we simply won't invite you to our wedding!"

Shiro stomped his foot, reminding Lance of nothing so much as a six-year-old who'd just been denied an invitation to a birthday party. "Like I wanted to go your stupid wedding, anyway!"

Allura clearly wasn't having any more of that, so she grabbed her new fiance's hand, turned on her heels, and started to march away. "Fair enough, Shiro. Now, come on, Keith! We're going to seal our engagement, and we're going to do it in private!"

"Not if I can stop you first!" Shiro shot back with all the finesse of a two-dimensional cartoon villain, activating his Galra arm as he charged toward Allura.

The princess didn't hesitate; she simply turned back, plucked Shiro up like a rag doll, and flung him through the air, soaring in a perfect arc across the deck. Had it not been so traumatizing, Lance might've applauded that toss.

Then Shiro landed on the floor with a  _thud_ , head hitting the ground hard enough to knock him out.

And before Lance could stop himself, the word, "touchdown," escaped his lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for that last line (and for the accidental langst throughout this). It was horrible, but the worst part? It was my awful brain that thought "touchdown" when I wrote Shiro getting knocked out. I don't even like American football!
> 
> Unrelated: if you want more Voltron multi-shipping, my Tumblr is [@krolium](http://www.krolium.tumblr.com)! It's mostly Sheith and Pidgance at this point? But there's also a lot of Kallura, Klance, Shance, Hidge, and... well, pretty much everything, actually. I need more people to cry over fictional characters with, so feel free to hit me up!! :D


	4. Space Vegas

When Shiro's head hit the floor with a grotesque  _smack_ , all sorts of things were running through Pidge's mind. The word "touchdown" was not one of those things.

"Touchdown?!" Pidge yelped, elbowing Lance in the arm. "Really, Lance? Shiro could be seriously injured, and that was all you could think to say?" At least this provided a distraction from the bombshell Lance had just dropped on her. Had he honestly known about her crush on him this entire time? And here she'd thought she'd hidden it so well.

Pidge would definitely need to think about this when Shiro wasn't knocked out out on the floor.

"I don't know," Lance shot back, rubbing the spot where Pidge had hit him, "I'm freaking out! Everyone else is going crazy, and now we have a body count! I can't control what comes out of my mouth!"

She was more just concerned that Lance had immediately associated Shiro's flying body with a game of football, but she supposed that wasn't really important right now.

Hunk tapped Lance on the shoulder. "Lance, are you alright? You said you were freaking out. That's not good, is it? Is there a way I could get you to stop freaking out?"

Lance rolled his eyes. "Dude, stop talking!" He crossed his arms over his chest, biting his lip in frustration. Oddly enough, he seemed inexplicably angry at Hunk.

Well, at least that made Pidge's job easier, she supposed.

The door to the deck slammed shut, shaking her from her thoughts, and suddenly, she noticed that they were down two paladins. "Keith and Allura are getting away," she said. "Should we run after them?"

Lance shrugged, which was  _super_ helpful. "I don't know, what's the worst they could do?"

The mental images Pidge's brain supplied were nightmare material, so she simply cringed and replied, "do you really want me to answer that?"

Lance's face went slack. "Yikes."

And damn, Lance was great and all, but he couldn't have possibly been less helpful at the moment. He seemed distracted (beyond the whole Shiro thing), and he kept looking between her and Hunk for some reason.

"Well, they're probably long gone by now," Pidge continued with a sigh. Great, now Keith and Allura were doing  _lord_  knew what,  _lord_  knew where, and they were too busy to go find them. And what exactly had Allura been talking about? Sealing their engagement? That sounded kind of important. Figuring Lance probably knew more than she did, she added, "was it just me, or was Allura talking about a wedding?"

Lance was looking quizzically at Hunk, one eyebrow raised, and it was making Pidge's jealousy flare up again, so she cleared her throat. "Lance? Wedding? Keith and Allura?"

That seemed to snap him out of it. He shook his head and said, "oh yeah, I forgot to tell you! She and Keith kinda got engaged."

Well, that might've been nice to know. "Isn't that- I mean, should we try to separate them?"

Lance shrugged. "Eh, it could be worse, I guess. At least they're not actually married, right?" With that, he went back to staring at Hunk, who was hovering contently behind him. Why did Lance keep looking at him like that? Why was he so distracted? Usually, Lance would be freaking out over something like this (just like he'd freaked out over Shiro not two minutes ago). What aspect of Hunk was just so fascinating that Lance just couldn't keep his eyes off him?

Perhaps she really did have reason to be jealous.

"True," she huffed, trying to keep herself under control. It was getting harder as time wore on—as the drug set in, she figured—to keep from lashing out at Hunk. One part of her brain knew it wasn't Hunk's fault that any of this was happening, but another part kept telling her to punch him in the face. Her only defense right now was to turn her back on Lance and focus on the task at hand. "Maybe we should check to see if Shiro's still, y'know, alive?"

"Sounds good," Lance said, though he still sounded distracted.

As tempting as it was, Pidge didn't even spare him a glance as she made her way over to Shiro's unconscious body. First, she inspected for other injuries. After looking him over, she figured he looked as good as she could've expected, given that it was Shiro. At least, she didn't think there were any new marks that hadn't been there already. Satisfied, she gingerly lifted his head to inspect the place he'd hit it. Luckily, it hadn't cracked open—though there was a pretty bad bruise, and he was likely concussed. "Hey, Lance?"

Lance still hadn't moved from his spot next to Hunk, but he replied, "yeah?"

"Would you please quit ogling Hunk and get the hell over here?!" she growled, rage simmering under her skin. Why was he paying so much attention to Hunk when she was  _right here_ , huh? What gave him the right to-

"Oh, shoot, sorry Pidge!" he blurted, rushing over to help her.

Wow. Wow, okay, she needed to chill. This was still  _Lance_ , she had to remind herself. Sure, Lance could be a little stupid sometimes, but that didn't mean he wasn't one of the sweetest guys she'd ever met. She had no reason to be so possessive of him—especially not when they had bigger things to focus on. She took a deep breath, forcing the tension out of her shoulders. If she could just keep her cool a little longer, until she could figure out how this drug worked, then they'd be home free. It was too soon for her to fall apart yet.

"I wasn't checking him out, promise!" Lance swore, stooping down next to her to look Shiro over. "I was just- well…. I dunno, I guess I was just worried?" The last word came out as a squeak, like he was unsure of himself (or, perhaps, like he was lying). "Like, look: he's kind of in a stupor, now, see?"

That much was true; Hunk hadn't spoken in a couple minutes now. "We can't worry about that right now, though. Shiro probably has a concussion, Lance. We need to get him into a cryopod as soon as possible, or he could fall into a coma."

"You're right. Sorry. We can talk about Hunk later. Shoot, yeah, I guess if you think we have more important things to worry about than Hunk, I should probably listen, huh?" Lance shook his head as if he were disappointed in himself, leaning down to pick up Shiro. It was pretty clear that he wasn't quite strong enough to lift him by himself, but that didn't stop him from trying to heft him over his shoulder.

Pidge saw Lance wobbling under the man's weight, and rolled her eyes. "Idiot, Shiro's, like, two tons of solid muscle. Let me help you." She walked over to go help him, but Lance drew back.

"What, so you think Shiro's hot now, too?" Lance demanded, furrowing his brow and glaring at her like she had wronged him somehow.

What the hell? Pidge took a step back, confused and intimidated.

But, just as soon as he'd blown up, he crumpled, eyes going wide. Shiro's weight finally became too much, so he set him on the floor to stretch his arms. "I- whoa, where did that come from? Jeez, what's wrong with me today? Sorry, not important. Probably just the stress. Doesn't matter. Just…. Here, you get his feet, and I'll get his shoulders, okay? I'd ask Hunk to help instead, but I don't really trust him not to get distracted and drop the guy."

After taking a moment to collect herself (Lance really had just yelled at her over something stupid for no reason), Pidge nodded. "Sounds good to me." She walked over to Shiro, wrapping her small hands around his comparably-giant feet. Lance in turn stuck his hands under Shiro's arms and, on the count of three, they lifted him together.

He was still pretty damn heavy, but Pidge could deal with it. Lance had the brunt of the weight, anyway. They started walking together, Pidge forward and Lance backward, making their way out the door.

Just as they were leaving, Hunk spoke up for the first time in the past twenty minutes or so. "Wait, Lance, come back!"

Pidge didn't know what she'd been expecting.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Dude, just shut up and follow me. Come on."

And with that, they took their miniature parade down the hallway to the cryopods.

* * *

 

Keith's favorite color had always been black until, like, an hour and a half ago. But now, he couldn't quite decide. At first, he'd figured that his new favorite color was blue, like the sky-blue color of Allura's beautiful eyes. Then, he'd seen her pretty, hot-pink floating earrings and realized that those were also super cool. But then, he'd remembered Allura's long, gorgeous hair, tied up so it stayed out of her perfect face (though she looked stunning with it down as well, he thought). Her hair was the loveliest shade of white, and now Keith was indecisive.

Blue, hot-pink, or white? Maybe it was all three. Yeah, that sounded good.

Really, falling in love with Allura had been an almost religious experience for Keith. His skin was clear, his crops were flourishing, his depression was cured…

"Allura, have I ever told you that you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen?" Keith asked, because he didn't quite remember. It was hard to tell whether or not he'd told her that recently, when he was so busy thinking of new reasons why Allura was the best person in the universe.

The princess smiled at him (she was  _smiling_  at him), taking a strand of his hair and tucking it behind his ear before she kissed him on the cheek. He wished they could kiss on the lips, but it was Altean tradition to wait until engagement for that, and they were still trying to find a place that was good enough for them to make their engagement official. Keith wasn't good with romantic stuff, but right now, he was imagining a beautiful garden with a blue, blue sky and perfect white clouds and hot-pink flowers. That way, it would match Allura.

"Yes," she replied, "but I don't mind you telling me again. It's quite flattering, really. You know that you're beautiful as well, right?"

Keith gasped. "You really think so?"

"Definitely," Allura said with a laugh (man, Keith really loved her laugh). "You're adorable."

Keith could feel his cheeks burning, and he was feeling all fluttery inside. Allura was so great. She was so strong, too—the way she was gripping his hand as she led him down the hall, like. That was a pretty strong grip. And she was strong enough to throw Shiro across the room to protect their relationship, too. Wow.

Allura kept talking, and Keith wanted to listen, but the sound of  **it** , the timbre of her voice, the sharp and precise lilt of her British accent (at least, it sounded British to him; he was sure it was actually Altean or something)…. It mesmerized him. He could listen to that voice all day. He could probably listen to her read a math textbook, and he'd still be interested.

"-how does that sound?" the princess asked, and Keith realized he hadn't heard a word she'd said.

Shit, now he felt guilty. "Um, sorry, I got distracted because you're too amazing. What was that?"

"I was asking if you'd prefer we take an escape pod or one of the lions? I was thinking the lions might be more romantic, but then I remembered that day we spent alone together in the escape pod."

Ooh, Keith remembered that! He'd thought it'd been an awful day at the time, but in retrospect, it all seemed like stupid Galra angst. And who cared about stupid Galra angst when Allura was right there? Now, all he could remember was the way their hands had touched when he'd saved her from floating away in space, the way his arms had wrapped around her waist as he'd flown her to safety. Now, it seemed like a great day.

"Yeah," he said, "let's take an escape pod. Where are we going?"

"Well, if we're to be wed," Allura explained, "then we'll need someone to make it legal. Normally, it would be Coran, but he's not coming back for at least another day, and I couldn't possibly wait that long."

Keith furrowed his brow. "Me neither. That's way too long."

Allura flashed him another smile, and Keith melted a little inside. "Exactly! Instead, we're going to elope to an Argisia planet."

Yeah, an Arg-whatever planet. That sounded awesome. "Uh, what's an Arg-what-now planet?"

"An Argisia planet," she repeated. "It's a resort planet with an active nightlife and large casinos. Often, because so many people wish to get married there, they have businesses for walk-in weddings."

"So, like, Space Vegas?" Keith asked.

"What is a  _vay-giss_?" Allura queried back, raising an eyebrow (damn, even her eyebrows were pretty. Keith didn't even know that eyebrows could be pretty, and yet there Allura went, having pretty eyebrows.)

Oh yeah. Vegas. "It's like- it's like what you just said."

"Then yes," Allura replied with a nod, "I suppose it would be like Space Vay-giss." With that, she opened the door to the hangar where the escape pods were. She was still dragging Keith behind her, and Keith thought that was great, just like everything Allura did.

"Cool. Awesome," Keith said, looking up at the escape pod Allura was walking toward. It looked perfect. He was so glad they were getting married. But wait, didn't they need to do something else first? "Wait, so, when are we getting engaged? Like, for real?"

"Well, that's why I wanted our ship to be as romantic as possible," she told him. They were in front of the escape pod, now, so Allura stopped walking, releasing Keith's hand so she could open the hatch. "I was thinking we could do it while we're out in space, surrounded by the stars."

Whoa. That was genius. Allura was a genius. "That's perfect," he said, "because the stars are beautiful just like you."

Allura's cheeks went red at that. "Well, I was thinking the galaxies matched  _your_ eyes, actually. You know, the deep violet color of your eyes goes perfectly with the dark vacuum of space."

"Awww, thank you!" Now Keith was blushing, too. The dark vacuum of space was a good thing, right? It sounded like a good thing. "Damn, I can't believe we're eloping to Space Vegas." He'd always wanted to elope to Vegas. Actually, no, he hadn't, but that had been before he'd realized how amazing it would be to elope to Space Vegas with Princess Allura.

This was going to be the best day of Keith's life.

* * *

 

"Well, I'm not quite sure if we're using this right, but I think it's working," Lance said, tapping the glass on the cryopod. "He'll probably be fine, I'm sure. Maybe."

Pidge shrugged, slumping down on the floor a few feet away. "I mean, that's about as fine as Shiro always is, so that's all we can really expect."

Lance snorted. "Yeah, true. So, should we talk about- y'know, whatever the cheese is going on with this drug? We need to figure out some cure, or Hunk's gonna be all over me forever, and I don't think any of us want that. And Keith and Allura are probably gonna get married. And Shiro-"

"Lance, I get it!" Pidge cut him off. "God, let me think. It's pretty clear that the drug has at least two different possible effects. Its victims either end up like Shiro, and get increasingly hostile toward potential competition, or they'll end up like Hunk, and, well- just look."

Hunk was standing about two and a half inches behind Lance, mirroring his every move.

"Dude, he's totally zombified," Lance remarked. He took a step to the right. Hunk took a step to the right. He took a step to the left. Hunk took a step to the left. "Gee, I wonder if Keith and Allura are gonna get like that."

"There's no way to know," Pidge replied, "but he kinda stopped talking after you told him to be quiet, and when you told him to follow you, he started doing this. Maybe he feels compelled to do whatever you say?"

Lance took a step forward. Hunk took a step forward. He took two steps to the right and one step back. Hunk also took two steps to the right and one step back. "Guess that makes sense," he mused, marching in place and marvelling as Hunk did the same. "Hey, you think if I jumped off a cliff right now, Hunk would follow me?" Lance spun in a circle. Hunk spun in a circle.

Pidge deadpanned. "Can you please stop messing with Hunk? I know this isn't really your area of expertise, but I need someone to bounce ideas off of."

She hadn't been expecting it at all, but she saw that same flash of anger in his eyes—the one she'd seen when he'd accused her of liking  _Shiro_ , of all people. He looked like he was about to yell again, but then, just like last time, his face fell. "Right, sorry," he mumbled, sitting down in place. Hunk sat down behind him. "What were you saying before?"

"Just that there seem to be two possible reactions to the drug. Three, if we count you. You haven't been feeling any symptoms, have you?"

Lance considered this for a moment, then said, "I don't think so. Nothing like what Shiro or Hunk have, at least. I guess I'm just kinda, I dunno, tense? It's hard to tell if that's just me, though. It's probably just me."

That explained the weird angry flashes, at least to some extent. Lance was likely just stressed and tired. It was getting pretty late by now, and they probably would've headed to bed, if not for all the chaos. "Well, I guess we'll have to wait until things calm down, then."

"Yeah, probably."

"That, and it seems like the symptoms worsen over time. I mean, the first time we saw Shiro, he was protective of Keith, but he wasn't exactly crazy. Then, right before he got knocked out, he got really angry and violent." Which probably didn't mean good things for PIdge's future. Shiro  _had_  had more reason to be jealous than her, though, since Keith had literally gotten engaged in his presence. "That, and Hunk seems to be getting more and more subservient to you. Which is kinda creepy."

Lance nodded. "I'll agree with you there. It's like having a second shadow. A bulky, human second shadow." Lance lifted his hand, and Hunk did too.

"Weird," Pidge murmured, but she'd already moved on to her next point. "So, now we know at least part of what the drug does. How the hell are we supposed to cure it, though?"

"Dude, I don't know," Lance replied, stifling a yawn. That seemed to give him an idea, because he added, "maybe we should sleep on it? It's getting late, man, and I'm not sure if we can get anything done right now."

Pidge wasn't quite sure she could sleep right now if she tried, but Lance was right. If she pulled an all-nighter now, it would probably just make her more irritable than she already was. "Yeah, I guess so," she agreed. "Meet back here in eight vargas?"

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Ten."

Well, that was just overkill. "Nine?"

"Fine," Lance conceded, muffling another yawn behind his hand. "See you in the morning." And with that, he told Hunk to go to bed—his own bed, not Lance's—and he left Pidge alone to stew in her own thoughts.

How could she possibly cure something she couldn't even identify?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made one promise to my roommate. One promise. I told her that there would be absolutely no Shidge in this fic at all. No real content, no hints, no nothing. I figured it would be easy. Shidge is my NOTP, right? There's no way I'd write Shidge! I was wrong.
> 
> Tbh I'm just surprised this chapter came so quickly, considering I had writer's block half the week. I was stuck until I decided to just write about how amazing Allura is. It was pretty easy after that? Keith is me this chapter, gotta say. There's no one more gorgeous than Princess Allura.


	5. The Sealing Kiss

Usually, Lance got grouchy when he didn't get his beauty sleep. This morning, though, he felt surprisingly energized. Shiro was still healing, and Lance had sedated Hunk last night, so he would finally have Pidge all to himself again. Not that he cared about that personally, or like he was only excited because he'd get to hang out with Pidge (so he told himself, at least). He was just glad they would finally have time to focus on this drug. Lance wasn't sure how helpful  _he'd_ be, but it was always fun to watch Pidge piece together impossible puzzles like this. And that concentrated pout she always made when she was thinking? Super cute.

He totally wasn't trying to get between her and Hunk, though. That would be a jerk move, and Lance wasn't a jerk.

Man, he still couldn't get over  _Hunk and Pidge_. Lance had no reason to be mad about it—they seemed perfect for each other—but, well… it made him feel  _angry_. Like,  _jealous-angry_. He hadn't felt that way since he'd gotten over Allura, and he had no idea why he was feeling that way now. Seriously, they were his two best friends. Was he really that scared of third-wheeling it? What the heck was wrong with him?

Okay, so maybe he was a bit grouchy, after all. He was still excited to see how Pidge would figure out a cure for this drug. Far too jittery to keep lying in bed, Lance hopped to his feet and ran to the bathroom to wash off his face-mask. Then, he got dressed, ate some breakfast, and made his way back to the medical wing.

Pidge was already waiting there.

Lance tried to look down at a watch he didn't have (force of habit) to check, but then he remembered that he'd broken his old watch months ago. Shaking his head, he jerked his gaze back up to look at Pidge. "Sorry, am I late?"

She seemed amused with his antics, stifling a smile as she looked at his bare wrist. "Actually, you're a couple doboshes early," she replied.

"Oh, really?" Lance blurted before he remembered that Pidge had originally suggested they meet earlier. She'd probably been awake for a couple hours already. In retrospect, it seemed a bit silly of him to assume she would wait for him just because he'd wanted to sleep in, so he added, "I mean, of course I am! I knew that!"

Pidge didn't really seem to care either way, though, poking at a device in front of her. "Yeah, okay," she replied blankly, furrowing her brow as she frowned at the screen.

There it was! There was the cute pout-face! Not that Lance would let that distract him from the task at hand. "So, uh, did you find anything?" he asked, forcing himself to concentrate.  _C'mon, Lance. You're always focussed,_ he told himself.  _Like, laser-focussed. Super focussed. Don't get distracted now, just because you can't get over how awesome Pidge is._

"Just more dead ends," Pidge groaned, pushing away the device to look at him. "I tried searching a couple Altean databases and universal search engines—or the space equivalent of search engines, I guess. These are a bit different because-"

Lance interrupted her impending rant—they tended to make him feel like someone had taken a cheese-grater to his brain, and it was way too early for that crap. "Pidge, I love your explanations and all, but I woke up, like, less than a varga ago. I'm just gonna call it Space Google."

Pidge bit her lip, and it looked like she was just going to pretend he hadn't said anything, but then her device let out a chiding beep and she startled, likely shaken from her thoughts. "You're right, that's not important right now. I'll tell you later. Anyway, I couldn't find much, since I didn't have any good keywords to use and we have no idea what this stuff is called. The closest thing I found was an old civilization that's- well, it's almost like the chemistry equivalent of Olkarion. They can manipulate chemical compounds at a whim to serve different functions."

Lance paused for a moment to process that, humming in thought, then said, "huh. Sounds kinda like magic to me."

Pidge's face lit up, eyes twinkling with enthusiasm. "Because it is! It's so fascinating! They can use their minds to create drugs just like a witch uses magic to make potions. I figured that if anyone could have concocted something like this, it'd be the people of that planet, but- well, they were massacred by the Galra over three-thousand years ago."

Sooo… either the aliens were secretly still alive, or they were doing this as ghosts? "Trippy."

"Isn't it?" Pidge agreed. "I mean, what else could've done this?"

Lance pondered upon this for a minute, then decided, "space fairies."

Pidge deadpanned. "Lance-"

"Come on," Lance retorted, eager to defend his amazing (though admittedly far-fetched) conjecture, "you'll believe people can make drugs with their minds, but space fairies are just too crazy for you?"

He thought he'd made a fair point, but Pidge just raised a single, unimpressed eyebrow. "Lance, those aliens can make unique compounds using a complex energy-harnessing system that only defies human comprehension because they were more evolved than we are now."

"Hey, at least it's better than my clone theory."

"Oh god, not that again," Pidge said with a sigh (though she was clearly holding back a laugh, so it was a win in Lance's book). "Dammit, what we need is Coran back. I bet he would at least have valid theories, if he didn't know what was going on."

"Maybe we can call him?" Lance suggested, figuring he should try to be at least a little bit helpful. "Didn't he say he was getting back today or tomorrow?"

"Already called, right before you showed up," she replied, face falling. "I thought I'd see if he was within range yet, but he's still offline."

"Well, that sucks."

"At least we've got things under control for now," she told him. "Well, other than Keith and Allura. By the way, have you seen them? I checked both their rooms about an hour ago, but they weren't there."

"To be honest, we probably don't wanna know what they're doing," Lance said, cringing. "I bet they're just making out in some random corner of the castle, and I dunno about you, but I don't really wanna try to break that up. Allura's got her magic stuff  _and_ a whip, and Keith's got, like, five knives on his person."

"True. God, I still wish I had Hunk or Coran, though. This isn't really a one-person job, and Coran might be able to recognize what this is."

Suddenly, something went sour in the pit of Lance's stomach. "What, so I don't count as a person? And Hunk does?"

"That's not what I meant!" Pidge shot back, confidently enough that Lance almost believed it. "I just- Lance, you literally  _failed_  chemistry. And then decided to use the fact that you failed chemistry as a pick-up line."

Lance was going to point out that she'd mixed up cause and effect—actually, he'd heard the pickup line, and decided to fail chemistry on purpose so he could use it.

Pidge wasn't done though, continuing before Lance could sneak that anecdote in. "This just isn't your field. Hunk was studying to be an engineer, and he aced chemistry. You should see the work he did before we came in and he got infected. He only had about fifteen minutes to work on it, maximum, and he still managed to figure out what compound it was, which castle mechanisms could and couldn't identify it, and how densely it had settled in the ship's simulated atmosphere. Had we given him a few more minutes, he probably would've been able to tell us how humans might react to it, and how to get it out of our systems."

"Yeah, well Hunk's not here, okay?!" he growled. Just because Hunk could do cool sciency-chemistry-engineering-whatever-crap, didn't make him any better than Lance. That was stupid. Hunk was stupid. "You're stuck with me, okay, and I know it sucks, but can we please quit talking about how much better it would be with him? I-" And then reality came crashing down, and he realized who exactly he'd been yelling at. Pidge was looking at him with wide, bewildered eyes, and he felt a shiver of guilt run up his spine and into his skull. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed. "Shoot, sorry. I guess I just feel a bit useless, y'know?"

What was he doing? Sure, he was a pretty insecure person (understatement), but he usually tried to keep it on the down-low. And he'd never been jealous of Hunk—at least, not like he was of Keith! That rant had come out of nowhere! It was almost-

Almost like Shiro's descent into madness yesterday. First, there'd been the petty jealousy, then the aggression, then he'd gotten himself beaten up. And all of it had been because the drug had tricked Shiro into thinking he'd been in love with Keith for years.

Lance's feelings didn't really feel like a trick, though—more like they'd been drawn out from the recesses of his brain, from the dark parts of his mind that he tried to keep locked up. He couldn't exactly say he was  _in love_  with Pidge. That would be silly. It was just that he didn't want her to be with anyone else. It didn't feel right. That made sense, right? Right?

Feeling a headache coming on, Lance tugged at his hair. What was happening to him?

And suddenly, Pidge was walking toward him. She wasn't much one for physical contact, but she got close enough that Lance flushed with embarrassment (which was still, like, a foot away, but whatever). "Lance, that's not what I meant at all," she told him, brown eyes blazing with indignance. "Honestly, you're probably the only thing keeping me sane at this point. Otherwise, I'd be stuck with a bunch of stoned idiots. I'm sure there's some way you can help, I just-" Here she glanced back at her device, abandoned in front of an empty cryopod. She let out a frustrated grunt, then turned back to him. "I just need to figure this out first, alright?"

Lance looked her in the eye, trying his best to suppress his blush, then replied, "alright."

"Good," she said, walking back over to pick up her device. He was expecting her to start typing across the screen, but instead she picked it up and walked back over so she could show him what she was doing. "The drug's effects seem to worsen over time," she explained, pulling up something with a bunch of math and charts that Lance couldn't read, "so we need to find a cure before we lose control of the situation. I'm…." She paused, anxiously adjusting her glasses, and the device sunk a bit as her grip weakened. "Well, I didn't want to talk about it yesterday, but I'm not sure how much longer I've got until I start acting like Shiro. It's not bad when I'm just talking to you, but- well, you know."

"What, like, the aggressive thing?" Lance asked, feeling his chest tighten in either anticipation or dread. What was Pidge talking about? She'd seemed so normal yesterday… though she had said that she felt normal around Lance, specifically. "But why just me, though?" he asked, confused.

"Well, because…" Pidge trailed off, the tips of her ears turning pink. "You know!"

Lance gawked at her. "I know?"

"Yes, yesterday you said you knew!" she fired back, almost angry enough that Lance could pretend her face was red with rage rather than humiliation. "Don't make me say it out loud!"

Yesterday, he'd said- what? This was about her relationship with Hunk? Something wasn't adding up. "Wait, I don't get it," Lance said. "This is because you're in love with-?"

But before he could finish his question, the door to the cryopod opened, cold mist swirling out into the air. Shiro staggered out, still clutching his head like it was throbbing.

Lance would have to figure out what Pidge meant later.

* * *

 

Allura had always wanted to elope to an Argisia planet. Actually, that wasn't entirely true—really, she'd always wanted a wedding back on her home planet with all her closest friends and family—but at the moment? Eloping to the Argisia system with Keith was the most romantic wedding she could possibly have imagined. That was most likely because Keith would be there.

Keith was amazing. Honestly, she'd always seen him more as a comrade and a confidant, but now, she couldn't think of him as anything but a romantic partner. How hadn't she seen it before? Keith was such a great warrior, and he had a mysterious air about him that was nothing but alluring.

At least, he did most of the time. Right now, though, snoring quietly as he rested his head on her shoulder, he was more cute than mysterious. She'd been planning on sealing their engagement as soon as possible, but the boy had drifted off mid-conversation somewhere around the time when she'd started stroking his hair. Allura didn't have the heart to wake him, so she simply let him sleep as the pod sailed languidly through space on autopilot. It felt wonderful, having Keith near her. She couldn't explain the sensation, but she felt like suddenly, all that mattered was Keith. Ever since she'd woken up and looked him in the eye, she'd known that nothing else would ever be as important again. Something in the back of her mind reminded her of Voltron, of the lions, of the war against the Galra…. But the universe just seemed irrelevant, when all she needed was Keith.

Either way, Keith was the most adorable boy she'd ever seen. He looked so content, so peaceful as he leaned on her shoulder, drooling on the sleeve of her suit. Before, she probably would've been disgusted by the slobber, but now it was just as endearing as the rest of his face—as his indigo eyes and his short lashes and his straight nose and his rounded ears and his choppy hair. She loved all of it immutably. She sort of wanted to touch his face, now. At the very least, she wanted to push his bangs up so she could kiss his forehead.

She could see no reason not to do just that, so she ran a hand up his face, lifting the hair covering his forehead and leaning down to kiss him.

"Huh?" he murmured, and Allura felt him tense up as his eyes shot open.

Allura shushed him gently, still holding his hair back as she pressed her lips to his forehead again, then to his cheek. "You fell asleep. Apologies for waking you."

Once Keith realized what was going on, he melted into the touch, smiling as his eyes fluttered shut again. "'S okay," he mumbled, leaning up to brush his lips against the skin just below her ear before he beamed at her again, eyes still groggy and sleepy. "Wassup, Princess? Are we close?"

"We're only a few hours away," she told him, looking intently into his deep, hazy eyes. They were so dark and pretty, with just enough violet around his dilated pupils to keep them from looking completely vacuous.

"Cool," he yawned back, head falling back down onto her shoulder. "That's so cool. Should we, uh. Well, we still need seal our engagement, don't we?"

A spark of electricity coursed through her body, starting at the point where Keith's head lay on her shoulder and running down her arms and back. They were going to get engaged—officially. "Yes!" she cried. "Yes, let's seal our engagement!"

She felt Keith move his head in a lazy nod, still comfortable against her side. "Awesome," he said. "So, is there anything else we need to do? I know we started the thingy back on the castle and we made those cool bracelets. Was there anything else?"

"No," she replied. They'd already performed all the logistical, ceremonial rites before they'd taken off. "All we need to do is kiss."

That static shock ran through her again, and this time it seemed to reach Keith, too, who shivered against her. "Wow. That's awesome," he droned, staring off into the endless depths of space with dazed, distracted eyes. "I- is it weird that I'm suddenly nervous? I've never kissed anyone before."

"Don't worry, I've never kissed anyone, either," she reminded him, twirling a stray lock of his inky-black hair between her fingers before pushing it behind his ear. "Kissing is saved for engagement amongst Alteans, remember?"

"I know that," he stuttered back, face flushing pink, "but- well, it's a pretty casual thing back on Earth. It's weird that I've waited this long. I'm glad my first kiss is gonna be you, though. You're the most amazing person in the universe."

"No," she refuted, "that would be you."

Keith finally sat up, smirking at her. "No, you," he countered.

"Certainly not," she scoffed, letting out a playful huff as she crossed her arms over her chest. "The best person is definitely you."

"No way!" he shot back, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek again before he muttered gently in her ear: "you're pretty, smart, and strong. And you can do magic. That's, like, everything you could ever want from a person right there. I could never compete."

"Well, maybe we're both the best, then," Allura conceded, deciding that a compromise might be the best solution to their stalemate, "because I can't imagine anyone else ever taking your place."

"Same here," Keith told her, wrapping his arms around her. It was a little awkward, since they were both strapped into their seats, and she imagined the seatbelts were probably cutting off Keith's circulation, but he didn't seem to mind. "So," he added, as he finally drew back. "Uh, should we just, like, go for it, or-"

But before he could finish his question, Allura finally gave into the temptation that had been gnawing at her since she'd awoken. Gently as she could, but passionately, she grabbed Keith's head and pulled him in until their lips locked, sealing their engagement.

* * *

 

"Look, I get that I'm drugged and you're worried about me getting violent, but do you really need to tie me up? Is that really necessary?" Shiro asked, fidgeting with the restraints that bound his wrists. Pidge had finally managed to find a rope last night (Lance was starting to suspect that she hadn't gone to bed at all), and they'd decided to tie him to a chair the minute he woke up.

Pidge raised an eyebrow. "Shiro, you literally tried to kill Allura last time you saw her."

"I wasn't trying to kill her!" he insisted, eyes darting to Lance as if asking him to back him up. "I just- I wasn't thinking."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Oh, and your mind is totally clear now?"

Shiro scowled, chewing his lip as he tried to think of a defense, but there was none. Eventually, he let out a dejected sigh. "Okay, fine," he said. "I still don't like this, though. I need to find Keith. What if he got married while I was out? Have you been checking up on him and Allura?"

Oh. That. Lance stole an anxious glance at Pidge, who met his gaze and then turned away, coughing into her hand.

Awesome, so she didn't have any good excuses, either. "Well, uh-"

Pidge interrupted him. "We were kinda-"

"I mean-" Lance butt in, but he cut himself off, unsure of how to explain why they hadn't even looked for Keith or Allura. 'They're too scary' didn't seem like a valid excuse, in retrospect.

Together, he and Pidge finally said, "no."

"No?" Shiro echoed, incredulous. "Seriously? They could be doing something dangerous! You're sure they're still in the castle, though, right?"

"What? Yeah, totally," Lance replied with a nervous grin. Oh, Shiro was gonna kill them both—after he got to Allura. "Look, they're both super stoned, man! There's no way they're getting very far."

"Do you know that? Have you checked?" he demanded. Again, he was pulling at his restraints, chest puffing out aggressively.

Lance winced. "Well, no."

"Okay, that's it!" Shiro shouted, and suddenly, his arm lit up, burning off the ropes. "I'm not waiting around here when Keith could be dead- or worse, married. Out of my way." With that, Shiro stood up, looking down at him and Pidge with dark, angry eyes, then pushed them out of the way and marched toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Pidge called after him, recovering quickly, though her voice was still shaky.

"Don't you remember what happened last time they went missing together?" Shiro said from down the hall. "I'm going to check for a missing pod."

Once he was out of earshot, Lance turned back to Pidge. "So," he muttered, eyes still wide with shock, "guess we forgot about the glow-y hand."

"I can't believe we didn't think about that!" Pidge groaned, face-palming.

Honestly, Lance wasn't too surprised. Pidge looked like she was running on negative sleep, and Lance himself wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. Either way, they couldn't dwell on that when Shiro was running off to go start another fight.

"Should we run after him?" he asked, motioning toward the door with his chin.

Pidge nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait, did Lance really fail chemistry just so he could use a dumb pickup line? No one's _that_ extra, right?
> 
> ... I'll leave that up to interpretation. Thanks for all the kudos, comments, and such, guys!! Again, if you wanna hit me up on tumblr, I'd love to hear from you! You can find me right [here!](http://punk-rock-fairy-princess.tumblr.com/)


	6. Lance Loses His Cool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, this is canon-divergent from 3.06, meaning that Keith is piloting black, Matt hasn't been found yet, Shiro's not a clone (though he does have the dumb haircut), and Lotor is still MIA.

"So, quick question!" Lance yelled as he darted down the hall, lagging just a bit behind Pidge. The hangars for the escape pods were on the opposite end of the castle, and he was out of breath from running for the past ten minutes or so. "What the quiznak are we planning to do once we catch up to Shiro? It's not-" he paused, drawing in a breath. "It's not like we can just tie him up again."

Pidge rolled her eyes, but she knew Lance was right. They had no way to keep Shiro under wraps, and in this state, he could do some serious damage. But, as much as she would've loved to wave some magic wand and instantaneously trap Shiro, she didn't see any good options. "How am I supposed to know?" she shot back irritably, increasing her speed and sprinting right in front of the boy so he couldn't see how flustered she was.

She realized that Lance had asked a fair question, but she felt like her brain was full of food goo. After pulling an all-nighter and trying her damnedest not to implode over the fact that  _Lance knew she liked him_ , she was just about ready to find an escape pod of her own and launch herself into the void. Her head was killing her, the universe was collapsing around her, and now Shiro was probably out for Allura's blood.

"Well, maybe we should think of something?" Lance panted back. He sped up as well, almost managing to catch up to her, but he was still too far behind to see her flushed face. "I mean, he's kinda going crazy, and he's got that Galra glowy-hand, which makes him sorta hard to beat. Maybe we could sedate him? Could we even-" he took a breath. "I mean, could we even get close enough to force sedatives down his throat?"

"I don't know if the sedatives would work, anyway, at this point," Pidge told him as they rounded a corner. "His blood adrenaline concentration* is probably through the roof."

Lance let out a groan. "Just for once, can your science please just help us instead of making things worse?"

Yeah, because Pidge commanded the forces of nature that ruled the universe. "Let's just wing it," she proposed, with all the reckless abandon of- well, Keith probably.

"Are you kidding? Do you want Shiro to kill us both?" Lance yelped as they veered to the left, at long last reaching the hallway that led to the hangar.

"Well, do you have a better idea?" Pidge demanded, slowing to a halt in front of the door.

Lance stopped beside her and stole a frightened glance at it, like he was worried the door itself would pick a fight with them, then he turned back to her. His shoulders slumped as he replied, "no."

"Then I say we just go for it," Pidge decided. Fine, her head was still throbbing, and her gut (along with Lance's glare) told her that this was an awful idea, but she was done. She had lost patience for this whole affair, and at this point? They were out of ideas. They had no cure, no way to trap Shiro or curb his aggression, no way to get any of this under control. There was no reason for them not to just run in there, because they were literally out of better, more thought-out ideas.

Lance still gaped at her, incredulous. He opened his mouth to speak, but immediately snapped it shut again. Then, he shook his head a few times—slowly, like he had all the time in the world to contemplate how stupid this was. Finally, he let out a sigh. "Are you sure?"

Pidge felt her face scrunch up in thought as she considered that for a moment, then said, "I mean, not really, but it's not like we have anything to lose at this point."

"True," Lance conceded, and, with one last glance in Pidge's direction, he opened the door.

They both flinched back in the doorway, fully expecting to see Shiro rampaging, beating someone up, or something equally melodramatic and violent. Instead, all Pidge heard in the pindrop silence was a soft, dejected sob.

Shiro was kneeling in the middle of the hangar, weeping.

* * *

 

Allura's lips were like victory, like the rush Keith got whenever he thwarted some great foe, pumping liquid adrenaline through his veins as he rested jittery hands atop her shoulders. Her fingers were tangled in his hair, tugging and pulling and drawing a grunt from his throat, overwhelmed with pain and pleasure. As he opened his mouth to moan, Allura's tongue plunged into his mouth, skirting over his own and sending jolts of heated electricity rocketing down his-

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What?!

The fantasy crumbled, and Keith's eyes shot open. Allura's opened as well, and now they were awkwardly staring at each other, mid-makeout.

Slowly, Allura withdrew her tongue, then lowered her hands (which had still been embedded in Keith's mussed hair). Immediately, his head jerked back, but he was still too shocked to look away, gaping at Allura in abject horror. His fingers found the headrest to his left and clenched around it, knuckles going white. His seatbelt was suddenly far too tight across his chest, and he started fidgeting with it.

After the initial spasms of _'what the fuck_ ' stopped buzzing around in his brain, it all started rushing back to him—the pink gas, the way he'd latched onto Allura, their goddamn  _engagement_ … Shiro getting flung across the room, and Keith doing nothing to stop it….

Allura spoke first, startling Keith out of his thoughts. "What the quiznak?" she asked, looking at Keith with wide eyes like  _he_ was supposed to know what was going on.

"I- I don't-  _you_ kissed me first!" Keith spluttered, his cheeks heating up. It was a stupid, childish thing to say, but he still hadn't gotten past the fact that  _he and Allura were engaged._

The princess scoffed at him. "Oh, and you think I wanted this anymore than you did?"

"No!" he cried, frustrated. His head started to throb from either the stress or all the drug-boggled memories scurrying around in his mind. His grip around the headrest tightened, and his fingers went numb as his circulation cut off. "I just- I need to process this, okay? You just kissed me! We just kissed!" He'd  _wanted_ to kiss her, too. That drug had made them want this. Basically, someone out there was capable of mind control. That didn't sit well with Keith.

"You make it sound like some sort of tragedy," Allura shot back, lips pursed and eyebrows lowered into a scowl. "I'll have you know that most would be honored to kiss me."

Keith groaned. "Quit screwing with my words, you know that's not what I meant! You're great, okay, and anyone would be lucky to have you, but-"

"But what?" she demanded, leveling him with a cold glare.

Why was she so angry? She knew that this was just some drug, right? She'd been affected, too! "But," Keith retorted, "I'm in love with Shiro, and we just hurt him so we could run off to go  _elope_ together! We almost went to Space Vegas!" He paused, searching for another equally-crazy thing to say, before settling on: "You're my damn fiancée!" Overwhelmed, he released the headrest and drew his fists up to put pressure on his temples, hoping to stave off a migraine.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, Keith staring at the ground as he massaged his scalp. What the hell was he supposed to do about this mess? He shouldn't have blown up at the Princess; he knew that. This wasn't her fault at all, and yelling at her wasn't going to solve anything. Keith had just run his mouth like he always did when he got overwhelmed, and he'd probably just obliterated what little dignity he'd had left in the process. Why the  _hell_  had he chosen  _now_  to bring up his unfortunate crush on Shiro? It wasn't like it was ever gonna go anywhere, anyway, and Keith had been embarrassed enough without the awkward confessions.

Timidly, he peered back up at Allura. Her gaze was averted, staring out the window with wounded eyes, arms crossed over her chest. Oddly enough, she looked even more frightened and confused than Keith was.

Actually, now that Keith really thought about it, maybe it wasn't so strange. Alteans didn't kiss until engagement, so what they'd done had likely been scandalous, by Allura's standards. Sure, this was a bit awkward for Keith, but Allura was probably  _mortified_.

Biting his lip, he let out a breath through his nose, forcing himself to calm down. "Look, Princess-"

"You're right," Allura interjected, holding up a hand to keep him from talking over her, "this is most unnerving for both of us, and I shouldn't have gotten angry. I don't wish to be engaged any more than you do. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Keith replied, softly as he could. "I shouldn't have freaked out. I just hope Shiro's alright."

Allura nodded. "I'm worried about him, too. I'm positive Lance and Pidge figured out the cryopods, though. He's almost certainly fine, but let's contact the castle, to make sure. If Shiro is well, then chances are he'll be angry at us for leaving."

"Yeah, you're right," Keith agreed. They'd turned off communications the minute they'd taken off. He was still far too embarrassed to face Shiro (or anyone else on the castle for that matter), so he left the video feed off, but he turned on their radio. Finally, with trembling hands, he contacted the castle.

* * *

 Never in Pidge's life had she ever seen Shiro cry. Fine, she might've seen Shiro get emotional once or twice in the heat of battle, but she'd never seen him bawling outright like this. For such a chill guy, he was surprisingly closed off and private most of the time, opting to leave the room instead of having panic attacks in front of everyone else. She'd always figured that as the leader-of-sorts, he'd wanted to conceal any signs of weakness. Which was a shame, because it's not like anyone on Team Voltron would've judged him.

Now, however, he looked completely devastated, as if someone had just… well, Pidge didn't have any frame of reference for things that would make Shiro despair like this. This was an anomaly, in her book, and her mind refused to output any reaction other than to continue staring in awkward, confused silence. She'd never really been a people person, and seeing others cry tended to make her freeze up. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do?

Luckily, Lance  _was_  a people person. Upon seeing Shiro hunched over and crying, he immediately ran over to go help him. "Shiro, what happened?" he asked gently, kneeling beside him.

"They're gone," Shiro stammered. He raised a shaky hand to his face, wiping his tears, but it was useless; more trailed down his cheeks to replace them moments later. "Keith left me. He- he doesn't- I don't know."

Pidge was going to ask what exactly Shiro didn't know, but Lance just nodded at him in understanding. "Yeah, it kinda sucks, doesn't it?" he replied before resting a hand on Shiro's back to rub small, comforting circles into it.

And of course, just when she'd thought she'd be home free for the day with Hunk sedated, Pidge felt that sudden flash of instinctual rage rise up inside of her again. Convenient, given that Lance was clearly just trying to help Shiro—and he was doing a pretty good job of it! Just… too good of a job, apparently, because Pidge didn't like it.

She tried to stifle the growl that simmered at the base of her throat, but to no avail. Clearly, it was loud enough for Lance to hear it, because he twisted around to face her and cocked his head to the side. "Pidge, what's going on?"

"Lance, could you just-" Wow, it sounded like a stupid request, even in her head.  _I know you're not into Shiro, but the way you're tenderly stroking his back is making my brain think you are, so like? Stop that? Please?_  It was utterly ridiculous. "Just stop touching Shiro," she finally said, resigned to her drug-induced stupidity. "Please."

"Uh, okay?" Lance was still looking at her like she was crazy, but he removed his hand nonetheless. Pidge released the tension in her shoulders, relieved, and Lance took another second to gawk at her before he turned back to Shiro. "Look, dude, everything's gonna be fine. Maybe we can contact the pod? Uh, Pidge?"

As her heart rate returned to something approaching normal, she nodded. "I can try." She pulled out her tablet and typed in the pod's tracking number. Then, she started an outgoing call.

… Or tried to, at least. Every time she pressed the 'contact ship' button, a 'call failed' notification would immediately pop up with an accompanying  _ding!_  Splendid.

After about two minutes of struggling (shutting the power off and on again, checking the connection, etc.), Shiro asked, "So? Can you do it?"

"Sorry, Shiro, it looks like they've turned off all communications," Pidge explained, just waiting for him to lash out. She pressed the button again, as if this time it would work, but it was futile.

Shiro didn't say anything, but Pidge saw his clenched fists tighten at his side. In lieu of the violent response Pidge had expected, he started chewing his bottom lip raw with such intensity that Pidge would have been surprised if he wasn't tasting metal.

Fidgeting at the uncomfortable silence, Lance spoke up. "Anyone else weirded out that Keith and Allura ran away together  _again?_  I mean, déjà vu, right?"

Before Pidge could stop herself, she added, "and this time, they really are sitting in a tree."

Shiro made a noise that reminded Pidge of a dying humpback whale.

She coughed into her hand, changing the subject. "Look, we can try again if you really want to, Shiro, but it's pretty much pointless at this point. If their comms are off, then there's no way for us to get to them."

"They know how dangerous that is, right?" Still kneeling, Shiro thrummed his fingertips over his lap. "They could be literally  _anywhere_  right now, and we'd have no idea whether they're alright or not. For all we know, they could be dead. Keith could be dead, and I'm just sitting here moping."

Lance stifled a snort. "Dude, this is Keith and Allura we're talking about. They're both great pilots, they're probably fine."

But Shiro was barely listening, eyes wide with fear. "Or they were so busy with their  _engagement_ that they forgot to put the pod on autopilot to make out, and they crashed into some asteroid thousands of lightyears away!"

"Or they're planning on coming back right after they get married," Pidge suggested, "and we have more time to work on a cure without worrying about them getting in the way."

Shiro scowled at her. "What, so we're not even going to look for them?"

"Look, they'll have to come back at some point," Lance assured him. "Won't the pod run out of fuel or something?"

"Actually," Pidge countered, "they have plenty of fuel to get to another planet to recharge, so-" Lance shook his head at her, and she cut herself off. "Right. Not helping," she added, clearing her throat. "Like I said, there's nothing we can do. They're off the grid."

"I can't believe they left. I can't believe I-" And, just as Pidge had begun to think that Shiro was starting to cool off, he broke down again. "It's my fault!" he bawled. "I pushed them away. I pushed Keith away, and now he hates me."

"Don't worry, Shiro," Lance said calmly. "There are, uh, lots of fish in the sea, y'know?"

"I just want Keith to be happy," Shiro sobbed, lip quivering pathetically. "And he isn't happy with me. I guess it's hopeless. I can't quite compare with a beautiful alien princess."

Lance nodded again, the thoughtful look in his eyes nothing but sympathetic, but before he could give any other, more-sensible words of comfort, Pidge blurted, "that's rough, buddy."

She wasn't wrong. Shiro cried harder.

Lance pressed his lips together like he was holding back a rude comment, then sighed. "Didn't you say they were brainwashed?" he asked patiently, though he was clearly frustrated under the surface. Somehow, in the past ten seconds, he'd developed a twitch. "Shiro, that's just the drugs! You know he doesn't actually feel that way, right?"

Shiro's shoulders convulsed as he continued to sob. "No, Lance, I was just being stupid," he insisted, eyes screwed shut like that would keep the tears from falling too hard. "He's never shown any interest before. Why would he suddenly fall in love now, just because I started acting like a child?"

And that's what really got to Pidge: Shiro was talking like he'd been in love with Keith forever. This meant one of two things; either Shiro really had been in love with Keith for a long time, or the drug had just made Shiro  _think_  that he'd been in love with Keith for a long time. That second option scared Pidge, because it meant that the drug really could affect people's memories. What if her crush on Lance was just a figment of her drugged imagination? It sure didn't feel like it, but it was a possibility she couldn't possibly ignore anymore.

After a moment or two of silence, Lance let out another sigh. "Shiro, whenever this is all over with, you and Keith need sit down and have a long talk about this. Like, a super-long talk. This is getting crazy. For now, though, do you have any idea where they would go?"

"Probably to go get married," Shiro replied sharply, and Pidge could hear a shadow of his former aggression as he spoke. "They don't even want me at the wedding."

Lance furrowed his brow. "But you said you didn't want to go."

"I know, I know that, but Lance, it's Keith's wedding!" Shiro argued, voice raising slightly in panic. "I can't just not go. If I can't be the groom, I at least need to be the best man."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, they're probably gonna get divorced pretty soon, anyway," Lance tried to assure him, but it came out as an uncertain squeak.

Shiro rolled his eyes. "It really doesn't, but that's a nice thought. Ugh, why Allura? Why did he have to pick the one person I couldn't ever compete with?"

Lance deadpanned. "Okay, no. Nope, not you, too. You're  _not_  gonna put Allura on the same crazy-high pedestal everyone else does. The Princess is great, but she's  _human_. Well, not human, I guess, but- you get it! She's just like anyone else! And Keith isn't in love with her because she's some sort of perfect, angelic being, or whatever. Heck, he's not in love with her at all! He's in love with- well, I'll let him tell you that himself, but it's not Princess Allura, trust me! You can totally compete with her."

"Oh, and who's he getting married to right now?!" Shiro shot back, tears still streaming down his face. "You can quit lying to me, Lance!"

Lance finally seemed to lose his cool, exhaling sharply through his nose before exclaiming, "how many times do I need to tell you, it's the frigging drugs!"

Suddenly, Shiro stood up, looking down his nose at Lance and puffing out his chest to show off his stature. "How do you know that?!"

But Lance didn't back down. "Because I had to listen to that guy rant at me for  _months_ because he's so in love with  _you, Shiro!"_ he cried, poking Shiro in the chest to enunciate his words. "He's loved you as long as he's known you, and he tore himself apart when you were gone, and one day, he accidentally spilled his guts to me and since then, he's told me everything! Literally everything, and I just- aghhhh!" He paused, rubbing his temples like he had a headache, then continued in tandem. "I know the entire teen rom-com, and it's sickeningly cute! I'm surprised you don't notice the quiznaking hearts in his eyes whenever he looks at you, because they kinda make me wanna barf!"

"Bullshit!" Shiro shouted, face going red. At long last, he'd stopped crying, and he drew an angry hand across his face to dry it off. "Why would Keith tell you any of that?"

"I don't know! He had no one else to talk about it with," Lance said, twitching in exasperation. That didn't sound like the whole truth to Pidge, but she wasn't about to get in between those two when they still looked ready to fight. "It's not like he could go to you with it. Don't tell him I said any of that, the guy would have a conniption."

"Bullshit," Shiro said again, the word spat like bile from his lips.

"Whatever."

Shiro looked like he was going to make some indignant remark, but he was interrupted by a notification beep from Pidge's tablet. "What's that?" he asked instead.

Pidge looked down to see. It sounded like the alert she got when someone was calling the ship. "It's- wait, what?"

No way. There was no way they'd contact them that quickly, was there?

Happy to have a distraction, Lance ran to Pidge and stooped over her shoulder, trying to read the screen. "What? What is it?"

"It's Keith and Allura!" Pidge replied, still shocked. "We've got contact with the escape pod."

Shiro raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you got it to work?"

She shook her head. "No, they turned their comms back on.  _They're_  contacting  _us!"_

"Really? Why, though?" Lance narrowed his eyes, and he craned his neck even further over Pidge's shoulder. Pidge, flustered, swiveled away from him.

"Probably just announcing their stupid wedding," Shiro grumbled under his breath.

Figuring she should get consent, since Shiro was in a weird mood, Pidge asked, "So, do you want me to pick up or not?"

"Of course I do!" Shiro retorted, offended. "Why wouldn't I?"

She didn't even have the energy to be intimidated anymore, so Pidge simply shrugged and said, "alright, here goes nothing." She pressed the 'accept' button and turned up her speakers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*This is not real science; please don't pretend it is. I don't want to be the reason someone failed chemistry. Don't follow in Lance's footsteps._
> 
> So, my roommate is also a huge Voltron fan, and she tends to doodle while I read my chapters aloud to her. She doesn't post her stuff online, but this time around, she drew the best picture of Lance talking to Shiro during that last scene. He has the perfect Tired™ face, and the caption is "I no longer have the mental energy to pretend like Keith is not in love with you." Honestly, that's about the point I was at this chapter, so I'm glad that's how it came across :D


	7. Loverboy

 "Hello?" Lance asked as he stooped over Pidge's device. "Anyone there?"

For a moment, there was only static fuzz, but then a distant voice came through over the speakers. "Shiro? Shiro!"

It was Keith. Pidge turned up the volume.

"Shiro, are you there?"

And suddenly, Shiro was running over to Pidge, snatching the device from her hands. "Keith?" he cried, fingers fast around the edges of the tablet.

Pidge leaned over Shiro to fiddle a bit with some settings, and the radio haze faded to a dull whine quiet enough that Keith's sigh of relief was audible through the speakers. "Shiro," he said, voice heavy with emotion (more like melodrama, Lance thought), "you're alright!"

"Yes," Shiro replied, "yes, I'm fine."

Which was awesome, because Lance still wasn't quite sure whether they'd actually been using the cryopod right. He couldn't imagine how Keith would've reacted if they hadn't been able to heal him—he probably would've killed Lance and Pidge then died of grief himself. That boy was in too deep; he was so obsessed with Shiro that-

Except Keith hadn't been obsessed with Shiro, last Lance had seen him. "Wait, but what about you and Allura? Did you two, y'know, do the wedding thing?"

Shiro shot him a dark glare.

Lance just shrugged; someone had to bring up the wedding thing. Even though Keith sounded perfectly normal right now, Lance still half-expected the guy to slip right back into that dopey drawl and proclaim himself a married man.

Instead, Allura spoke up. "No, we did  _not_ ," she said, voice softer than usual, her last word wavering as if she were about to go on, but thought better of it. "The drug finally wore off," she tacked on in explanation. "We're coming back to the castle as soon as possible."

Pidge gaped. "It just wore off on its own?" she blurted back in awe. She paused in thought, then continued. "Maybe the air in the pod had little enough of the drug that you managed to get it out of your systems, in which case, you might run the risk of getting intoxicated again if you come back."

"What about the castle's filtration system?" Allura suggested. Still, her voice was low and quiet, and maybe a bit distracted. If not for her perfect diction, Lance might not have heard what she'd said. She was probably shaken, he figured. Anyone would be shaken, if they'd been forced to fall in love with  _Keith_  for a day.

Pidge shook her head. "Can't process it. Hunk checked earlier, before he- well, before he  _got smote,_ I guess."

"Got what?" Allura echoed, confused.

Lance's heart stopped for a split second, then he broke into a grin. She'd used his word! That was his word, that he'd made up because  _smitten_  sounded dumb! Pidge was so cool. That was so funny.

Pidge's eyes met his before she replied, "don't worry about it, Allura. Just an inside joke." Then, shooting Lance one last smirk, she took the device back from Shiro and pulled up Hunk's info again. "The filters can't remove it from the air, and I'm no chemistry expert, but there's no way we've taken enough of it in that- wait, what?!"

Lance and Shiro both startled.

"What?" Allura asked.

"It's gone!" Pidge exclaimed, incredulous. "It just disappeared. Last I checked the systems, the gas's concentration was at five percent—only .5% down from yesterday. But now, only an hour later, it's vanished. Zero percent concentration. Are the scanners broken?" Her fingertips tapped furiously across the screen.

"No," she answered herself, "everything else checks out. What the hell just happened? This isn't physically possible. The filters still haven't done anything. It's just gone."

"Does that mean we can come back?" Keith demanded frantically. The ' _I need to see Shiro right now'_  wasn't said aloud, but it was definitely implied.

Pidge grumbled at her device like it had offended her somehow, then rolled her eyes. "I mean, there's no reason for you not to, so if that's what you want, loverboy…." She trailed off, cursing under her breath as she tried to find some explanation for what was going on.

There was silence on the other end for a bit. Then, slowly, Keith asked, "Pidge, did you just call me 'loverboy'?"

Honestly, Lance hadn't paid much mind to the phrase, but now that Keith had pointed it out? Pidge would never call him that, unless she was talking about his crush on Shiro—Keith's  _secret_  crush on Shiro that Pidge hadn't known about until Lance had accidently told her about it.

Yikes.

"Well, yeah," Pidge droned back, still scowling at her tablet. "Y'know, because you're in love with Shir-  _oh._ "

Lance could pinpoint the exact moment Pidge realized what she was doing, eyes going wide as the device slipped from her fingers. She covered her mouth with both hands and her head jerked toward Lance, meeting his gaze with guilty eyes. Lance just slumped his shoulders and put his head in his hands, praying that Keith wouldn't catch on.

No such luck. "In love with- what? you knew about that? How did you find out?"

A pause, full of tension so thick Lance nearly choked on it. Then:

" _Lance?!"_

Well, this was it. This was how Lance would meet his untimely demise. The second Keith got to the castle-ship, Lance would be a dead man. He could almost feel his soul leaving his body just thinking about it. It took what felt like hours before Lance even remembered how to breathe, much less speak up to defend himself.

By then, Keith's patience had already dwindled. "Lance, what the fuck? You promised you wouldn't tell anyone! Why would you-"

"It was an accident!" Lance protested. It was the only thing he could think to say. All his other thoughts were scrambled, so twisted and tangled that he couldn't translate them into words.

Keith let out something between a sigh and a growl. "How could you possibly spill that on accident?"

At that, Lance's thoughts finally sorted themselves. "You don't get it," he insisted, and now that he'd started talking, he couldn't stop himself. "Shiro was going insane! He was crying his eyes out because he thought you rejected him by launching yourself into space, and I tried to calm him down—really, I did! But it didn't work! Keith, he was crying! I panicked! What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, maybe not tell him something that  _I told you not to tell anyone!"_  Keith cut himself off with a groan.

Lance didn't have anything useful to say to that, so he bit his lip to keep himself from spouting off any more nonsense. Pidge rested a hand on his shoulder, which felt kinda nice, but it wasn't enough to keep him from feeling like a jerk.

"Was he really crying because I left?" Keith finally asked, voice gentler now.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Well, what were you expecting? He's still drugged to think he's in love with you, and you just ran off to go get hitched."

"No, you don't understand," Shiro butt in (he'd been so quiet that Lance had almost forgotten they were right next to each other). "I  _am_  in love Keith!"

Keith's breath was ragged over the low hum of static. He didn't say anything, but Lance imagined he was holding back tears.

It was Allura who broke the silence, putting on a clearly-fake businesslike air as she announced, "I've plotted a course for the castle. We'll be there in just a few doboshes."

Pidge perked up at that—apparently she was as happy to change the topic as Lance was. "That's great. Do you need anything else?"

"I don't believe so. Before we end the call, though, I wanted to apologize for injuring you, Shiro."

Shiro, who'd drifted off into a trance of some sort, perked up at his name, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. It's all over now. Just- when you get back, stay away from him."

"Understood."

Without another word, she hung up.

* * *

 

A universe without Lance was like a universe where the only thing to eat was castle-grade food goo: Hunk would feel lost and purposeless in either of them. Lance was the most beautiful, amazing person ever, and Hunk would never stop trying to make up for all the time he'd known Lance without realizing that. Sure, Lance had been his best friend for years, and he'd always loved him like a platonic dudebro should, but that wasn't enough. It would never be enough to express the true devotion Hunk had to Lance's awesomeness now that he'd seen the light. Lance was the most awesomely awesome dude in the universe, and Hunk was honored to be his boyfriend.

So he thought as he woke up sometime in the mid-afternoon, stretching and rubbing his eyes before standing up with unsteady legs still heavy from sleep. What had Lance told him before they'd gone to bed last night? He was having a hard time remembering, but he really didn't want to let his boyfriend down. He wanted to do everything Lance said, because then Lance would be happy, right? That made sense.

He remembered them walking back to Hunk's room. Then, Lance had forced him to put on his pajamas, ordering Hunk not to start any "shenanigans" (whatever he'd been trying to imply by that. Maybe it was a euphemism?), and then he'd tucked Hunk into bed. Just before giving Hunk some sedatives, Lance had given him one final command.

"Look man," he'd said, "I know you want to follow me around everywhere, but if you wake up, I'm gonna need you to stay put until Pidge and I come back to get you. You're, uh- sick? Yeah, and we need to find a cure, so just stay in this room. There's some books and enough food for a few days in here so…. Just, please don't leave unless the castle-ship is burning down? Okay?"

At the time, Hunk had nodded and downed the pills without protest. The request had seemed simple enough. If staying in his room would make Lance happy, then Hunk was glad to comply. But now, as he cast his eyes about the room, he couldn't help but wonder: why was it taking so long for Lance to come back? Hunk had been asleep for over 12 vargas, which felt like a long time. What if Lance was in trouble? Things tended to happen out in space. Sure, it had been quiet lately (they hadn't seen Lotor in a while now, and Zarkon was still MIA), but someone could've easily attacked them since Hunk had been sedated the night prior. Maybe the only reason Lance hadn't come back to get him was because there'd been an emergency, and Hunk had slept right through it.

Oh no. What if Lance was dead? Like, in space? Just because Hunk hadn't been there to protect him? They couldn't form Voltron without Hunk, and without Voltron, Lance could actually be deceased, like, right now! That wasn't good.

And now, looking at the clock on the wall, it had been 12 vargas, 24 doboshes, and 13- no, 14- no,  _15 ticks_ and counting since Hunk had last seen Lance! This was crazy! Hunk had to go find him. Like, now. Really.

Resolute in his goal, Hunk marched out the door and down the hallway.

"Let's see," he muttered to himself. "If I was Lance, where would I be?"

He thought Lance's room might be a good start since Lance slept there and played video games there and all that. When he opened the door, though, Lance was nowhere to be found. Hunk checked the closet and everything!

That was alright, though. He still had the deck, the kitchen, the lounge, the training room, and Red's hangar (and Blue's hangar, too) to check before Hunk really had to worry, right? Still determined to find his possibly-endangered lover, Hunk did a lap around all the rooms where Lance tended to hang out, with no luck. With each passing room, he grew more and more frenzied, calling out Lance's name and turning over furniture.

After he'd exhausted all those options and begged both Red and Blue for Lance's location (with no response), Hunk decided to check everyone else's rooms. If he was in less of a hurry, he would've stopped to read everyone's diaries. He was a man on a mission, though, so he firmly avoided snooping anywhere but in closets and under beds (where Lance could possibly maybe be stuck). After that, he checked the pool, Kaltenecker's field, and every other room he could think of.

It was official: Lance was nowhere. Where else could he even be? Where hadn't Hunk checked yet?

The hangars! The hangars for the escape pods! They were all the way on the lowest level, and most of the time, Hunk forgot they even existed. If Lance's lion was still in its place, then Lance had to be on the castle-ship (unless someone had kidnapped him). He  _had_ to be in the lower hangars.

And if not? Then Hunk was ready to fly across the universe looking for him.

* * *

Before the call, Keith had figured his day couldn't possibly get any worse. He'd already spent the last thirty-six hours stoned on some love-potion-drug-thing, fallen for Allura (who was just a friend, thanks), left for dead the love of his life, and gotten  _engaged_. He'd thought that was rock-bottom. It didn't really get much worse than that. Well, fine, maybe it would've been worse if he and Allura had actually gotten married before the drug had worn off, but still: at this point, the very notion of Keith having a worse day was completely inconceivable.

Or at least, it had been, until he'd found out that Lance had told  _everyone_ —including Shiro—about his crush.

And now he was crying in an escape-pod, hiding his face in his hands so he didn't have to see Allura's sympathetic gaze. Why was he like this?

It wasn't anything to cry about. Sure, Lance had betrayed his trust, but Keith would've done the same in that situation. It's not like he could let Shiro tear himself apart over this, even if he'd only acted like that because of the drugs. Keith wasn't sure how Shiro would react once this was all over, but it was bound to be humiliating.

Already, he could imagine the pity in Shiro's eyes as he told Keith that, while they were great friends, Shiro just didn't feel that way. He could already predict the painful distance that Shiro would carefully place between them, hyper-sensitive about leading him on. Things would never be the same again. Keith could live with their relationship as it was. He would've been alright with it, even if he'd secretly wanted something more. He might've even be able to get over it someday.

But this? This would destroy their friendship, and Keith couldn't live with that. He could count the number of people he fully trusted on one hand—and most of those people were missing or dead. He couldn't lose Shiro. He just couldn't.

"Keith, are you alright?" Princess Allura asked delicately, resting a tentative hand on his back.

No. No, Keith wasn't alright. It was like he was getting blasted out of an exploding escape pod again, soaring endlessly through the void—he was confused, terrified, and his skin tingled in anticipation of imminent doom. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to talk to Shiro, like, ever again?

Allura let out a patient sigh, then continued. "Look, I know you and Shiro mean a lot to each other. I'm sure you two will work it out."

"How do you know?" Keith retorted, voice cracking as he shuddered, unable to stifle another sob. His face was still ducked down between his hands, but he could feel Allura's eyes drilling into his side like lasers. "Shiro isn't actually in love me; you know that, right? He was just saying that because of the drugs. Whenever he snaps out of it, he's gonna think I'm an idiot."

"Are you sure?" Allura queried. "He clearly cares a lot about you." She started running her hand up and down his back, like the soothing gesture alone would be enough to make him stop crying.

Keith shook his head, swiping his hands over his face before resting his chin atop them. "It's not like that."

She paused, probably waiting for Keith to elaborate, but he wasn't in the mood to talk. He was too focussed on calming himself down so he could quit embarrassing himself in front of the princess.

"I'm so sorry, Keith. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now." Her words were genuine—Allura always was, with him—but they weren't exactly helpful, right now.

"I don't even know how I'm supposed to face him. Like, maybe I'll be able to talk to him once he's back to normal-"  _and we've had a few decades to forget about all this,_  he added in his head- "but when we get back there, he's still gonna think he's in love with me! I can't do it. I can't handle that, knowing that in a couple hours, it'll all go away."

"You don't have to see him. We can keep him distracted until this blows over. He'll want to talk to you once he's returned to normal, though."

"I know."

"Are you alright?" she asked again.

Keith rolled his eyes. "Honestly? No." Now that he'd put all his insecurities out into the open, the knot in the pit of his stomach unraveled. He let out a sigh, allowing himself to relax. Allura was still rubbing his back, and it felt a bit awkward (he could barely feel it through his armor), but it still was still kind of nice. Finally, he'd stopped crying, so he drew a hand across his face again, blinking his sore eyes a couple times.

"I'm certain it'll be fine," she assured him. "Shiro would never hurt you. None of us would."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Keith drawled. "He'll probably want to keep his distance. You're right, though. I'm being dramatic."

"It's alright. I understand."

"Thanks, Allura." With that, Keith stretched and yawned, suddenly exhausted, then sat up as Allura withdrew her arm. As she rested her hand on her lap, Keith caught a glimpse of her engagement bracelet, which reminded him of his own band. It was still fastened tightly around his wrist, Altean knots digging into his skin uncomfortably.

Smirking, Keith raised his wrist to show her. "Heh, guess we don't need these anymore." Then, he moved to untie the knot.

"Wait!" Allura's arm jerked toward his, stopping his other hand from reaching the bracelet.

Keith growled. "Why? It's not like either of us want them, anymore."

"It's not that," she explained. "We need to perform an engagement-nulling ritual, if we wish to take these off. Otherwise, according to Altean custom, you would need to kill yourself."

Keith deadpanned. "Good."

Allura gasped. "Keith!"

"It was a joke!" Keith cried, hands raised in defense. Yeah, in retrospect, that had probably been in bad taste. "Just a… really bad joke. Sorry. Don't worry, I'll keep it on."

"Good," she said in reply, still staring into his eyes skeptically.

Keith flinched under her scrutiny. Seriously, though,  _suicide?_  Over a dishonorably-broken engagement? "God, I'd really need to- but why, though? That's gotta be the most extra tradition ever! What the fuck? That's- that's ridiculous. What about situations like this?"

"Situations where both parties were under the influence of a powerful infatuation drug, and no one was around to stop us from performing the official Altean engagement ritual?" Allura clarified, nonplussed. "You may be surprised to hear this, but I don't believe that was a common enough plight that we had to amend our code of law."

Keith opened his mouth to argue, but he had to admit that Alteans probably didn't get engaged on accident very often. "Okay, fine. Fine! I'll keep the damn bracelet on. I still don't understand why Alteans are so crazy, though."

Allura raised an eyebrow. "We're crazy? Your people literally harvest liquid intended for young animals and put it in your desserts."

"Fair." The pod, still on autopilot, swerved to the right, and Keith's ears popped as he glanced back out the glass windshield and into the deep, starry sky. They were getting close; they had to be, if the pod was making pinpoint turns like that.

Sure enough, within a few minutes, they were right in front of the castle-ship.

"Well, here we are," Allura said, disabling autopilot to steer the pod into the hangar. "If you'd like, I can go first and distract them."

Keith nodded. "That'd be great. Thanks, Princess." He put a hand on the side of the pod to steady himself as it landed. Now, Shiro was standing just a few yards in front of him, and Keith's mouth went dry as the other man's eyes met his own, dark and blazing with passion. Shiro's look of devotion was so desperate, so real, that Keith had to avert his gaze.  _This isn't Shiro,_  he had to remind himself, because the drug was just that convincing.  _This is just some cruel joke._

Whenever Keith got his hands on the people behind this drug, he was gonna kill them. It was only fair, since they'd just destroyed him and Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you, too, are a keith fan who wishes keith would just love himself, you can find me on tumblr [here](http://kogane.ninja/)


	8. Sin(π/2)

Lance was an obnoxious person—and usually, he was okay with that. Nothing came more naturally to him than talking, so he did a lot of it, especially when he wasn't quite sure what else to do. Whether he was panicking inwardly because of a cute girl, anxious for a big performance in front of a bunch of people, or caught in the throes of an intergalactic battle, his first instinct was to commentate. It was just who he was: loud and a little annoying and 100% proud of it. That didn't make him a bad person, or anything like that. He was just outgoing, and that was perfectly fine.

It was just that… well, Lance was a bit of a blabbermouth sometimes. He tended to speak faster than his brain could finish processing his words, and every once in awhile (okay, maybe a bit more often than that), it came back to bite him in the butt.

Like this whole Keith and Shiro thing. Honestly, would it have killed him to keep his mouth shut every once in a while? He knew he'd screwed up. No matter how inconsolable Shiro had been, it had still been a jerk move to tell him about Keith's crush. That was Keith's call, and no one else's. Now, he was on damage control, waiting for a chance to make things up to Keith (as reluctant as he was to apologize to his rival).

As the pod landed, Lance's eyes darted around in search of Keith. The glossy surface of the hatch was nearly opaque from the outside, which made it tough to spot him, but if Lance squinted, he could just barely make out something Keith-shaped behind the glass where the co-pilot's seat would be.

His attention was drawn away from the form, though, when Allura hopped out through the side door. "We're back," she announced as she walked across the hangar, making a beeline just a few feet to Lance's left, directly toward… Shiro?

"You're still wearing the bracelets," the man said in lieu of a greeting, brow furrowing as Allura closed in on him. Lance expected her to stop in front of Shiro, but she just kept moving until she was uncomfortably close to him. Shiro put out his arms to keep her away, edging backward toward the wall. "Princess, what are you doing?" he demanded with an  _oof_  as his back hit the wall.

"Just making sure you don't move," Allura said pleasantly, grabbing Shiro's arms to keep him trapped. "Neither Keith nor I can remove these bracelets until we annul the engagement, so you'll have to be patient."

Lance shivered—Pidge was tugging on his sleeve, pulling him down so she could whisper in his ear. "What is she doing?" she hissed.

All Lance could do was shrug and watch in horror (and nagging déja vû) as Shiro and Allura fought for the umpteenth time in the last two days.

"What, trying to keep him for yourself?" Shiro barked, arms shaking against Allura's hold. "He doesn't love you! He loves  _me!_ He said so himself!"

"No, I'm not going to keep him for myself. I'm not interested in him, either," Allura replied, calm and reserved as ever. "However, I do need to restrain you so that Keith can leave and clear his head. You're still under the influence of the drug, and I can't trust you not to follow him."

But Shiro didn't seem too interested in listening, distracted by Allura's ever-tight grasp around his arms. "Let go of me!" he shouted, arms flexing as he fought against her hold. "I need to see Keith!"

Allura turned to Pidge and Lance. "We need to knock him unconscious."

Lance snorted. "No kidding."

"Well, the drug's going haywire," Pidge pointed out, motioning toward Shiro (who was still prattling on about needing Keith), "so it probably wouldn't be safe to sedate him. There's no telling how he'd react at this point."

Okay, so that ruled out  _that_  option. "Maybe you can hit him in the head?" Lance suggested to Allura. "That worked pretty well last time."

Allura raised a single, unimpressed eyebrow, looking entirely nonplussed in spite of Lance's ridiculous remarks and the giant dude with the robotic arm trying to kill her. "And risk head trauma or permanent injury? The cryopods can only do so much."

"You don't need to knock me out! I can control myself just fine!" Shiro blurted, looking to Lance like the opposite of  _control_ , eyes wide and breath on the verge of hyperventilation.

"Yeah, sure, Shiro," Lance shot back, rolling his eyes. "You're totally in control. Super controlled."

Allura and Pidge didn't back him up vocally, but he figured their deadpan glares said enough—especially when Shiro's eyes flashed between the three of them, searching silently for someone to back him up.

When he found no one, he finally took a calming sigh and asked, dejected, "look, does Keith really not want to see me?"

"Not until the drug's worn off," Allura told him, shaking her head.

Shiro glanced up at the pod with a pout. "But why not?" he whined, reminding Lance of a six-year-old begging for sugary cereal at the supermarket.

"I mean, can you really blame him?" Pidge snarked. Her eyes followed Shiro's gaze toward the pod, and she shot it a look like she expected Keith to confirm her words from the inside.

Well, Keith wasn't going to, so someone had to second her remarks. "Yeah, seriously, dude!" Lance added. "Even if I was in love with you, I'd still be scared you'd bite my head off or something. You need to cool down."

Pidge's eyes snapped to him. "Wait, you're in love with-"

"Gross, no!" Lance exclaimed. What, had she misheard or something? That was crazy…. Unless she was jealous! "Why," he asked, trying to be inconspicuous, "are you?"

"Hasn't changed since the last time you asked," she sneered, "I already told you I wasn't. That's disgusting!"

Lance barely contained his relief, and he hoped Pidge wouldn't notice how embarrassed he was as he replied, "hey, I was just making sure you-"

Luckily, Allura interrupted before he could finish his (awful) explanation. "Stop it, both of you! We've got more important tasks to focus on."

A task? More important than Pidge? That sounded fake, but okay.

"Shiro," she continued, turning to the man, "are you willing to cooperate?

Oh, right. That probably was more important than Pidge right now.

Shiro was still casting forlorn looks at the pod like he wanted to run up and take Keith in his arms right then and there, but he managed to look away long enough to consider Allura's question. "Fine," he conceded. "Do whatever you want."

Allura nodded. "Good. Now, what should we do with him?"

"Well, apparently we can't knock him out," Lance said, rubbing his chin, "and tying him up didn't work for very long last time."

"And we probably can't trust him in his room, with his arm," Pidge added.

And then Lance was struck with a brilliant idea. "Ooh, wait! We could lock him in a cryopod!"

Pidge deadpanned. "That's a terrible idea. We can't knock him out, and the pod's made of glass."

"No, like, we could have it do the retract-y thing where it…." Stuck for words, Lance tried to make a retracting hand gesture before adding, "Y'know, it retracts. Like that time when Coran had me clean them and I got stuck in one and it was super cold!"

Allura frowned in thought. "Actually, that might work. He'll need some blankets, though."

Pidge nodded. "I can get some if you can get him into the med wing."

And, with Allura's hands still tightly wrapped around Shiro's arms, the two exited the hangar, leaving Lance to stew in his own thoughts.

It was almost like she  _wanted_ to get close to Allura- okay, of course she'd want to get close to Allura, if they wanted to restrain Shiro, but… it looked like it was more than that. Like Pidge  _liked_  Allura or something. Which was, of course, a fair assumption, because honestly, who didn't like Allura?

Lance might have pursued that line of thought further, but he heard a door slam from behind him. He turned on his feet—it was Keith. Lane had almost forgotten that Keith had still been sitting in the pod, what with all the drama between Allura and Shiro. "Hey, Keith," Lance called out, waving to him. "I just wanted to-"

"Don't wanna hear it," Keith interrupted, knocking shoulders with Lance as he brushed past him and made his way for the door.

Lance couldn't just let him go like that without apologizing; instead, he ran to catch up with the boy and caught him by the shoulders, forcing Keith to stop in his tracks. His eyes went wide as they met Lance's. Had Keith gotten any sleep last night? He looked exhausted, with deep, dark circles under his eyes.

"You're just gonna run away?" Lance asked. It was a stupid question; Allura had already said that he'd want time alone to process all of this. Still, though, Lance felt like moping and becoming a hermit weren't really good solutions to Keith's problems. And Lance still hasn't apologized yet.

"Don't follow me," Keith warned Lance instead of answering his question, and with one final glare, he wiggled out of Lance's hold and sprinted out the door, quiet as a ninja.

Well, Lance had to follow him now.

* * *

"Alright, so that happened," Pidge said with a sigh as she slumped down by the retracted cryopod. Shiro had been fine with his confinement as Pidge had retrieved the blankets and wrapped them around him, and continued to be fine up until they'd actually tried to push him into the cryopod.

Then, it had been all-out war. Shiro had demanded to see Keith "one last time" and made a mad bolt for the door right when Allura let her guard down. Had it not been for some fancy maneuvering (and, fine, maybe Pidge had resorted to using her bayard to trip him), he probably would've trashed the whole castle-ship looking for a terrified Keith at this point.

"Yes, that certainly happened," Allura confirmed as she sat primly beside her. "Perhaps it would have been less difficult had we thought to get Lance's help."

"Yeah," Pidge replied with a nod, though that got her thinking (or, rather, the drug got her thinking), and an unsettling suspicion washed over her. "But what exactly would he have done? It's not like he could've pulled out his bayard, and he's not that great at hand-to-hand combat, either. He's definitely no match for Shiro, at least."

Allura raised an eyebrow. "Well, for one, he could have shut and locked the door," she retorted, gesturing pointedly at the open door. "That might have made it a bit more of a challenge for Shiro to escape."

Now, inwardly, Pidge understood that Allura probably didn't mean for her to take that remark personally. Pidge had started this, after all; Allura had simply suggested a valid reason as to why Lance might've been useful in this particular situation.

But, on the surface, Allura's words felt like a personal attack. Pidge was tired, how was  _she_  supposed to remember to shut the door? And who's to say Lance would be any more likely to close it than her? Sure, Lance was amazing, and funny, and charming, but he wasn't any more observant than Pidge. Why would  _he_  have closed it?

No, Allura was either being stupid, or there was something else at play here. Pidge had noticed when Lance had stopped flirting with Allura, the day when Lance had gone from using relentless pickup lines to, y'know, not doing that. Up until now, she'd assumed that Lance had finally gotten over her, but maybe that wasn't it…. Maybe… "Wait, Allura, are you…?"

Allura turned to her, concerned. "Am I what?"

"Are you and Lance, you know…." Unable to verbalize it right away, she made a vague gesture with her hands, but that just seemed to confuse Allura. So, through gritted teeth, she finished, "y'know, together?"

"What?!" Allura yelped, eyes going wide and cheeks flushing bright red. "Of course not! He's  _Lance!_  I would rather date Keith—not that I would date Keith to begin with. That's beside the point though." At that, she drew away from Pidge, seemingly abashed at her own words, twirling a lock of silvery hair around her fingers. As she sat in silence she seemed to grow more and more disturbed at the thought (or perhaps she was simply disturbed that Pidge had found out). "I can't believe you would even think that!" she added with a grimace. "Are you mad?"

Pidge rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not mad. What, is it mad for me to consider that possibility, when he's been all over you for almost two years now?"

Allura didn't reply; instead, she bit her lip as she blushed even deeper. There was no way Allura would be this embarrassed if she didn't have anything to hide, right? There was something sketchy about this whole ordeal.

"Actually, y'know what? I think I am mad," Pidge decided. "I'm mad that you're lying to me about Lance. You are dating him, aren't you? Why else would you be acting like this?"

"Oh, I don't know," Allura bantered back derisively, "perhaps because you accused me of having a secret affair with Lance? That's almost offensive. Do you know how many times I've turned him down? Do you not understand that I have never once shown any romantic interest in him?"

Right, of course. Just because Allura had never shown any interest in Lance before, totally meant that she could never possibly start to show any interest in him now. For all Pidge knew, this was all a front to throw her off. "I'm offensive?" she shot back, affronted. "No, you're offensive for stealing Lance from me!"

"I did not steal Lance from you!" she insisted in spite of the fact that she was  _definitely, one-hundred-percent, lying._  "I never wanted him in the first place! If he-" Abruptly, she cut off, realization in her eyes. Maybe, she'd finally seen reason and decided to admit to her relationship. "Wait a moment," she continued. "Pidge, are you feeling alright?"

That wasn't what Pidge had wanted to hear. That was like an extension of 'are you mad?', but more patronizing, like Pidge couldn't see right through her. "No!" she shouted, rising to her feet so she could look down at Allura. "Not everyone can be as tall and pretty and- and- alien as you! Or have that white hair, and those pointy elf ears and that perfect skin that Lance probably loves because you haven't once gotten a breakout since we met you! And not everyone gets to have Lance like you do! Of course he chose you! I mean, who am I, anyway? Some tiny antisocial robot girl?" Pidge only stopped there because she knew that if she went on, she would either get violent or start crying. She wasn't sure which one of those would be worse at this point.

Allura let out a patient sigh like Pidge was some kind of child, then stood and put her hands on Pidge's shoulders. "Pidge, stop," she chided, her calmness feeling like a slap in the face in contrast with Pidge's sheer rage. "This is the drug talking. You might not even love Lance in the first place."

"I do, though!" Even if this was drug-induced, Pidge had to believe that much. Even that little voice of reason in the back of her head that thought she was going crazy believed it. "Ever since that first day at the Garrison, when he actually seemed to give a damn about the awkward tech guy, I just couldn't help it. Don't you realize how great he is?" For a minute, she almost got carried away in her musings on Lance, but the ever-present reality of Lance and Allura's relationship snapped her out of it. "I mean, of course you do, since you're together now," she tacked on with a sigh. "Why'd you have to come along and screw everything up, anyway?"

The bait was hanging right there, but Allura didn't go for it. "Pidge, you have to believe me: Lance and I are not together. In fact, he decided a few months ago that he wanted us to simply be friends. He told me so himself. And why would I lie to you about this?"

To be honest, when Pidge seriously thought about it, Allura didn't really have much to gain by not telling her the truth. Why would she and Lance have hidden their relationship in the first place (assuming they'd had a relationship to hide)? Maybe this really was the drug.

"No," she finally replied, "you probably wouldn't."

"I would never lie to you about something like this," Allura repeated, allowing Pidge to let the idea truly embed itself in her mind. "Now, do you think you can keep calm until this wears off? It could be a several vargas."

Pidge took a deep, grounding breath. "Yeah, I think so."

* * *

See, the problem with following Keith, Lance realized as he reached an intersection in the hallway, was that Keith was a lot faster than Lance. "Let's see," he mused, humming to himself, "does Keith seem like the kind of guy to turn right, turn left, or keep going straight?"

Actually, Keith probably wouldn't even think to turn, when he could keep moving directly ahead, right? He might not have even noticed he'd come to an intersection at all. So, Lance kept moving forward, assuming that Keith would keep going straight.

And then the hallway ended. Now, Keith  _had_  to have turned right or left, unless he'd wanted to put a hole through the wall (Lance wouldn't have put it past the guy, but he didn't see a hole there, so…). "Oh, come on! Now where am I supposed to go?"

Puzzled, Lance looked to the right, then to the left, then to right again. Perhaps, if he stared hard enough, for long enough, a magical path to Keith would materialize before him.

It sounded crazy, but as he kept watching and listening, Lance swore he could hear someone calling his name way off to the left. That seemed legit, so Lance turned left and continued walking toward the sound of the voice, which grew louder and clearer until-

Hunk. That was Hunk's voice. Oh.

"Lance!" Hunk cried frantically, sprinting up to Lance and grabbing him by the shoulders. His grip grew tighter and tighter as he continued speaking. "Dude, I was so worried! I looked all over for you!"

Though Lance felt like his shoulders were going to crumble into chalkdust, he managed to muster a smile. "What are you doing here, buddy?" he asked. "I told you to stay in your room." Who knew what sort of trouble Hunk had caused, gallivanting around the castle-ship? And how was Lance supposed to get him under control now? Clearly, just giving him commands hadn't worked for very long, and Lance felt bad restraining him until this was over. And Hunk definitely,  _definitely_  couldn't follow him around—what if they managed to screw up the whole Hunk and Pidge thing even more than they already had?

Hunk literally shook him back to reality, rocking his shoulders back and forth as Lance felt his head bob aimlessly. "I just missed you so much!" Hunk bawled, eyes wide and pupils still as dilated as ever. "It's been over a day, and we still haven't gone on a date yet! Wow, just being around you is making my heart beat really quickly, I can't believe you're right here. Can I give you a hug? I'm gonna give you a hug."

"Hunk-!" Lance tried to protest, but it was too late. Hunk's arms were already wrapped tightly around him, and… actually, it was marginally better than the whole shoulder-shaking thing, though Lance's upper-arms were still throbbing. Now, at least, Lance didn't feel like a bobble-head.

After Hunk had thirty seconds or so to, ah, feel Lance in his arms, he finally seemed to calm down. "What were you doing, anyway?" he asked, not breaking the hug, but looking down to meet Lance's eyes again. "You're never down here."

"I'm trying to find Keith…. I kinda screwed something up, and now he's really mad at me."

Hunk cocked his head. "Doesn't that happen everyday?"

Usually, Lance would've laughed at that, but he felt too guilty to even joke about it now. "Not this bad," he said, trying to turn away from Hunk (which was kinda hard, when Hunk was hugging him like that). "I need to go apologize to him, and now he's had plenty of time to run away. Where would he even go?"

"His room?" Hunk surmised, which- actually, that made a lot more sense than what Lance had been thinking.

"Oh. Yeah, let's try that." It was almost sad how, even when he was high on this weird love drug stuff, Hunk was still Lance's voice of reason.

Now that Lance had some idea of where he was going, hunting down Keith became much easier. They just had to walk up some stairs and through a few familiar hallways to Keith's room, which was right around the corner from Lance's. The hardest part of the journey was probably Hunk's relentless flirting.

"Hey, Lance," Hunk gushed for the thousandth time in the last ten minutes.

"Yeah?" Lance replied wearily. "Please say this is the last one."

If Hunk had heard the last part of that, he ignored it. "What's your sign?" he asked.

Ahh, there was a pickup line Lance could get behind. He loved astrology! "I'm a Leo, don't you remember?" Hunk had probably seen Lance read through hundreds of horoscopes before. He had the sign of everyone on the ship memorized. Well, except for Coran and Allura, but Allura was totally a Taurus, and Lance bet that Coran was a Cancer.

"Leo?" Hunk repeated skeptically, like he'd never heard the word before. "Nah, it's gotta be pi divided by two, because  _you are the one."_

"Yeah, okay." Lance nodded slowly like he got it, but inwardly, he was just confused.  _What does that even mean? That's not on a zodiac chart…. At least, I don't_ think  _it is._

Luckily, before he could have a full-on existential crisis over the possible 'pi divided by two' sign that he might've forgotten about, they reached Keith's room.

Lance knocked the door. Nothing. "C'mon, Keith, open up!" he cried, pounding on the door a bit harder.

He was starting to suspect that Keith wasn't in his room after all when a voice came from behind the wall, muffled and grouchy. "I said not to follow me."

"Which meant that I had to follow you, duh!" Seriously, had Keith even met Lance before?

A sigh. Then, "what do you want from me?"

"I wanted to apologize," Lance told him, resting a hand on the door like his feelings of regret would ooze through it and get to Keith.

"Apology accepted," Keith said dismissively. "Now go away."

Yeah, that sure sounded like an accepted apology to Lance. No hard feelings there. "No, wait!" he called out, hoping Keith hadn't completely lost his patience with him yet.

"What?" he growled—like, actually growled, which probably wasn't a good sign. "What is it?"

Keith wasn't ever a super-approachable guy (at least, not to Lance), so Lance always had to tread carefully when he was trying to speak seriously with him. Now, though, he would probably be even touchier, so Lance took a moment to collect his thoughts before he continued. "Look, Keith, I'm really sorry," he told the door, hoping Keith would be able to grasp the weight of his words from behind it. "You trusted me, and it was stupid of me to screw you over just because I couldn't handle Shiro. Would you please open the door so I can at least look at you while I say that?"

"No," Keith said, cold and blunt as ever, and  _yikes_ , that stung like icicles piercing his back.

"Keith!"

"Hey, I don't blame you," the boy backpedaled frantically, likely sensing the hurt in Lance's voice. "I probably would've done the same thing. I just need some time to think, okay? I can't believe Allura and I- god, it was awful. I can't believe we did that."

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Lance queried, curiosity getting the best of him. "I mean, fine, it was probably a bit awkward, but neither of you actually wanted this. It's all over now, so no big deal, right?"

"No, it's pretty bad," Keith insisted, and Lance imagined him blushing at the very memory from behind the door.

"Aw, come on," Lance bantered back. Hopefully, teasing him like he normally did would distract Keith and he'd stop being such a mope. "What's the worst that possibly could've happened?"

Clearly, that strategy didn't work, because Keith's voice was as wooden as ever when he replied. "I kissed the princess."

… Wait, really? That's what Keith was so embarrassed about? "Dude, you almost married the princess!" Lance told him, incredulous. "A kiss is nothing. I would probably kiss Hunk right now if you asked me."

That seemed like a perfectly reasonable statement until a hopeful voice spoke up behind him. "Wait, you would?" Hunk asked. "You would kiss me?"

Oh no. "What? No, I didn't just say that." Desperate, he turned to the door. "Keith, back me up here?"

"Back you up how?" Keith asked coyly, and sure,  _now_ he was okay with the teasing rivalry thing. Awesome. "I just don't see what the big deal is."

"Keith!" Lance yelled, banging on the door in distress. "He's drugged, this is an awful idea. I don't wanna kiss Hunk!"

"Hey, you said it yourself," Keith told him. Lance could practically  _see_  the cocky smirk on the boy's face, and he was tempted to blast the door open with his bayard, just so he could smack that grin right off. "I mean, what's a kiss to you, anyway? You could probably kiss Hunk right now, and it wouldn't matter, because you think that a kiss is  _nothing_. Right, Lance?"

Well, Keith was no help at all, and as Lance swiveled back around, Hunk was looking at him expectantly.

Lance let out a weary sigh. "Fine. Come here, Hunk." With that, Lance tilted his head up and inched his way just a bit toward Hunk, who eagerly closed the gap.

The kiss was… awkward, to say the least. Hunk was way more into it than Lance was, and it was a bit like kissing his brother. Not that Hunk was a bad kisser or anything, but Lance had never pictured himself with that guy's tongue down in his mouth. Gross, gross, gross.

And then, abruptly, Hunk pulled away, eyes wide with shock. "Dude," he exclaimed, wiping the drool from his chin. "What was that? What's going on?"

"Wait, I thought you wanted to-" Lance began, but then he saw it.

Hunk's pupils weren't dilated. He was cured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't remember your trig, sin(π/2) = 1. Thus, Lance is the "1". Hunk is super funny.
> 
> So sorry for the long wait, guys! Finals and the holidays kinda took over my life. I should be back on track to post about once a week now, though. If you'd like, [feel free to hit me up on tumblr](http://kogane.ninja/).


	9. The One with All the Secret Relationships

"You're cured?" Lance asked, one eyebrow raised dubiously.

"Yeah, I think so," Hunk replied with a shrug. "I guess it just wore off, which is, y'know, cool." It was still strange, having the ability to think about things other than Lance's  _eyes_  and Lance's  _hair_  and Lance's  _sense of humor_ …. Of course, now those things just made him feel queasy and gross—not that feeling queasy was an unusual feeling for him or anything, just- Lance? His dude? His bro? His best bro? It was super awkward just to  _think_ about kissing him, much less experience that first-hand.

Keith spoke up from behind the door. "Wait, what? What happened?"

Lance rolled his eyes, then cupped his hands around his mouth as he yelled, enunciating each syllable as if Keith wouldn't be able to hear him otherwise, "why don't you come out and see for yourself,  _Keith_?"

"I'm good!" Hunk added weakly, electing to ignore Lance entirely. "I mean, I'm mostly good. I still had to kiss Lance, which is kinda disgusting-"

"Stop right there," Keith butt in. "You got better after you kissed him?" Hunk couldn't see his face, but Keith's tone was frantic and tense, like kissing Lance was some sort of life-or-death situation or something. Which it wasn't. At least, Hunk didn't think it was.

Rather than focus on that, Lance decided it best to continue mocking Keith. "What, did you want to see it for yourself?" Lance prodded, knocking on the door. "Because, y'know, if you wanted to, that's your fault for not coming out here and talking to me."

"That's not what I meant," Keith snapped, and Hunk just  _knew_  that his eyebrow was twitching. It was like a lit fuse; before Keith  _really_ got mad, his eyebrow would twitch so everyone knew to back away.

"Well, uh, what did you mean then?" Hunk asked him gingerly, shooting Lance a dirty look.  _Shut up, dude_.

Lance just shrugged like,  _what else was I supposed to do?_

Keith sighed. "The same thing happened to me. Allura and I both returned to normal right when we kissed. At the time, I assumed it was just a coincidence, and that the drug had just run its course, but…."

"Maybe it's the kissing that's doing it!" Hunk finished, jaw dropped in shock. "You're right, there's no way that'd happen twice in a row. Especially since you both snapped out of it right away, right?"

"Yeah."

"Exactly!" Oh, this was perfect. It was such a simple solution, too! Almost like- almost like magic. Wait…. "That's so strange, though. I mean, that implies that the drug reacts to the genetic material of whoever the victim falls in love with, which is, y'know,  _impossible_ , given any technology I've ever seen before."

Lance perked up beside him. "Actually, Pidge looked it up earlier. Apparently, there are these weird magical-chemistry-alien-wizard-dudes, and they can make chemicals with their minds! Sort of like the Olkari, but with chemicals, I guess. I still say they're space fairies."

Keith scoffed. "Of course you do."

"So, they can program chemicals at will? I guess that'd explain it," Hunk mused, rubbing his chin in thought. Lance was right, they almost sounded like witches brewing a love potion in some stupid supernatural novel. There had to be something awry here. "Why would they, though? Even if this was a war tactic or a sick joke, I don't understand why this would help anyone. I should probably check it out, just to be sure. Where did I leave my tablet?"

"Oh, yeah, Pidge is-" Lance started, but then he abruptly cut himself off, face falling. Gaze turned toward the ground, he mumbled, "Pidge has been using it. Apparently you were, like, good. Or something. I guess. Whatever. It's probably still in the hangar, though, if you need it."

What was going on? Why would Hunk being 'good or something' matter? Hunk shrugged it off, though. "Great, let's go get it. Keith, you wait here."

"That was already my plan," Keith drawled.

"Good plan, then. C'mon Lance!" With that, Hunk took a reluctant (and suddenly bitter) Lance by the arm and started leading him down the hallway.

Once Keith was out of earshot, Hunk stopped and turned to look Lance in the eye. "Okay, dude, you're being weird. Drugs messing with your head?"

"No, I'm immune," Lance muttered, turning away. "It's just- well, y'know that thing with you and Pidge?"

Hunk gawked. "What thing with me and Pidge?"

"Like," Lance continued, making some vague gesture with his hands. "The dating thing. You two are a couple, right?"

Whoa,  _what?_  Hunk stifled something at that, and he wasn't quite sure whether it would've come out as a laugh or a scream of terror. Lance had said he was immune, right? Not insane? Hunk hadn't misheard that?

Well, if Lance was drugged, Hunk saw no reason not to pull a fast one on him. "Yes," Hunk declared with a dramatic sigh, "we've been secretly dating for months now and it's  _very_ serious."

Lance gasped. "Really?"

"No."

Lance gasped again. "You aren't?"

"Of course not!" Hunk laughed. God, Lance fell for it every single time. "Come on, buddy. Don't you remember my thing for Shay? Pidge doesn't even like me! She likes- well, I probably shouldn't tell you."

Hunk only knew who Pidge liked in the first place because he'd read her diary; telling Lance would feel like a complete betrayal.

"I- oh." Without another word, Lance turned and started walking toward the hangar again.

"Wait, why do you care so much?" Hunk queried, jogging to catch up with Lance, who only sped up in front of him.

They rounded a corner, finally reaching the stairway that would take them down to the bottom floor.

That's where Hunk managed to stop him, one hand latched to Lance's shoulder. "Dude, you sound- you sound jealous!" he realized as a shocked Lance turned to face him. "Oh my god, you  _like_  her, don't you?"

"Hunk!" Lance whined, too embarrassed to even run away.

"Oooh, you totally do!" Hunk taunted. This was hilarious; Lance was going crazy, just like everyone else. "You have a crush on Pidge!"

"What? No way," Lance shot back. He was clearly trying to sound casual, but the twitching and blushing kinda ruined the effect. "No way. Not possible."

"Yeah, Lance, that was super convincing," Hunk said with a laugh. "C'mon, dude, you can tell me. She's really pretty, and you're really into girls; it was only a matter of time before something like this happened, I'd say. And the way you've been talking about her- hah, you're in too deep, aren't you?! Oh, this is great."

There was a brief pause, then, in a subdued tone, Lance replied, "Hunk, just- just drop it, okay?"

And that's when Hunk realized that there was something else going on here. This wasn't the way Hunk had been acting when he'd thought he was in love with Lance, this was deeper and more serious. Perhaps the drug was warping Lance's emotions, but there were definitely genuine feelings under the surface. "Whoa, you're serious. You're serious about this, aren't you? Wait, you aren't-"

"Don't say it!" Lance interrupted. "I'm not listening!"

Hunk said it anyway: "Lance, are you  _in love_  with her?"

Lance closed his eyes and massaged his temples like he had a headache. "Look, bro, we've got more important things to worry about right now. We can talk about the feelings that I don't have for Pidge after we figure out this drug thing."

Hunk could only shake his head as Lance continued walking down the castle steps. "Man, I can't believe you're this deep in denial. Fine. But after we're done, we're talking about this."

"Whatever," Lance called out distantly, already half a flight ahead of him.

* * *

 

When Pidge had said she could keep calm, Allura had known straight away that it would be easier said than done. Even without the drug, Pidge would get worked up easily, but with it, Pidge was a nervous wreck, pacing back and forth across the medical wing, looming between cryopods as she muttered to herself. Allura couldn't quite tell what Pidge was saying, her soft voice a distant buzz among the sounds of the castle-ship, but Allura swore it sounded like ' _don't think about Lance, don't think about Lance, don't think about…."_

Well, Pidge certainly wasn't falling into the drug's paranoid, accusatory whims. Allura wasn't sure this was much better, though. The other girl seemed to get more and more stressed as she continued walking. With each step, her footing grew more frantic and her hands started to shake with greater vigor. Allura could feel her own pulse beat faster just  _looking_  at her.

"Pidge," she finally said, and Pidge stumbled in surprise at the sound of Allura's voice.

Pidge turned to face her. "Yeah?"

Trying her best to be calm and diplomatic, Allura smiled as she asked, "Are you sure that all this, er, pacing about is helpful?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Pidge turned away and continued walking as she replied, "yeah, it gives me something to do."

Oh, was that all she needed? "Perhaps we could clean the castle, then, if you need to keep busy. It's likely a mess by now."

"I guess the kitchen is a bit of a disaster zone," Pidge agreed, and that's how Allura ended up in the kitchen, gaping at the utter chaos there.

"How did this even happen?" Allura demanded, nose twitching at the stench of congealed milk (at least, she figured it had to be the milk. What else would smell so horrid?). There were spills and messes of rotting food  _everywhere_ , and an impressive number of oven-mitts were strewn across the floor.

Pidge bit her lip. "Hunk was trying to cook for Lance and, well, he was drugged."

That certainly explained part of it, but Hunk was still a very tidy person. Even if he were drugged, that wouldn't justify the kitchen's state of complete disarray. And who would ever need this many oven mitts? Had a group of children ransacked the place while everyone's respective backs were turned?

Clearing her throat at the awkward silence, Pidge added, "uh, it didn't go well," which was completely, entirely unnecessary. Did this look like a successful cooking project to Pidge?

But, Allura reminded herself, Pidge was on edge as it was. Allura was perfectly capable of keeping calm while she figured out what had happened. "How not?" she queried coolly. "Did he make a mess on purpose?"

Pidge shook her head. "No, he spilled something, and when he tried to clean up, he didn't know where the towels were. All he could find was a bunch of oven mitts."

Well, that was bizarre. Weren't they in the upper retracting storage unit like usual? "Did he check the ceiling?"

"Why would he check the ceiling?" Pidge shot back, eye twitching.

"We have storage units in the ceiling to save space," Allura explained, because apparently humans didn't do that. "Anyway, we'll need some of those towels and some detergent to clean this mess. I can get those if you'll stay right here. I wish someone could've gotten to this earlier."

"Yeah, so do I," Pidge murmured, looking at the filthy oven with glazed eyes.

Allura quickly retrieved the cleaning supplies from the upper storage unit, and soon, they were both hard at work cleaning Hunk's mess. They worked in silence for a few minutes, Pidge putting away oven mitts as Allura cleaned the rotting food on the stove. Then, abruptly, Pidge turned away from the lower storage unit, oven mitt still in hand, and slumped over with a dramatic sigh.

"Man, this sucks," she said. "Hunk always cleans up after himself."

"Well, unfortunately," Allura replied, not even looking up from her work, "he probably isn't capable of cleaning very much as he is."

Pidge seemed to ponder this for a moment before her eyes lit up. "Maybe if Lance told him-" She cut off with a groan. "Ughhh, why are he and Lance so close, anyway? I swear, half the time I think they're together or something."

And they'd been doing so well. Allura felt a shiver of dread creep down her spine. "Pidge, they are not together," she argued, desperately hoping that those five words would be enough to stop this madness.

No such luck. "How do you know that?" Pidge demanded, fiercely throwing the oven mitt to the ground and crossing her arms over her chest in a move Lance probably would've called 'edgy'. Allura wasn't quite sure if she was using that word correctly, but Lance often used the label when Keith was moping, so she figured it applied.

She decided to give her calm discussion tactic another try, finally turning away from her cleaning to look at Pidge reassuringly. "Isn't Hunk involved with Shay?" she asked, hands raised in defense.

"No- wait, yes. Yes, he is," Pidge realized, jaw dropping. She uncrossed her arms to lightly smack herself in the face. "That was stupid."

 _Oh, thank the ancients…._ "Exactly, I'm glad you realize Lance isn't-"

"That doesn't rule out Shiro, though!" she interrupted.

"Shiro and Lance?! You're joking!" Allura cried, reeling from the mental whiplash to which Pidge had subjected her. She couldn't even imagine the mental hoops Pidge had leapt through to get to that conclusion. Lance wasn't dating Hunk, so… surely, he must be involved with Shiro? Why?

"I'm not joking," Pidge stated, blunt and straight-faced. "Lance practically worshipped the guy, back at the Garrison."

"Fair enough, but Shiro certainly hasn't reciprocated," she derided, stifling an indignant huff. Any sane person would've been able to tell that Shiro was definitely  _not_  interested in Lance. Of course, Pidge wasn't quite sane at the moment.

"I guess that's true," Pidge conceded, eyes narrowed, "but there was that thing with Nyma…"

"Who tied him up and tried to steal the blue lion?"

"Rolo?"

"Also involved in the same scandal."

"What about those girls from that planet with the-"

"Pidge!" Allura yelled, voice a bit hoarse from the stress. "Have you considered that Lance might not be in a relationship with anyone at all?"

"Impossible," Pidge asserted, confident in her delusion. "He flirts with everyone. Like, literally every girl in the universe. Except me." At those last couple words, she trailed off, eyes wide as she stared at the ground. From the tortured look on Pidge's face, Allura would've guessed that she was trying to count all the times Lance had flirted with someone else.

Lest they stay there all night (because Pidge was right, Lance did flirt a lot), Allura spoke up, calmer this time. "Pidge, why would Lance keep flirting with all these people if he were involved with someone?"

Pidge shook her head. "I dunno, it's Lance! Okay, okay, what about Plaxum?"

"That mermaid girl from the aquatic planet?" Allura asked. "They only met once."

"Yeah, and Lance has talked about going back ever since," Pidge countered, unimpressed. "Remember when we were trying to find a new pilot for the black lion? Lance wouldn't stop suggesting going back to that place."

Allura did remember that, and she didn't have any good excuses. Lance really had seemed to like this girl, and Allura couldn't just logic Pidge into thinking otherwise. It was difficult enough to convince Pidge of the truth; it would be nearly impossible to convince Pidge of something that was likely a lie. "I'm sure it's not like that," Allura said, but it didn't even sound convincing to her own ears.

"Hunk literally called him out on just wanting to see the mermaids, and Lance admitted to it."

"That doesn't prove anything," Allura insisted, though she knew she had lost. She settled on the one part of this situation she knew was true: "Lance and Plaxum are not together."

Then Pidge gasped, staring at Allura in slack-jawed realization. "Wow, I can't believe Lance and Plaxum are together."

Allura deadpanned. "I just said exactly the opposite of- oh, never mind. It's hopeless," she relented as she turned back to the spill, wiping halfheartedly at some hardened bread that had been fused to the oven.

This, Allura decided, had to be the worst day she'd had since she'd met the paladins. And they'd had some pretty awful days. Allura was prepared to fight wars, but she had never wanted to be reduced to a babysitter. She was terrible with children! Not that Pidge was a child, but she was definitely acting like one right now.

"God, this is crazy! Allura, how long would it take to fly back to that planet so I could give Plaxum a piece of my mind?"

Allura just sighed and kept scrubbing, hoping to the ends of the universe that Coran would come back before Pidge figured out how to fly the ship herself.

* * *

 

Keith had thought he would feel better once he got some alone time, but—not for the first time today—Keith had thought wrong. Sure, conversation with Allura could be a bit stiff, Lance was pretty annoying, and Keith couldn't even imagine talking to Shiro right now. Talking to anyone would be better than sitting on his bed and stewing in his own thoughts, though. What would happen when Shiro was cured? What would he say? What was Keith supposed to do? Maybe, he'd get lucky, and Shiro would forget all of this. Maybe, Keith could get everyone to pretend the whole 'Keith likes Shiro' thing was part of a drug-induced fever dream Shiro's subconscious had made up…. Or, more likely, Shiro would see right through that story, and Keith would be both a freak  _and_  a liar.

The worst part was the sinking realization that, in order for Shiro to get better, Keith would have to kiss him. Keith had to kiss a guy who didn't even like him back, and all because of some stupid high-tech drug!

He was almost relieved to hear muffled footsteps and the sound of Hunk and Lance's voices coming near the door.

"Wait, you said you know who Pidge likes," Keith heard Lance say from through the wall. "Who is it?"

Ah, there he went snooping again like the- the- the  _snooper_  Lance was. Lance was gonna find out who Pidge liked, just so he could set them up. Never mind if that person didn't like Pidge back, or if Pidge didn't want them to know about her crush. Lance probably didn't even care what Pidge thought of this at all, because he clearly hadn't cared about Keith.

That wasn't really fair, and Keith knew it, but what else was he supposed to assume? Why would they talk about this now?

Hunk let out a patient sigh. "Lance-"

"Shoot, I bet it's Allura!" Lance cried out. "Everyone's in love with Allura. I mean, I would know, since I used to like Allura, too."

Keith shot to his feet.  _The princess?_  he thought viciously to himself, edging his way toward the door so he could listen more closely. Talking about Pidge's love interests was one thing, but he didn't want to hear the words "in love" and "Allura" in the same sentence again for the next… honestly, forever would have been nice.

He had to admit it was ironic, though; Lance had spent years pursuing Allura, and now  _Keith_  was engaged to her. It was disgusting, but almost poetic, in a way.

"It's not Allura," Hunk stated, voice flat and deadpan. He was probably giving Lance a judgemental glare, and it was a shame Keith couldn't see it through the door.

"Noooo, it's Keith, isn't it?" Lance moaned in agony, as if Keith wasn't  _right there_  and  _still in love with Shiro._  What was Lance even thinking? Was he trying to play some sort of trick on Keith?

"Oh, come on, man!" Lance continued, growing more and more frustrated as he kept talking. "Please tell me she doesn't like Keith! That would suck, dude! He's already one-upped me on, like, everything else!"

Before Hunk could get another word in edgewise, Lance kept prattling on like some sort of idiot. "Of course she is! I mean, who else would she be interested in? Allura? I don't think so. Why would she like Allura? It has to be Keith. It's only option. I mean, other than me, and we all know Pidge isn't into me. And, of course, I'm not interested either, I mean, obviously, right? Man, I can't believe Keith and Pidge are in love. I need- I need to fight Keith."

It was a ridiculous statement. Hell, it was a ridiculous fucking  _paragraph._  Lance was being completely ridiculous. Keith didn't even know how to react. He kind of wanted to scream. Did this moron honestly think that he and Pidge were together? Had Lance completely forgotten everything that had gone down earlier? What the-

The drug. This was the drug. Lance was drugged, and now he was going crazy over Pidge!

Well, actually, that was sort of funny. Imagine what Lance would think when he finally snapped out of it! Keith had to feel bad for Pidge, though—she needed to kiss Lance, of all people. Yikes.

Keith stepped right up to the door. Just a few minutes ago, he'd never wanted to leave his room again. Now, though, his brain must have decided,  _screw it, nothing matters anymore,_  because suddenly, he felt great. Apparently, all he'd had to do was laugh at Lance's pain.

Hunk spoke up after a short pause (probably to collect himself; it sounded like his patience was running thin). "Lance, you don't need to fight Keith. He'd probably kick your-"

"No, he wouldn't!" Lance interrupted before Hunk could explain to him that Keith could easily kick Lance's ass. "When Keith opens that door," he growled, "I'm gonna fight him."

And that was when Keith's brain decided that it had finally had enough. After everything that had happened today, Keith figured his subconscious had decided to press some 'meltdown' button, because that was it. Keith doubled over in bouts of laughter (because silently laughing at Lance's pain wasn't good enough, Keith supposed). His back hit the door, and his fists came down to knock on it as if that would ground him in reality. Lance seriously thought he could fight him! And he wanted to fight him over, what? Some made-up relationship with Keith and Pidge? And the way Lance had growled, like he was actually intimidating or something….

Lance let out a shriek. He must not have expected Keith to go berserk—which was a shame, because what else was Keith supposed to do? Was this day even real?

Keith kept laughing for a good fifteen or twenty seconds, then Lance pounded on the door in retaliation, yelling, "oh, so you wanna go, Keith?! Because I'll go! Meet me in the pit!"

"Lance, we don't have a pit," Hunk reminded Lance gently, but it was no use. Keith might've been on cloud nine, but Lance was in his own special universe—one where Pidge had a crush on Keith, and Keith couldn't take Lance in a fight. Sounded like hell to Keith, who still hadn't stopped laughing.

"I'll make a pit, then," Lance declared, "so Keith can meet me in it and I can kick his butt!"

Keith, finally too overwhelmed to snigger behind a closed door, opened the door so he could laugh in Lance's face. "Me, and Pidge?" he cackled, getting a good look at Lance's angry face before he lost it again.

"What, so you're just gonna make fun of me?" Lance shot back, offended. "I know what you're up to, Keith! I see the way you two look at each other!"

 _The way we look at each other? Did you mean: completely platonically?_ Keith wheezed. He hadn't laughed this hard in a long time; he wasn't even sure if he could talk right now. "Me and-" he started before he cracked up again. "Who do you- pfft, who do you think I've been moping over for the last two hours?"

"Well, clearly Pidge!" Lance retorted, because  _clearly_. "I can't believe I didn't see it before!" Keith couldn't believe he saw it now. "You made up your crush on Shiro just so I wouldn't discover your secret relationship with Pidge!"

"Why would I even do that?" Keith snickered, collapsing—actually collapsing—to the ground with laughter. Yeah, totally Pidge. He was absolutely, irrevocably in love with Pidge. What the hell?

"Stop laughing at me!" Lance all but screeched, leaning over to glower at Keith. "I know you're lying!"

"Fine, fine," Keith said when he finally caught his breath, wiping tears from his eyes as he stood up again. "Still, though-"

Keith was interrupted by a vague stinging sensation in his left cheek, head thrust to the side. Lance, Keith realized, had punched him (more like pushed, if Keith was being honest) in the face.

He couldn't say he was surprised, but Keith still had to run his mouth. "Wow, you don't know to throw a punch. I don't even think that left a mark-"

But before he could finish, Lance managed to level a kick  _right_  on Keith's kneecap, and damn, that one really  _did_  hurt.

"Ow, what the fuck? Why-"

"Stay right there!" Lance cried, pushing Keith down with both arms (which only worked because one of his legs was already injured). Keith was about to fight back, when something flashed in front of him.

Suddenly, Keith was staring down the barrel of Lance's bayard, which was only inches from his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i finally watched friends... y'know, instead of writing. idk if the chapter itself really draws from it, but, well, i couldn't resist that chapter title orz
> 
> thanks for waiting, guys! [find me on tumblr right here!](http://punk-rock-fairy-princess.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chekhov's Bayard

The funny thing was, Keith had joked to himself about wanting to die just a few minutes earlier. Actually, no, this wasn't really funny at all—terrifying was a better word for it.

Lance's grip was shaky around his bayard, and the whole weapon trembled in front of Keith's face. It wasn't nerves, Keith figured, making Lance shake; rather it was likely a metric ton of adrenaline and that stupid love drug doing it. It was terrible to watch. The gun was close enough that it was difficult to see anything else, but Keith could barely make out Lance's hazy face in his peripheral, eyes wide and crazy.

"Lance, you don't want to do this," Hunk called out, standing a few yards back, out of Lance's line of fire.

"Why wouldn't I?" Lance barked. He let out a growl and thrust the gun even further forward until it hit Keith's nose. "You stole Pidge from me!"

Keith didn't even know what to say. He clearly hadn't stolen Pidge from Lance, but it wasn't like Lance would have believed that. Anything that came out of Keith's mouth would've made Lance want to shoot him even more- unless….

"Alright, go ahead," Keith replied with a small shrug (though it was tough to move, with Lance pinning him to the ground). "I'm ready."

Lance recoiled, lowering the gun just a hair as he drew back. "What?"

"I said to, uh, go ahead and shoot me," Keith said, grabbing Lance's clammy, shaky hands and lifting the gun back up. "It's what you wanted, right?"

"Wait, you  _want_ to die?!" Lance cried, and just when Keith had thought Lance couldn't get any crazier, the boy managed to work himself up even more. "But- but that doesn't make any sense!"

Keith shrugged again, suppressing a smirk. "No, it totally makes sense. I already humiliated myself, y'know, because of Shiro… so I'm kind of ready to… you know, die and stuff."

 _Nailed it_ , Keith thought to himself.

Lance withdrew the gun again, and now his whole body was quavering with frustration and stress. "You are? All because of Shiro? I- I guess you were right, then. I-"

And Keith chose that moment to strike, reaching out to snatch Lance's gun. Unfortunately, Lance caught on pretty quickly, latching onto the weapon even harder so Keith couldn't make him let go. They were at an impasse, neither one strong enough to overpower the other.

Then, suddenly, Lance's sweaty palms started to slip across the surface of the bayard. Keith, who hadn't been expecting Lance to lose his grip so rapidly, grunted as the gun flew forward and smacked him in the jaw. But, as quickly as Lance had let go, the boy swooped in to retrieve it. Before Keith could collect himself, Lance took back the weapon, and Keith struggled to grab for it as Lance dangled it just out of his reach.

"Ha!" Lance interjected. "Can't get it now, can you?" But his hands were still shaking, and the gun looked about one stupid move away from falling to the ground.

Keith raised his hands above his head—no point in trying to trick him now. "Okay, Lance, you got me. Now, maybe just… calmly set the gun down? You're freaking out too much to aim it right, anyway. You probably can't even hit me."

Of course, Lance took that as a challenge, because Lance took everything as a challenge. "Sure I can!" he retorted as he tried to aim the gun, still high enough that Keith couldn't reach it. With a shudder, Keith realized that Lance actually looked like he was gonna shoot. For real. No joke. There was murder in his eyes, pure rage etched into the scowl lines on his face.

Keith was out of moves. He'd've risked shoving Lance away, but now his finger was on the trigger and the gun was pointed right between Keith's eyes.

Out of nowhere, though, Hunk wrapped his arms around Lance and shoved him backward, off of Keith and onto the ground. As they fell back, the gun fired, ricocheting off the ceiling and coming back down, right toward Keith.

Time slowed down. Suddenly, Keith was hyper-aware of everything around him. Almost in slow motion, the laser plummeted to the ground. Keith couldn't even shut his eyes (probably didn't have time to shut them). All he could do was watch in terror as the shot landed just inches to the left of his face.

As Keith recovered from the shock, Hunk snatched Lance's bayard away, pocketing it as it retracted. Lance, realizing pretty quickly that he couldn't out-muscle Hunk, stormed back to Keith and pounced on him again.

When Keith's head smacked the ground under Lance's hold, he snapped back into focus. Since Lance was off his guard (and only pinning him with one arm), Keith easily subdued him, snarling as he rolled them both over. Now,  _Keith_  was the one pinning  _Lance_  to the ground, and everything was right in the world.

Well, everything except Lance himself.

"You alright?" Keith asked him, catching his breath.

"No!" Lance yelled back, struggling in vain against Keith's grip. "You tricked me!"

"I had to!"

"You tricked me," Lance repeated, "and  _you and Pidge are making out behind my back!"_

Keith didn't know how many times he'd have to say it before Lance finally got the idea: "no, we're not."

"Oh, stuff it, Mullet-head," Lance derided, rolling his eyes and turning away from Keith—or trying to, at least. It was kind of impossible to turn away completely, when Keith still had him pinned.

"No, seriously, we aren't," Keith repeated. It still seemed ridiculous that Lance would suspect  _Keith_ was in love with Pidge. Why not Shiro, or Allura, or literally anyone who didn't already have a crush on someone else? This was so stupid. "Why would she be into me, anyway?"

"I dunno!" he shouted frantically. "Maybe she likes emo kids!"

"I'm not-" Keith shook his head. "Whatever. Okay, look. I've got plenty of relationship issues, but this is  _not_ one of them. Pidge and I aren't dating. That should be obvious, but I guess if you're still hopped up on those drugs-"

"No, it's not obvious, and I'm immune to the drugs, anyway!" Again, Lance tried to fight against Keith's hold, not even realizing how stupid he sounded. "Now, let me go and give me my bayard back!"

"Lance, you almost shot me in the face because you thought I  _might've_ been in a relationship with Pidge. Pidge and I both talked about my, ah, thing for Shiro right in front of you less than three hours ago. Face it, you're not immune."

"I wasn't gonna shoot you in the face!"

Still standing beside them, Hunk raised an eyebrow. "That's- that's really the explanation you're going with, dude? That one? Because I'm pretty sure almost anything else would've been more convincing."

Lance's eyes widened, affronted, as he turned to look at Hunk. "What do you mean? I wasn't!"

"Oh, really?" Keith countered skeptically. "What were you trying to do, then?"

"I was- I was gonna make a pit?" Lance stated, though it sounded more like a question. "Y'know, so you could meet me in it."

What was it with Lance and his stupid pits? "Yeah, and to do that, you had to put a gun in my face?!"

"Hey, you started it!" Lance remarked, floundering for words.

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah," Lance continued, gaining traction as he met Keith's eyes with an accusatory glare, "you started it when you started going out with  _Pidge!"_

"I'm not going out with Pidge!" Keith said for probably the twentieth time that day. "And why would you care, if you're not even interested in her?"

"Because- because it's Pidge, okay?"

Okay, so Lance still wouldn't admit that he liked Pidge, but he didn't want anyone else with her because… it was Pidge? Awesome. Solid argument. Keith raised an eyebrow at Hunk.

Hunk just shrugged. "What, you think  _logic_ will stop him? It's Lance!"

"So, what do we do?" Keith asked, tightening his hold on Lance as the boy tried to escape again.

"Clearly, he needs to kiss Pidge," Hunk replied, rubbing his chin in thought.

Keith thought that was kind of the obvious solution, but Lance had a different take. "I'm  _not_ kissing Pidge, because I'm  _not_  in love with her, and the drug is  _not_ affecting me!"

And— _not_  that Keith didn't respect Lance's opinion or anything, but—if Keith hadn't almost gotten killed ten minutes ago, he might've laughed at that. He turned back to Hunk. "Okay, and how do we get them to kiss?"

"Well, it looks like he's pretty deep in denial, so he's probably feeling insecure. Maybe we could try to validate his feelings?" It looked like Lance was going to contend his words, but then Hunk's eyes lit up in inspiration. "Wait, I've got an idea! Keith, bring Lance into your room. We're just gonna have a chat real quick, alright?"

Lance looked like he was simmering under Keith, who spared him a glance before turning to face Hunk again. "Are you sure? Lance doesn't really look like he wants to talk, right now."

"Just trust me!" said Hunk, and that's all Keith could really do, at this point.

* * *

Okay, Lance had to admit that in retrospect,  _killing_  Keith might've been a bit extreme. That didn't mean he had to be tied up, though! It wasn't like he was Shiro or something! He could totally control himself.

Keith tightened the belt around Lance's body, checking the slack with two fingers to make sure he was bound securely to the back of the chair. Satisfied, he walked back over to his bed and slumped down. "Alright, he's not going anywhere," he said to Hunk. "What now?"

"Hey, I know!" Lance suggested. "How 'bout you let me go?"

"Hey, how 'bout I don't?" Keith shot back without missing a beat. "Come on, Lance. It's for your own good."

 _For my own good?_  thought Lance to himself.  _More like Keith's own good._

Before Lance could say that aloud, though, Hunk spoke up, leaning against the wall between Lance and the bed. "Now, we give Lance some dating advice."

"What?" Lance yelped.

Keith shot Hunk a dark glare. "Um, what?" he echoed, eyes narrowed.

Hunk winked at Keith, then turned back to Lance. "Look, dude, you've totally got a shot with Pidge. Right, Keith?"

Keith gave Hunk a deer-in-the-headlights look of confusion, then reluctantly added, "uh, yeah, of course you do."

Which sounded like a load of rotten cheese to Lance, but whatever. Even if Keith  _wasn't_  going out with Pidge (which, fine, seemed more and more likely as Lance continued to think about it), that didn't mean that Pidge would want to go out with  _him_.

"Look, guys," Lance said, staring at the floor, "that's nice of you to say, but I don't think Pidge is into me. Not that- uh, not that I'd go out with her in the first place!"

"Cut the crap, Lance," Keith scathed with a frown.

Hunk nodded. "Yeah, seriously. You're more see-through than, uh-"

"The unforgiving vacuum of space?" supplied Keith.

"Yeah, exactly. I guess."

Okay, look. Lance wasn't in denial anymore. He knew he liked Pidge, it was just- well, he wasn't quite ready to tell anyone about it, yet. Lance himself hadn't even known he'd liked her until earlier today, back in the med wing **.**  He was pretty dense (super dense, in retrospect, of  _course_ he liked Pidge), but even he couldn't deny it after he'd gotten so jealous of Hunk.

Pidge, though? Pidge would never be into a guy like him! Pidge would want someone smarter and cooler than Lance was, someone who could keep up with her. That was why Lance had been so sure about Hunk and Pidge—Hunk was super smart and totally cool! Lance was just that idiot who'd flunked chemistry.

But, Lance figured, if he really was as transparent as space itself, he probably didn't have much left to lose. "Okay, fine, so I like Pidge. I want to go out with her. So what? I still don't have a shot with her!"

Keith turned to Hunk and shrugged, which Lance interpreted as  _yeah, I dunno, maybe he_ doesn't  _have a shot with her_.

Hunk rolled his eyes. "Lance, Keith already said to cut the crap. You've totally got a chance Didn't you always say that you were great with the ladies?"

Lance cringed inwardly. 'The ladies' and 'Pidge' were two completely different concepts in his head… probably because he was more serious about one than the other. Though, he was pretty good at flirting. It might be nice to try it on someone he really wanted to go out with, for once. "I guess," he conceded.

"See, that's the spirit!" Hunk replied, walking over to Lance and setting an encouraging hand on his shoulder. "You just need to let her know you're interested, and I'm sure she'll be all over you. Now, give Keith your best pickup line!"

Lance almost choked. "Keith? Why him?"

"That's a good question," Keith added, shooting Hunk a pointed glare.

Hunk grinned at Keith, before turning back to Lance, eyes flashing deviously. "Keith hates pickup lines," he explained, "so if you can impress him, it'll have to impress Pidge!"

Lance cocked his head in thought. He might've rubbed his chin, but his hands were still bound. "I guess that makes sense."

Now, to find a good pickup line….

 _Do you like raisins? How 'bout a date?_  No, that was stupid. He already knew that Pidge didn't like raisins.  _Hey Pidge, are you feeling alright? Because it looks like you're suffering from a lack of_ vitamin me _._ Ugh, that already sounded too cocky-douchebag-jerkface in Lance's head.  _Hey, you must be a parking ticket, 'cos you've got_ fine  _written all over you!_  Closer, but still no.

What about…. "Hey, Keith?" he finally said.

"Uh, yeah?" Keith crossed his arms over his chest, slouching to make himself look smaller. Clearly, he was just as uncomfortable with this as Lance was.

"Are you a broom?" Lance asked him, turning up the charm as much as he could given that it was  _Keith_  in front of him.

"No," Keith replied, "um, why would I be a broom?"

"Because," Lance said, shooting Keith some imaginary finger guns (since he still couldn't use his hands), "you just swept me off my feet."

Keith uncrossed his arms, but only because he needed to put his head in his hands. "Oh god."

Lance looked at Hunk. "Hey look, he hates it! Can we quit now?"

"No," Keith interjected, peering back up at Lance through his fingers. "It was, uh, good?"

"Sure it was," Lance scoffed. Now that he'd come down from the adrenaline rush he'd gotten fighting Keith, he'd realized the truth: Keith was a terrible actor. "Quit patronizing me!"

"I'm not patronizing you!" Keith insisted, jumping up from his bed, fists clenched in frustration. "I just want you to calm the fuck down!"

Lance deadpanned. "Yeah, so you're patronizing me."

Keith wavered at that, glancing over to Hunk, who gestured for him to keep going. "Well, maybe you should quit feeling sorry for yourself and take some initiative!" He looked back at Hunk for approval, but Hunk just face-palmed and shook his head.

"Take initiative? Please!" Lance retorted. "Like you've ever taken initiative with Shiro!"

When Hunk just kept shaking his head, Keith put his hands on his hips and said, "well, at least he doesn't think I'm going out with Pidge anymore."

Hunk let out a patient sigh, then butt in before Keith could screw up more than he already had. "Look, Lance, why don't you just give it a shot? You might be surprised, you know. And I mean, it's not like Pidge likes anyone else on the ship, right?"

"Hold it," Lance remarked before Hunk could go on. "You said you know who Pidge likes! Unless it's someone back at the Garrison, it has to be someone on the ship-" Lance cut off with a gasp. "Unless you're lying! You're lying just to make me feel better!"

"But Lance-"

He didn't want to hear it. "I can't believe you'd do that! Am I really that hopeless? I guess- I guess I really am, aren't I? Pidge already thinks I'm an idiot, so why should I even bother with her?"

Hunk gazed at him, pity in his eyes. "Lance, that's not tru-"

"Of course it's true!" Lance shot back, hackles raised in annoyance. He didn't want Hunk's pity—he wanted to do something right for once. "Pidge doesn't wanna go out with some pathetic loser who can't take anything seriously! I'm useless! I mean, I can't even help her when everyone else is out of commission! I probably just annoy her." To his surprise, Lance's voice cracked at the end of that sentence, and he realized with a start that he was holding back tears.

"What are you talking about?" Keith snapped. "You're never  _this_ down on yourself."

Hunk furrowed his brow. "You're right, he isn't," he mused, looking into Lance's eyes and frowning. "I think it might be the drug. He doesn't think he has a chance with Pidge, so he's experiencing some extreme form of dejection."

"Look, I've told you guys a thousand times, the drugs aren't affecting me!" Lance snarled. How many times would he have to say that, before they believed him? "I just don't get what Pidge could possibly see in me, when I'm the exact opposite of what she wants! I'm a goofball, and she's a genius! It just doesn't work. I guess I should just-" He stifled a sob. "I should just move on. Pidge hates me, anyway."

"Pidge does  _not_ hate you," Hunk stated, blunt and to-the-point. It was a shame that he was lying.

Suddenly, Lance felt like his own skin was crawling with self-hatred. He was full-on crying now, which was weird and embarrassing and- okay, maybe drug-induced. "No, you don't get it!" he sobbed, body tugging at his restraints as his shoulders shook and his hands quivered. "She could do so much better than me! I mean, not only am I too stupid for her, I'm not even that hot!"

Hunk raised a confused eyebrow. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lance?"

"I'm not joking!" Lance howled. "For once in my life, I'm being completely serious! Look at my hair, Hunk! I don't have good hair! I mean, it's a lot better than Keith's, and Shiro's new haircut kinda sucks, but my hair isn't nearly good enough for Pidge! Especially with Allura walking around, like, really? Whose hair would you rather look at, mine or Allura's?"

"Excuse me?" Keith interrupted. "There is  _nothing_  wrong with Shiro's hair. And there isn't anything wrong with yours either! And Pidge probably doesn't even notice Allura's hair!"

Hunk nodded. "Yeah, Allura's hair isn't as cool as you think it is! It's, uh, white, that's an old people thing. Who wants old people hair?"

"Oh, shut up!" Lance bawled, tears streaming down his face and over his neck, making him shiver. "That's not the only thing, either! A few weeks back, I got this zit on my forehead! I thought my skincare routine was perfect… but I guess it wasn't perfect enough for Pidge."

"Okay, he's hopeless," Keith groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What do we do now?"

Hunk let out a sigh, then replied, "well, if we can't convince Lance that Pidge likes him, then I guess we'll just have to get Pidge to do it."

Keith glanced at Hunk, dubious. "What? But-"

Hunk cut him off, whispering something into his ear. Keith listened for a moment, eyes wide, then nodded, the corners of his lips turning up just a bit. "Sounds good," he said.

"You get her," Hunk told him, "and I'll wait here with Lance. Uhh…." He looked over at Lance, bit his lip, then turned back to Keith. "Maybe hurry back?"

"You got it!" Keith called out as he ran out the door, leaving Lance confused and still crying.

Whatever they were up to, Lance was sure he would hate it. Lance hated everything—especially himself.

* * *

Pidge had just finished scrubbing the last dirty plate in a large pile of Hunk's dishes when the door to the kitchen opened. Keith came barging in, breath ragged and eyes wide with panic. "Pidge, we need you! Now!"

Pidge raised an eyebrow. "Why? What is it?"

"It's Lance!" Keith told her, resting his hands on the counter so he could catch his breath. "He's going crazy! I think the drug is getting to him."

"The drug? I thought he was immune!" If he wasn't, then that was seriously bad news. She still hadn't figured out a cure yet, and now  _Lance_  was crazy as well!

Keith rolled his eyes. "Are you the one who told him that? Because it's bullshit. He just tried to kill me!"

Allura stood (she'd been scrubbing the floor) and put her hands on her hips. "Don't be so dramatic. I doubt Lance was trying to kill you."

"He aimed his bayard at my head!" Keith cried, still leaning on the counter as he lifted a half-hearted finger-gun to his head. "Hunk and I had to tie him up!"

"Hunk?" Pidge asked. "Isn't he still drugged?"

Keith finally rose from the counter, stretching as he replied, "no, he snapped out of it. Also, we found a cure."

When he didn't go on, Pidge started to ask for clarification, but he shook his head and said, "Don't ask, I can tell you on the way, just come help! Lance is having a breakdown, and I know you like him, so-"

"Where did you hear that?" Pidge knew for a fact that she'd never told  _Keith_  that… though Lance had said that he'd known about her crush earlier. "Did Lance tell you?"

Keith looked at her like she was crazy. "Why would Lance tell me that? I'm pretty sure he still thinks we're in some kind of secret relationship or something."

How was that even possible, though, if Lance already knew Pidge liked him? There had to be some sort of misunderstanding here, but she'd have to figure out what was going on with that later. She still wanted to know how Keith knew about her crush. "Where did you find out, then?"

"Hunk still reads your diary, and it was an emergency," Keith explained hurriedly, walking up to Pidge and grabbing her arm. "Now  _come on!_  Hunk told me to hurry up, and it took me long enough to find you guys!"

Pidge wanted to say that she couldn't believe Hunk would do that, but… honestly? Hunk would totally do that. She'd have to change the password on her diary again.

She had more pressing matters to attend to, though. "Lance really wants me?"

"Yes!" Keith exclaimed impatiently, glancing at the door.

"Really?" Pidge pressed, because she wanted to be sure. It was difficult to believe that Lance needed  _her_. This whole time, she'd thought he was immune, and now she felt so stupid. Had she been so blinded by her own affections that she hadn't seen the symptoms? Or had it just been less obvious until now?

"I mean, maybe!" Keith corrected, backtracking about as quickly as he could. "I don't know, it might just be the drug, but he definitely wants you now, at least, so-"

Pidge cut him off. "Alright, I get it. Let's go." And, though Keith was still grabbing on to  _her_  arm, Pidge was the one who ended up leading them both toward the door. As an afterthought, she turned back and added, "Allura, you check up on Shiro in the meantime!"

Keith stopped in his tracks, both of them still in the doorway. "Wait, where  _is_ Shiro, anyway?"

"Long story," Pidge grumbled, dragging him out the door. Somehow, she'd managed to find the one thing that would distract Keith from the task at hand. "I thought you wanted to hurry."

"I do," Keith insisted, though now he looked lost in thought. Probably thinking about Shiro, Pidge figured.

Well, she would just need to get his attention, then. "Great, so let's hurry!" she yelled back, pulling away from him and sprinting down the hallway.

That brought Keith back to reality. "Dammit, Pidge!" he shouted as he chased her down the hall.

Pidge just laughed at him as she sped up, Keith lagging behind her. It was probably a bad idea to run so fast in the complex labyrinth that was the castle-ship, but Pidge couldn't bring herself to care. She'd already been going crazy, and she hadn't gotten any sleep last night, so the running helped her feel a bit more energized.

"Pidge!" Keith cried. "Look out!"

But, instead of  _looking out_  like Keith had said, Pidge turned to face the boy, jogging backward as she asked, "look out for what?"

In her defense, she really hadn't gotten any sleep last night.

Before Keith could reply, the ground seemed to disappear behind her. She dropped back, stomach churning as she plummeted downward. Her hands flailed, trying in vain to find something to grab onto, but to no avail.

Stairs, she realized. Keith had wanted her to look out for the stairs. Well, it was probably too late for that now. Now, she was free-falling down a huge Altean staircase, and apparently, Alteans were too hardcore for railings.

Suddenly, Pidge's back hit the stairs, knocking the wind out of her as she fell from step to step, as her body got covered in bruises. Distantly, she heard Keith call her name again, running after her, but it was all just background noise to her. As she continued down, she gained speed, tumbling faster and faster until she hit the ground.

Then, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noticed that I brought up Lance's gun earlier in the fic, so [Chekhov's gun](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChekhovsGun) dictated that I had to make it go off. Also, I upped the chapter count again because I have no self-control. Expect three more chapters. This time, I'm at least 80% sure that I'm not gonna change it again.


	11. The Medical Wing

Allura was still cleaning the counters when a loud crash came from down the hallway. In the distance, Keith cried Pidge's name so loudly that Allura startled, dropping her washcloth as she turned to the door.

Honestly, she was sick of all this melodrama. Pidge had told her to tend to Shiro, but Allura had decided to keep cleaning instead, if only to avoid coming to blows with him again. Speaking to Keith and Pidge wouldn't be much better; Keith was still depressed over Shiro, and Pidge was going insane over Lance. What she really needed right now was some peace and quiet.

Well, Allura figured, Keith probably had it under control. He was supposed to be their leader, after all. Whatever had happened, it couldn't have been as bad as it had sounded from a distance. She had no need to interfere.

At least, that was what Allura assumed until Keith yelled, "Pidge! Come on, wake up!"

Fine, Pidge had fainted. So what? Keith knew basic first aid.

"Dammit!" he shouted. "Don't die now—what am I supposed to tell Lance?"

Okay, so perhaps Keith didn't quite have this under control after all. Sighing, Allura left the kitchen and ran toward the sounds of Keith fussing over Pidge.

As it turned out, both of them were at the foot of the stairway. Pidge was sprawled across the floor, unconscious, and Keith loomed over her, staring at her with wide, panicked eyes as he bit his lip.

"What is going on?" Allura asked lightly, kneeling beside him as she glanced Pidge over. "What happened to her?"

Keith took in a slow, measured breath, then said, "she fell backwards down the stairs."

"She what?" That couldn't be right. How could Pidge have possibly fallen  _backward_  down the stairs unless someone had pushed her, and Keith would never do that… right?

"She fell backwards down the stairs," Keith repeated, voice flat. He ran a quivering hand through his hair, then drew in another deep breath before he explained, "She was sprinting down the hall and I was trying to warn her about the huge staircase, but then she just ignored me and started  _sprinting backward instead._  And then she fell down the stairs. And now she's hurt. God, and I thought things couldn't get any worse! How the hell-"

"Keith!" Allura cut him off before he flipped his lid. "I understand that this makes things more difficult, but you need to keep calm. Now," she told him pointedly, "it looks like she'll need a cryopod. She may have a concussion, and her arm is badly injured right there, see?"

Allura gestured toward Pidge's arm, and Keith nodded grimly as he looked where she was pointing. "Yeah, I kinda figured," he said, voice a bit gruff. Though still shaking a bit from the shock, he rested a hand on Pidge's shoulder.

As if on queue, she inhaled sharply, eyes fluttering open as she gazed up at Keith.

"Pidge," he cried, "you're alive!"

_As if she was dead to begin with…._

"What happened?" Pidge mumbled, sitting up, wincing, then opting to lean on Allura's arm.

"You're badly injured," Allura told Pidge as she lifted her off the ground, careful to avoid touching the areas where Pidge had been hurt. "We'll need to take you to the medical wing."

"Okay," Pidge replied with a nod, seeming content until- "Wait, what about Lance? He needs me!"

In the chaos, Allura had almost forgotten that Pidge had originally been en route to go console Lance. "Pidge, you're injured. We'll need to make sure you're safe before you can see him," she admonished. Hopefully, the drug wouldn't cloud Pidge's judgement too badly, and Allura would be able to reason with her.

But Allura had hoped for too much. "Who cares if I'm injured?" Pidge shot back, catching Allura off guard as she twisted out of her grasp, tumbling onto the floor. "Lance needs to- owww, my arm!" She clutched her right arm, clearly in severe pain, but stood up nonetheless, turning away from Allura and Keith toward the path to Lance's room.

Allura rolled her eyes. Her patience was running thin, but she still tried to be practical with Pidge. "See? Your arm looks broken, so we'll need to set it properly and get you into a cryopod as soon as possible."

"Yeah, c'mon," Keith added helpfully, grabbing Pidge's (left) shoulder and pushing her back in the direction of the med wing. "The sooner you get treated, the sooner you'll get to see him again."

"But I need to see him now!" Pidge shouted, and in retrospect, they really should have expected this. Pidge was far more concerned with helping her close friends and family than with almost anything else, including her own well-being. Of  _course_  she would prioritize seeing Lance over properly treating her injuries, especially if it meant that Lance could be in danger.

"No, you don't!" Keith retorted, continuing to push Pidge down the hall with only minimal success. Pidge's squirming was simply too much, and Keith was careful enough not to injure her that it was difficult to move her very quickly.

Realizing that she would probably be more effective at this, Allura pushed Keith out of the way and held onto Pidge's left arm, guiding her swiftly down the hall with little noticeable resistance.

"Let go of me!" Pidge cried, trying in vain to pull her arm away. "I need to see Lance!"

But Allura paid her no heed as she led Pidge forcefully down the hall, moaning and sniveling as she went. Clearly, the blow to her head (and quite possibly the drug) had left Pidge a bit befuddled. She was speaking as though she were drunk, words slow and slurred, and she kept repeating the same couple sentences ad nauseam. Beyond that, Pidge would normally have realized that she couldn't break free from Allura's grasp and tried to trick her, but she still hadn't stopped thrashing around, relying on nothing but brute force to escape.

"Pidge, you must calm down," Allura muttered through gritted teeth, trying her best not to touch Pidge's broken right arm as she slowed down to get the girl under control.

"Not until I see Lance!" Pidge insisted for the umpteenth time, trying to break free from Allura's hold. Unfortunately, she moved her right arm as she did this, and she let out a hiss of pain so sudden that Allura flinched in sympathy.

As Pidge continued to pitch a fit, Keith tapped Allura on the shoulder. "Hey, Allura?"

"Yes?" Allura whispered in reply, stopping abruptly and tightening her grip as Pidge tried to pull away once more.

"Y'know," Keith replied, a conspiratorial hand raised to the side of his mouth so Pidge couldn't read his lips, "Lance got a bit easier to handle once he gave up on Pidge. I mean, he was still pretty dramatic, but he quit freaking out like this once he started thinking he was hopeless."

Allura raised an eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"

"It might be easier if we-"

"Why are you two whispering?" Pidge interjected, stomping her foot like a five-year-old. "Just take me to Lance! I don't care about my damn arm!"

Keith didn't even bother to continue whispering; rather, he just demonstrated. "Pidge, Lance didn't really wanna see you in the first place."

That managed to stop Pidge in her tracks for a few moments as she contemplated Keith's words. "Yeah, he did," she finally countered, words still slurred. "You said he did."

"Keith is right," Allura agreed, catching on quickly. If Pidge thought that Lance hadn't wanted to see her after all, perhaps she would stop kicking up such a fuss. "Don't you remember? Lance is clearly dating Plaxum."

"Oh, I guess I do remember that," Pidge said with a nod, eyes wide.

Unfortunately, Keith didn't catch on so fast (even though this whole plan had been his idea in the first place). "Wait, Lance is dating who?"

"Plaxum," Allura repeated. "Didn't you know that? It's pretty obvious." She punctuated it with a wink, just in case Keith hadn't known she was playing along.

"No, I had no idea!" Keith exclaimed, and- wow, was winking not an Earth custom after all? Or perhaps it was a Galra thing…. "That seems weird that he wouldn't tell me, though, I mean, you'd think he'd brag nonstop about something like-" and, finally, it came to him. "Oh wait. I mean, uh, yeah, of course he's dating Plaxum. I can't believe I forgot about that."

Allura put her face to her palm. She had to be working with the worst actor on Team Voltron.

Luckily, he'd managed to distract Pidge enough that Allura could keep walking without any further complaint.

"Are you sure, though?" Pidge queried, eyes narrowed, as Allura tugged her along. "You said Lance needed me."

"No, he doesn't really need you," Keith said again as he trailed behind them both. He still sounded awkward and stilted, but Pidge seemed dazed enough for him to fool. "What he needs is, uh…." He trailed off, turning to Allura.

Oh, that was just wonderful. "Some quality time with his best friend, Hunk?" she supplied, unsure of what exactly Keith had expected her to say—though perhaps that was only because Keith himself hadn't quite thought this through.

Pidge gawked at her. "Isn't Hunk, like, in love with Lance right now?"

Apparently, she didn't remember Keith telling her Hunk had been cured.

"No, I already told you he- never mind," Keith muttered, likely figuring it wasn't worth the effort of reminding her.

Pidge nodded slowly, then continued. "So, by 'quality time' you mean, like. Making out."

Keith deadpanned. "Yeah, that's exactly what I mean."

He obviously hadn't said that seriously, but Pidge was too far gone to discern his tone. "Aww, really?" she groaned. "I already knew I couldn't beat out Plaxum, but Hunk too? Lance is with both of them? Hunk is actually just sunshine. I can't do that."

"Exactly," Keith replied. "You can't, so just give up." It was as cheerful as he'd sounded since he'd been drugged, and Allura wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Yeah, you're right," Pidge conceded with a sigh. "I'm hopeless." After that, she fell silent for a while, seeming increasingly dejected as Allura continued to lead her down the hallway.

Finally, as they entered the medical wing, the silence grew too suffocating, and Allura spoke up. "Pidge, I think what Keith meant to say is that you shouldn't worry about this while you're injured."

Pidge shook her head, sitting down by an empty cryopod as Allura released her arm. "Nah, he's right. I mean, Plaxum and Hunk.  _Hunk_  and  _Plaxum._ I can't believe Lance is in love with a mermaid. I can't compete with that! I have legs!" She gestured to her legs, nose wrinkled in disgust, and Keith just nodded encouragingly.

Allura shot him a glare.

"Hey, it doesn't really matter, anyway," Keith replied with a shrug. "Once she's better, we should be able to cure her pretty quick and she'll remember that Lance isn't really in a polyamorous relationship with Hunk and Plaxum."

And honestly, Allura couldn't really argue with that. This was all drug-induced, after all, and Pidge  _had_ become more subdued after Keith's meddling. Allura turned to the girl, kneeling beside her and resting a hand on her shoulder. "Alright, Pidge. Let's take care of your arm."

* * *

Normally, Keith hated sitting around doing nothing, but after the last couple days, he was just glad to have a minute to breathe. After discouraging Pidge, she'd allowed herself to be treated without complaint, and now she was sleeping peacefully in the cryopod. Allura had gone to help Hunk with Lance (since they wouldn't be able to get Pidge to kiss him for a while), and all Keith had to do was sit and wait. Content—well, relatively speaking—, he leaned back in his seat behind the controls, feet propped up on the one patch of tabletop that wasn't covered in buttons and levers.

He stretched, stifling a yawn as he laid his arms back to support his head. But, just as he'd started to relax, the engagement bracelet around his wrist tightened as his arm flexed, and now he was back to worrying again.

He was engaged. To Allura. It still hadn't quite sunk in yet. Really, it shouldn't have been a big deal—they'd be able to annul it once this was all over. Still, though, their lapse in judgement had been appalling. And right in front of Shiro, too….

This whole situation was such a mess, and Keith couldn't do anything about it but worry. Worry, and angst in the corner as he waited for Pidge to heal.

Worrying and angsting quickly became boring, though. He'd been worrying since that conversation in the escape pod about… what, five hours ago? What time was it, anyway? It felt like he hadn't slept in days.

And, now that he was thinking about  _sleep_  and being  _tired_ , this chair actually seemed… pretty comfortable, especially when he was leaning back like this. Almost comfortable enough… that since he really had nothing better to do… he could just….

Just as he started to nod off, though, a loud crash sent tremors like earthquakes across the floor, powerful enough that it literally shook Keith awake.

"What the hell?" he groused, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. The monitor in front of him flashed red, and he didn't know much Altean, but he recognized the word for 'emergency' in bold white letters right away. As he stood, he noticed a matching red light blazing from the foot of a retracted cryopod just a few yards away.

Up until now, he hadn't even noticed that one of the cryopods had been retracted, and he couldn't imagine why it would have been. No one else was injured, right? The only person Keith hadn't seen in a while was Shiro, and he'd assumed they'd locked him in his room or something.

Maybe the cryopod was dysfunctional? He'd never seen anything like that before. Confused, he pressed the button to raise the pod.

Slowly, the cryopod rose from the floor. The glass was fogged over from the mist within, but Keith could still see a figure silhouetted inside. Keith didn't want to admit it, but the shadows from the pod were tall and brawny and could only have come from one person.

"Oh no," Keith muttered, voice catching. He wanted to take a step backward, but found that his legs were too wobbly and his head was too hazy to coordinate even a simple movement. To put one foot behind the other seemed far too difficult when his entire body was frozen.

It was too soon. He wasn't ready. Who had put  _him_ in cryopod? Was he hurt? Keith really hoped he wasn't.

Before Keith could formulate an adequate response to his own damn question, though, the glass door to the pod slid open, and cloudy white mist billowed out in its wake.

The man within staggered out, and Keith couldn't quite decide whether to run up and hug him or run away in fear.

Shiro coughed into his human hand, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. He'd been covered in blankets, but he let them fall to the ground without a second thought once his eyes met Keith's.

It was electric, like sending a million volts through his veins. Shiro was still a few feet away, but his gaze had Keith pinned.

There was a brief silence, a pause so tense that Keith worried he'd have a heart attack. Then:

"Keith?"

* * *

"Well, that was unsettling," Allura declared as the door to Lance's room closed, and Hunk couldn't agree more.

"Tell me about it," he replied, stretching his arms out above his head as he stifled a yawn—he might've slept for twelve hours last night, but trying to get Lance under control by himself had been exhausting. If Allura hadn't come to help, Hunk had no idea what he would've done. "I don't think I've seen him so sad in my life. He was giving me puppy-dog eyes. Puppy-dog eyes! I didn't even know Lance  _had_  puppy-dog eyes!"

Allura let out a confused laugh as they began to make their way to the med wing. "I don't know what that means, but I'll take your word for it. Thank you for looking after Lance, by the way. It couldn't have been easy; it seems like Lance is in utter agony over Pidge."

Lance had already been upset before, but he was absolutely devastated when he heard what had happened to Pidge. It hadn't been so hard to corral him into his room (he'd stopped being violent hours ago, at this point), but he kept moping and bemoaning that he hadn't been there for Pidge. He hadn't even gotten angry at Keith like Hunk had expected—just shrugged his shoulders and assumed that there was nothing Keith could have done. Obviously, this was  _Lance's_ fault, not Keith's or Pidge's or anyone else's. Somehow.

"Yeah, that's one way to describe it," Hunk figured. "You should've seen him earlier. He was convinced that Keith was in a secret relationship with Pidge. He even challenged him to a fight. Keith thought it was hilarious until he realized Lance was serious."

Allura quirked an eyebrow. "Is that when Lance tried to shoot him in the face?"

He snorted. "Yup."

"That's… rather extreme."

Heh, said that pot to the kettle. "Didn't you elope?" Hunk countered. "With Keith? Because of the drug?"

"Well, I never tried to kill anyone," Allura scoffed, but Hunk wasn't fooled. No one that innocent would blush like that.

"Yeah, no one except Shiro," Hunk shot back with a smirk.

"I wasn't trying to kill him!" Allura retorted, but at Hunk's judgemental glare, she tacked on a quiet, "per se…."

She shook her head. "That's beside the point, though. Hunk, do you think it's possible that Lance is actually in love with Pidge?"

"Like, even without the drug?"

Allura nodded. "Exactly."

Oh, well there was a loaded question. "I dunno," he replied, "he doesn't keep a diary."

"Hunk, seriously?"

What, was he above snooping? No. He was nosy; reading diaries was a quick and easy way to find out people's secrets. What else could she expect? If they didn't want anyone to find out, they shouldn't have written it down in the first place. Lance had learned that lesson long ago, when Hunk first became his roommate in the Galaxy Garrison.

But Allura was still looking at him with her arms crossed, like she was expecting something. She'd even slowed down her pace walking down the hall, forcing Hunk to turn back and look at her. There was no way around it. He'd have to give her an honest answer. "Look, Allura, I have no idea whether or not he likes Pidge. I kinda hope he really is in love with her, though, for Pidge's sake. She's liked Lance for months now, and this has to be the worst way to confess to your crush ever."

"Well, I'm not so sure about that," Allura murmured. "What about Keith and Shiro?"

"Yikes, I almost forgot about them." They turned a corner and finally, the door to the medical wing came into view.

"It's positively insane. Can you imagine how Keith must be feeling right now?" Allura asked, pressing a button to open the door.

Hunk knew Keith was still inside, so he lowered his voice before he replied, "yeah, poor guy. I mean, he  _knows_  Shiro doesn't really like him, and now he has to deal with-  _holy crow!_ "

And Hunk really didn't have any better way to describe the scene in front of him than  _holy crow_. Keith and Shiro were standing a few yards back from the doorway. Behind them stood an open cryopod, spewing out fog for dramatic effect as they kissed with such eagerness that Hunk was embarrassed just  _watching_ it.

"What? What is it?" Allura interjected, peering over Hunk's shoulder to look at- well,  _that_. "Oh," she said when she realized what was happening. "That- oh no."

 _God,_  Hunk mused,  _and Lance thought Keith was in love with_  Pidge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! My coursework is killing me, but I should be able to update a bit sooner next time. And,, guys,, season 4 might've killed my fic, but season 5 fricking obliterated it. I'm not bitter though, because it was *just so good*. Keith is so good. I love my son.
> 
> Also, I wanted to have the same username on all my social media, so I'm "krolium" now, both here and [on tumblr](http://www.krolium.tumblr.com). If you've seen season 5, you can probably guess where I got that name from ;)


	12. Laser-Blazer

After two days of intoxication, Shiro's first clear thought was, ' _wow, Keith is a pretty good kisser.'_ His second thought, perhaps a bit belated, was, ' _holy crap, I'm kissing Keith?'_

Shocked, he jerked back to face the other man. Keith didn't pull back (probably because Shiro had grabbed onto his hair), but he drew in a stuttered breath as his eyes shot open.

"Shiro," he blurted, face flushed deep enough that it was still visible in the dimly-lit medical wing. His eyes were trained on the pristine white floor, fingers fidgeting at his sides. "I'm- I'm sorry."

Shiro raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what?" Why exactly was Keith apologizing? If anyone should've been apologizing, it was  _Shiro,_  not Keith!

After all, it was Shiro who'd used his Galra arm to break his own cryopod, setting off the alarms. It was Shiro who'd, upon recognizing Keith, grabbed and kissed him without permission or warning. It was, again, Shiro who'd-even after the drug had worn off-decided to keep kissing him for a good thirty seconds or so.

He would've said all this aloud, had Hunk not conspicuously cleared his throat. "So, Shiro! You cured now, or…?"

"Um," Keith stammered, which pretty much summed it up.

But Hunk just had to twist the knife. "Because, y'know, if you're not, you could try kissing him again."

"I need to go," Keith interjected. He looked physically ill, hunched over, eyes glazed and face pale. Every so often his eyes would dart up, almost meeting Shiro's gaze, only to turn back down toward the ground.

He made to leave, but Shiro grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Don't go," he replied, perhaps more sternly than he'd intended. He let out a sigh, then added, voice low, "we need to talk."

"Not now," was all Keith said before he shook off Shiro's hand, pushing past him to make his way to the door.

Allura and Hunk, who were both standing in the doorway, moved to block him, but one glare from Shiro was enough to make them stand down.

After he was gone, Allura cleared her throat. "Sorry if our barging in made things awkward.  _Or,_ " she added, shooting Hunk a pointed look, "if our words made you and Keith uncomfortable."

Shiro didn't reply for a moment, expecting Hunk to apologize, but all he did was shrug and say, "hey, they had it coming. It looked like they were trying to swallow each other whole."

Shiro cringed. "Gross."

"I know, right?!" Hunk exclaimed, eyes wide. "I need eye bleach. I feel like I just witnessed something I should never have seen. I didn't even know you liked Keith like that."

"You didn't?" Shiro asked, taken aback. "I've had feelings for him since before the Kerberos mission. I thought it was pretty obvious."

"You just said all that without showing any visible reaction," Hunk answered, brow furrowed. "No blushing, no stuttering, no nothing. Call me crazy, but that doesn't seem very obvious to me."

"Hunk is right," Allura chimed in. "You're very subtle. Last I spoke to Keith, he wouldn't even entertain the possibility that you reciprocated his affections."

"Oh." That was… not what Shiro had expected. Sure, he wasn't so surprised that his crush had gone over Keith's head, but if neither Hunk nor Allura had noticed, well, he was clearly much less obvious than he'd thought. "Oh no."

"Yeah,  _oh no!"_ Hunk shot back. "Keith probably thought that kiss was just the drug-which, uh, yeah, that's not what it looked like from over here. You two are definitely that PDA couple."

The words, ' _we are?_ ' were at the tip of Shiro's tongue. He bit them back, though, if only because his friends expected him to be the mature one. They still thought of him as their leader, after all.

Although, Shiro wasn't sure that even mattered, at this point. Their actual leader was currently running away from everyone, too embarrassed to even speak.

 _And whose fault is that?_  Shiro let out a sigh, carding a hand through his hair. This whole time, Keith had been in love with him, and Shiro had chosen to act while he was under the influence of some drug? And now, he still didn't know how Shiro really felt. Things were already bad enough from Shiro's viewpoint, but Keith's situation was infinitely worse _._

"I need to find him. I've gotta tell him," Shiro said, staring at Hunk like he'd know what to do (which, even now, Shiro realized was a ridiculous expectation).

"Well, go then! What are you looking at me for?"

It took Shiro a moment to process that, before he nodded his head. "Yeah," he replied, trying his damnedest to calm down as he walked out the door and into the hallway.

He had to find a way to fix this.

* * *

 

"Just wait here," Hunk had said. "She'll be here in just a minute," he'd said.

Well, Pidge  _hadn't_ shown up in a minute, and Hunk was a liar. Over an hour later,  _Allura_ had shown up without Keith or Pidge and told Lance some bullcrap about falling backward down some stairs.

Which was obviously a lie. Honestly, did they really think they could pull one over on him? Lance knew Pidge didn't want to see him; no need to sugarcoat it. And why such a crazy story? No one (especially not Pidge) would fall backward down stairs and get injured because of it. That's not how things worked. Lance might not have been smart, but he had enough common sense to know that  _that_  story was a load of rancid chicken nuggets.

Like, why would Pidge like him, anyway? Objectively speaking, Lance wasn't the most likeable person on this ship. He wasn't as hot as Shiro or Allura, he wasn't as good at fighting as Keith, and he didn't have Hunk's friendly personality or engineering skills. He didn't even have a thing! Well, he had guns, but did guns really count as a thing? And it wasn't like really nice guns would win Pidge over, anyway.

Or at least, not the kind of guns Lance had. Again, Shiro definitely beat out Lance in  _that_  department.

Wait… was it even a gun? Did Lance have a gun? It was more of a laser-rifle, or a laser-ray, or whatever everyone called it. A shooter? A laser-blazer? Usually, Lance wouldn't have forgotten the technical term, but he was just so distracted….

"Heh, y'know who would remember what it's called?" Lance asked himself.

The question was left unanswered, but Lance could still practically hear Pidge's name echoing across the walls. Suddenly, he was very aware of just how empty his room was. Other than a bed, there were only a few fixtures and decorations, and most of those only made him think of Pidge. On the wall hung a few postcards and photos Pidge had printed for him, and most his floor-space was occupied by the video-game console she'd gerry-rigged. He hadn't pulled them out in a while, but he knew that if he looked under his bed, he'd find Pidge's headphones from back on Earth.

He knew it had only been a couple hour since he'd seen her, but Lance really missed Pidge. Just the other night, before this whole mess, he and Pidge had stayed up for hours playing  _Killbot Phantasm 2,_  and it had been a lot more fun than anything they'd done in the past forty-eight hours-though that wasn't exactly a high bar to get over. The only good thing about the last two days was all the time Lance had gotten to spend with Pidge.

Sure, she'd just talked about how much she'd rather have Hunk working with her most the time, but-

That wasn't exactly true, though, was it? Pidge may have mentioned Hunk's chemistry expertise a few times, but she'd never said or even implied that Hunk was better than Lance. In fact, when Lance had accused her of exactly that, Pidge had immediately denied it, and while Hunk may have been a liar, Pidge sure wasn't. And, in retrospect, Lance really hadn't had much reason to be jealous of Hunk to begin with, since Hunk and Pidge had never actually been in a relationship.

Which was kinda weird, since Pidge had seemed really jealous when Hunk had been flirting with Lance….

Wait. What if Pidge hadn't been jealous of Lance after all? What if, actually, she was jealous of  _Hunk_  instead? What if….

What if Pidge wanted to be Lance's best friend, like Hunk? Oh, that would be awful. Lance might not have had a shot at becoming Pidge's  _boyfriend_ , but maybe Pidge just wanted them to be  _best friends_ , instead. Lance was okay with that, probably maybe. Hunk might've been Lance's best friend, but it wasn't like he couldn't have  _two_ best friends. That was okay-and it was pretty much already true. Lance might've known Hunk for longer, but after two years in space, he definitely knew Pidge just as well.

This whole time, Pidge had totally been jealous that she wasn't as close as Hunk, but that just wasn't true. Lance had to tell her. He had to let her know that they could be  _best friends forever_ , and he needed to tell her  _now_. This could possibly be the most important thing Lance would ever have to do.

Resolute, made his way to the door.

* * *

 

"Come here often?" Shiro drawled with a sly grin, one arm propped on the doorframe.

Keith arched an eyebrow. "Shiro, this a broom closet."

"Yeah, I noticed," Shiro replied with a short laugh. "Why are you in here?"

"Well, I didn't want anyone to know where I was." Naively, Keith had figured he'd finally get some privacy if he hid in the most obscure closet in the castle. Unfortunately, Shiro knew him a bit too well. Now, he was squatting glamorously on the floor of a darkened closet, arms around his knees, squinting into the light at Shiro.

"Great job with that, by the way," Shiro said, still smiling, as he leaned in just enough to cast his face into the closet's shadow. "You know, I had to check thirty-three closets before I found you."

Though he was still nervous as fuck, Keith managed a small laugh. "Thirty-three, huh? That's. That's a lot of closets."

Shiro rubbed his chin in thought, as if such an idea had never occurred to him. "Yeah, I guess it is a lot of closets."

Well, that left one obvious question: "Why the hell were you looking for so long?"

That seemed to catch him off guard. Shiro straightened, taking his arm off the doorframe and letting it fall to his side. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened back there," he told him. "I wasn't myself."

He wasn't wrong. Keith couldn't think of any other time Shiro had just  _grabbed_  someone like that and  _kissed_ them, so- yeah, 'not myself' was probably a bit of an understatement. "Really? I couldn't tell," he droned, voice dripping with sarcasm as he leveled Shiro with a deadpan stare.

Shiro didn't rise to the bait-not like that really surprised Keith. "What I meant," he replied, carefully composed, "was that I shouldn't have kissed you, even if I  _was_  drugged."

"It's fine," Keith said with a shrug. He wasn't about to complain about getting kissed by Shiro. If anything, Keith should have been apologizing to Shiro for prolonging a kiss that Shiro had never wanted in the first place. "You did what you had to do."

Shiro didn't look convinced, edging backward just a bit, well-toned arms folded over his equally-toned chest. "What do you mean? Why would I have had to kiss you?" He cocked his head to the side, showing off a jawline sharp enough to- screw metaphors, it was  _sharp._

Keith flushed, looking back at the ground. Checking Shiro out probably wasn't going to help him get through this conversation. "Kissing is kinda the cure for the drug," he explained, shaking his head _._  "You're the fourth person who's snapped out of it after kissing someone."

"Kissing is the cure?" Shiro repeated, dubious. "What kind of drug is this?"

 _The kind you only see in poorly-written fanfiction?_ "A stupid one," Keith decided.

Shiro frowned in thought, then nodded his head like,  _yeah, fair enough._  "Well, I'm still sorry I put you through that. It wasn't fair to you, and I didn't even ask you first."

Keith suppressed a groan. What was this, Shiro's third apology? "Shiro, I'm fine."

"You're in a broom closet."

And suddenly, Keith was very aware of the fact that he was still hunched over in a tiny closet. He was used to being shorter than Shiro, but the height gap got a bit ridiculous when Keith was sitting on the floor while Shiro stood at his full height. It made Keith feel a bit like the hobbit to Shiro's tall, sexy elf.

Not that Keith would ever have admitted to making that comparison in his head.

"I'm fine," he insisted, shifting his legs so he was sitting on his knees, hands splayed across his lap. "This is fine."

Shiro coughed into his fist, as if that would keep Keith from noticicing his stifled laugh. "No, it's not. You were planning on locking yourself here for how long?"

"Until someone told me to leave," he muttered, which didn't help his case in the slightest. To be honest, Shiro was right: Keith really  _wasn't_ alright. As much as he tried to cover it up with deadpan humor, he still couldn't get around the fact that Shiro  _knew._  Shiro  _knew_ how Keith felt about him, and there they were, just bantering back and forth like nothing was wrong. It almost reminded him of the way they talked to each other back at the Garrison, light-hearted and coy and borderline-flirtatious.

Not that Shiro saw it that way.

"Okay, fine," Keith relented. "You might have a point. It's been a long couple days, alright? I got drugged, I fell in love with Allura, I eloped, and now- now… well, you know."

Perhaps sensing all the conflicted emotions bubbling up inside of Keith, Shiro lowered himself, sitting cross-legged in front of him. "Yeah, I do know," he said, "and I feel the same way."

 _Well, clearly you don't know, if you're saying stuff like that_. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Shiro's eyes met his, steely-grey and deathly serious. "Keith, I love you."

Keith spluttered. "Don't say that!" he cried, clutching his chest-his heart was hammering in his ribcage like it was about to explode. Was this what a heart attack felt like?  _I love you_ , he'd said, like that was actually true. If Keith wasn't freaking out, he might have found that funny.

"Why not?" Shiro asked, brow furrowed. "It's true."

"Yeah, but not like that," Keith countered, clenching his hands into fists around the fabric of his pants so it wasn't so obvious that they were shaking. His eyes were trained steadfastly on the ground, as if he could burn an escape hatch into the floor by sheer force of will. He knew that if he looked up at Shiro, he'd see that innocent look flicker with disgusted recognition, and Keith wasn't prepared for the embarrassment or the heartbreak.

God, why had Lance decided to spill again?

But the gasp of epiphany never came, and Shiro simply repeated, "Why not? What do you mean  _like that?"_

"What, do I have to spell it out for you?" Keith snapped, finally glaring up at him. Shiro  _had_  to be playing coy to mess with him, right? "I mean romantically, Shiro. Lance told you, I know you know. And I know you don't feel the same way, so you can stop right there."

"That's what I've been trying (well, failing) to tell you this whole time," he replied, still eerily calm. He didn't seem disgusted, but that was only a small comfort to Keith when Shiro was staring into his very soul. "I  _do_  feel the same way. I'm  _in love_ with you. Like that."

Keith felt stifled under Shiro's gaze, so he turned away. "Quit trying to spare my feelings," he mumbled, almost whispering.

He felt a hand on his chin, and Shiro pushed his face back, forcing Keith to look at him again. "I'm not trying to spare your feelings. Why wouldn't I love you like that?"

"Because you don't?" Keith suggested, swatting Shiro's hand away. "I've never seen you show any interest before, and Lance hasn't picked up on any hints. Hell,  _Lance_  agrees with me on this, Shiro. That never happens."

Shiro's hand hovered in the air for a bit, as if he were unsure what to do with it. Then, he rested it atop his knee, letting out a long-suffering sigh. "Well, you and Lance are both wrong. I've been in love with you since before the Kerberos mission."

"Really?" Keith queried. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I was going on the Kerberos mission!" he retorted, leaning in a bit closer as he grew more frantic. "I didn't want to start a relationship, only to go off into space for a year with little-to-no contact. I was planning on confessing when I got back, but then I got captured by aliens, and when I finally got back to Earth, there were, like, three random strangers there. It would've been awkward."

"Fair enough." Keith had to agree there, but it wasn't like this was any better. If Shiro hadn't wanted an awkward conversation, why would he confront him in a broom closet, nearly two years after they'd met up again? "Why not after that, then? We've been in space for two years, Shiro."

"Well, there was never a good time," Shiro stammered, fidgeting with his mechanical arm. Apparently, he'd realized how dumb that argument sounded, given the circumstances. "First, we were too busy fighting Zarkon to really do anything, and my head was still a bit scrambled. Then, you were acting all weird because of your blade, and it seemed wrong to make a move when you were still getting used to being Galra. Then, I got captured by aliens again." He paused for a moment, then added, "damn, I get captured by aliens a lot."

"I know, it's terrifying!" Keith cried, eyes wide. Perhaps that was an overreaction, but after the seeing the object of his affections captured by aliens  _twice_ , he figured his drama was justified. "I almost couldn't believe you were back, the second time. The haircut made you look a bit like your own evil clone."

Shiro ran a hand through his short bangs, cheeks going pink. "Really? Is there… something wrong with it?"

"No, there's nothing wrong with hair, Shiro," Keith grumbled, thinking back to Lance's earlier criticisms. "You look fine.  _So,"_  he tacked on, coughing awkwardly into his fist, "you really are in love with me?"

Shiro nodded. "Yes, I am. Look, I know I was intoxicated, but everything I said to you while under the drug's influence was true. It didn't make me feel anything I hadn't already felt before; it just took what was already there and twisted it a bit."

Keith hummed in thought. "That makes sense. You weren't quite acting like me or Allura or Hunk. Maybe it's because you already had feelings for me?"

"I'd buy it," Shiro said, shrugging to himself. "I mean, it's not like I was hanging off of you or proposing to you."

"No, you just yelled at me for proposing to someone else." Keith shifted, edging backward in the closet a bit as he recalled his affair with the princess. "By the way, I'm still kind of engaged," he admitted, biting his lip.

Shiro inched a bit closer (at this point, they were going to run out of room to keep scooting around in the closet). "I know. Allura said there was some kind of ritual?"

"Yeah. Once this is all over with, we'll be able to do that. Then we can really be together- I mean, if that's what you want." Keith grimaced. Did that sound weird? That sounded weird. They'd already established that they both wanted this; was he still so scared of rejection that he had to tack desperate-sounding clauses onto all his statements?

But Shiro just smirked at him, snorting before he replied, "no, actually, I was hoping you'd marry Allura."

Once he calmed himself down, Keith managed a smile as well. "Figured as much," he groused, but he couldn't hide the mirth behind his words. "So, um, wanna try the kissing thing again? For real this time?"

Shiro raised an eyebrow. "Only if you stop calling it 'the kissing thing'."

"Deal," he whispered back as he leaned in to capture Shiro's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lame ending is lame orz
> 
> thank you guys so much for sticking around and being willing to wait this long!! i'm wrapping up finals this week, but after that, i should be able to finish up this fic for good ;)


	13. Leap Day

Pidge awoke to dim, neon-blue lights and an all-too-familiar sinking sensation in her gut. Unused to sleeping on her feet, she fell to the ground, barely catching herself on her hands before her head collided with the floor. She coughed, her throat dry in spite of the wet air around her. Though she felt dizzy from the sleep and the thick clouds of cold mist hanging in the air, she still had enough sense to wipe her glasses on the sleeve of her shirt to clear the fog. Blinking the room into focus around her, blue-cast cryopods came into view in the tell-tale subdued lighting of the medical wing. As she caught her breath, memories of the last two days came back to her with the force and electricity of a thunderbolt.

_Her arm._

Realizing that she was still on her hands and knees, she sat upright, flexing her right arm and marvelling that it didn't hurt at all. Experimentally, she clenched her hand into a tight fist—when that yielded no noticeable pain, she let her arm sink down to her side, satisfied that it was completely healed. She looked around the empty room, which was eerily quiet and hauntingly cyan and reminded her of a science fiction landscape (though, well, this was a space alien's castle-ship, and she piloted a giant green robotic lion, so that description may have been a little too accurate for comparison). A shiver crawled its way down her spine, either from the mist or from the sudden, strange sensation that she was missing something. But what would she have been missing? Had she forgotten something while she'd been asleep? She remembered that she'd fallen down the stairs, and that Keith had been warning her to slow down, but before that….

She'd been desperate to go somewhere, frantic to accomplish some pressing task. What was it? Certainly something important. Something about Lance?

Wait, Lance still needed to see her! Abruptly, she shot to her feet, head still spinning and legs still half-asleep. Battling vertigo, she made her way to the door and stumbled out into the hallway in desperate search of Lance's room. What if she was too late? What if Lance had gone crazy again?

She had to find him.

* * *

 

After checking Pidge's room, the kitchen, the hangar, and everything in between, Lance was starting to think that Pidge really was in a cryopod. Perhaps Hunk wasn't such a liar, after all. In fact, now that he thought about it, Hunk had to be the most brutally honest person Lance knew. He was awful at lying, so Lance should have been able to sense his honesty.

Of course, he hadn't really been able to trust his own judgement, lately, nor could he have trusted anyone else's over the past couple days. And, he figured, it was always better to be paranoid and prepared than trusting and dead-that was a lesson he'd learned from Hunk himself.

Now, Lance was on the eighth floor of the castle, and he needed to get back down to level two to check the medical wing. Sighing, he started off toward the elevator, which was (of course) on the other end of the wing.

He was tempted to wait for Pidge to come to him, but he would've lost his nerve too quickly if he stopped looking for her now. If Hunk had been telling the truth, that meant that Pidge knew how he felt about her, which meant that she'd want to cure him. Then, things would go back to normal, and Lance would forget everything he'd learned to love about Pidge while he'd been under the drug's influence, an he didn't want that to happen. He'd rather stay in love with Pidge and never kiss her for the rest of his life than have that happen.

"Whoa," he said aloud as he stepped into the elevator (when had he made it to the elevator?), "I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy over  _Pidge_."

But he wasn't sure he minded it, so long as it was Pidge making him lose his mind. As the elevator beeped in the background, he tried to reason with himself. There was no way he could get away with not kissing her, especially once the others found him, but he could dream, right? There had to be some way for him to stay like this. Maybe, Hunk could make another, less-violent love drug, and he could stay high on it forever. Maybe, Hunk could even condense it into a drink, and Lance could drink his loving-Pidge juice everyday with breakfast.

Already, as he stepped out of the elevator, he could almost see Hunk rolling his eyes at him for even  _thinking_  something so dumb, but Lance hardly cared. He needed to be in love with Pidge.

He needed to remember the timbre of her laugh, the breadth of her smile, the way her hair rested on her face, the location of every cute little freckle across her nose and cheeks. He needed a book that contained every witticism she'd ever slung at him, every complex concept she'd ever explained to him, and every word of assurance she'd ever given him. He wanted her whole being engraved into his skull the way it was right now, even if Pidge didn't feel the same way.

The medical wing was just down the hall now. He would've checked it much earlier if not for his own stubborn insistence that Hunk was a no-good, rotten, jerkface liar. Already, he could see the door up ahead and to the right, a bit wider than the others and lit blue in case there was an emergency overnight. He kept walking (almost marching) down the hallway, face contorted into a concentrated pout. Finally, as he reached the end of the hall, he pushed the button to open the door.

The room was empty, but one of the cryopods lay ajar. Pidge had to have been there, Lance realized-and she must have left recently, if the fog still clinging to the floor was any indication. She must've finished healing and gone to look for him in his room. Except-

Except Lance wasn't in his room. He was in the medical wing.

"Ah, quiznak," he muttered to himself. It had been so quiet standing there in the empty med wing that even the sound of his own voice seemed to startle him. He shivered as the mist tickled his ankles through his jeans. Pidge was on the other side of the ship, and Lance was just standing there, dumbfounded, as he gaped at her empty cryopod.

He had to find her.

* * *

 

"I wonder if Shiro ever managed to track down Keith," Allura said conversationally as she and Hunk strolled down the hall.

Hunk shrugged, peering into an adjacent room to check for Keith. "I dunno. Knowing Keith, he probably Naruto-ran to the most obscure closet on the castle and locked himself in."

Allura didn't know what a Naruto-run was, but it certainly sounded like something Keith would do. Keith liked running. "Yes, probably so," she agreed as they rounded a corner.

They'd been instructed to look for Keith, but she and Hunk had both agreed that they wanted no part in  _that_ debacle. Instead, they were half-heartedly roaming the castle, occasionally dipping behind doors to check for signs of life.

"At this point, I'm more concerned about Coran," Hunk replied, pulling his tablet out of one of the large packs on his belt. "Shouldn't he be back by now? Or, y'know, at least within range of our communication devices? He's still completely off the grid as of fourteen doboshes ago. Let me refresh it again." He swiped across the screen, reconfiguring the castle's communications and sending out another call.

But no luck. The screen flashed red and Allura let out a sigh as Hunk stifled a groan. "I'm sure he'll be back soon enough," she assured him. "He was going on a simple mission to a relatively safe part of the galaxy."

"Yeah, I know," Hunk muttered back, already refreshing again, "but something still doesn't feel right. I mean, we got hit with literal chemical warfare the second he left. There's gotta be something weird about that. He's, like, the one guy who might actually know something about this, so someone waits till he's gone to attack us? Sounds sketchy."

Hunk had a fair point; how convenient that they'd been hit right after Coran had left…. If Coran had been there, then he would've been able to offer at least some sort of advice, if not the exact identity of the chemical-that is, once he himself were cured of the love drug.

Oh, that was right. The love drug. Coran. "Actually," she mused as she opened the door to a supply closet, "if anything, I'm rather glad he was gone for this."

Hunk jerked up, lowering his tablet to gaze at Allura with a skeptical grimace. "Why do you say that?" he asked. "If he'd been here when the drug hit, then- oh." Allura could see the entire devolution of his composure as it dawned on him, the way his contorted, confused face fell slack with sheer disgust at the mere thought of Coran falling for one of them. "Oh, gross," he spat, once he regained control of his fine motor skills. "Yeah, let's just forget that was a possibility and not question it. Like at all. Ever."

Amused, Allura smirked as she peered into the closet. "I can't decide which would be more unsettling: seeing Coran infatuated with one of us, or seeing one of us infatuated with him." Deciding that it was physically impossible for Keith to hide in such a small space, she closed the closet again, turning back to Hunk, who was shaking his head slowly, eyes wide and glazed as if he were traumatized.

"I'm still trying to figure out which scenario would be the least awkward," he replied. He seemed to consider this for a moment, lips pursed, then asked, "Shiro's, like, twenty-three, right? How old is Coran?"

Allura grinned. "Seven-hundred and fifty-two, not counting the ten-thousand years inside a cryopod."

"Never mind, it's still weird." Stifling a grimace, he turned back to his tablet to mess with some controls, then hummed in thought. "Wait, how old are you, then- actually, no, I don't wanna know."

Inwardly, Allura agreed that it was probably best not to tell him her age. In all honesty, human aging often confused her. She didn't understand how Pidge could possibly have been  _older_  than Shiro. Especially since- wait, had Hunk said that Shiro was  _twenty-three?_ "I'm not sure how old I would be in Earth years. I am a bit confused, though. Didn't Keith say that Shiro was turning six soon?"

Hunk looked up at her, baffled, then his face fell slack with realization. "Oh, right, because he was born on leap day. I mean, no, he's not- well,  _technically-_  it's complicated."

"Sounds like it," Allura said with a laugh. She'd have to ask Shiro what a leap day was after this was all over with. "Anyhow, it seems that Alteans and Earthlings age rather differently, so there's no way to tell for certain how strange an age gap between the two would be. Regardless, as neither actually hold any affection for one another, it would still be awkward."

"Yeah, but Coran's, like-" Hunk cut himself off, making a vague gesture with his hands, then said, "y'know, Space Uncle. And Shiro's, like, Space Dad. Doesn't that kinda make them space brothers? Or space brothers-in-law? Is that how that works?"

She deadpanned, hoping that Hunk was being facetious. It was hard to tell, sometimes, whether Hunk was joking or not. "I don't know too much about the space-nicknames, but I'm fairly certain that that's not how it works."

Hunk ignored her, continuing on his ridiculous train of thought. "So, really, wouldn't that mean that any potential relationship between Shiro and Coran would kinda be incest?"

Allura would have corrected him herself (Hunk had to be joking, right?), but a voice interrupted from behind. "What the hell?"

As they both turned back to look at Shiro, Hunk gave an awkward laugh, cheeks flushed red. "Uh, hey, Shiro," he stammered.

He hadn't even seemed to notice Keith, who was standing right next to Shiro with his arms crossed over his chest. "Incest?" he asked, dubious. "Between Shiro and Coran?"

"Hey, Keith," Hunk added belatedly, still stealing awkward glances at Shiro. "So, did you two, um, talk and stuff?"

"Yeah, actually," Shiro replied, placing a hand on Keith's shoulder.

Keith leaned into the touch, perhaps involuntarily, placing his hand on top of Shiro's as he gave Hunk and Allura a small smile. "We had a heart-to-heart in a broom closet," he told them. "It was great."

It was the first time Allura had seen him genuinely happy in days, and she was relieved to see it. "That's wonderful! I'm glad you two could sort things out! We've got a bit of a problem, though. We're trying to figure out where Coran is. He's supposed to be back by now."

And, just like that, Keith was all business, smile melting into a stoic frown. "Have you tried contacting him?"

Hunk rolled his eyes. " _No,_ Keith," he replied, as if he hadn't spent the last varga trying to connect to Coran's pod, "not once did I think of trying to get in contact with him. It's not like that would be the logical thing to do."

"Okay, so?"

"He's still offline," Hunk told him, refreshing his tablet one more time to be sure. "He was supposed to be  _back_  five vargas ago, which means he should've been online about nineteen vargas ago at the latest."

Keith cursed under his breath. "That is a problem. Should we go after him?"

"We could if we knew where to find him," Allura replied. "However, he could be anywhere between the Giblaxozel system and this ship at the moment, and he could have gone off course. Since he's still offline, we can't be sure."

"Right," Keith said with a nod, "and no one in that system is on the grid, so we can't contact anyone to see where he went, or if he even left in the first place. Shiro, any ideas?"

Allura followed Keith's line of vision to Shiro, whose cocked his head. "Well, he was on a basic supply-gathering mission on a peaceful planet," he mused, "and we'd know if the Galra started attacking there, so it's not likely that he's in any danger. The mission might've taken longer than expected, or he could've gotten held up doing something else."

Hunk hummed in agreement. "He was in a small escape pod, and those get damaged pretty easily. He might've had to stop for repairs somewhere."

"Well, what if he got stranded in a broken pod, then?" Keith asked, carding a hand through his hair. "We'd still need to find him, somehow."

In retrospect, this was a much bigger safety issue than Allura had anticipated. Sure, Coran was probably fine, but if they were going to continue these side missions in distant, offline galaxies, they would need to find a reliable communication and tracking system. "It's unlikely the ship got too damaged to fly to a nearby planet," she pointed out, trying to stay optimistic, "and even if he did, he still wouldn't be in any immediate danger. The pods are equipped with rations."

"Exactly," Shiro said. "I vote we wait for another couple hours. If he's still gone, we wormhole into the Giblaxozel system and start trying to search for him. We don't want to move until we're sure he's missing, though."

"Because he won't know where to find us, right," Keith added, brow furrowed in thought. "How about we-"

"Wait!" Hunk exclaimed, one hand raised to cut Keith off. "Wait-wait-wait! Hold it! One of the doors to the hangar is opening!"

"Is it Coran?" Keith asked without hesitation.

"The sensors say it's one of our pods."

He nodded. "Good enough. Let's go."

* * *

 

Lance wasn't in his room, and Pidge was at a loss. Where else would he be? Allura and Hunk had locked him in, right? What if there'd been an emergency, and they hadn't been able to wake Pidge up to pilot Green? Maybe, the castle was about to explode, and they'd all forgotten Pidge when they were evacuating.

Or, more likely, they'd forgotten to lock the door, and Lance had decided to leave. Pidge dug her nails into her palms in a last-ditch effort to force herself to think clearly, gazing down at Lance's unmade bed and trying to imagine him sitting atop it.

Apparently, he hadn't been so immune to the drugs after all, and he needed to see  _Pidge,_  of all people. Even with her mind fogged over like glass in steam, it wasn't so hard to figure out why Lance had needed to see her. He was probably looking for her as she was thinking about him.

Had he been sitting there on that bed right now, he'd probably race to his feet at the sight of her. He might even be embarrassed that he hadn't made his bed (he always made his bed), pulling the covers up as he walked over to her. Then he'd say her name, his voice carrying a depth she'd never heard from him before. He'd brush her bangs to the side before placing a gentle hand on her waist and leaning in. He'd leave only an inch between them, allowing her to close the gap. She'd never kissed anyone before-never met anyone who had wanted to kiss her-, but somehow, she wasn't nervous about kissing Lance.

Of course, that was just because he was still drugged. Whenever the others found him, she'd have no choice but to let them cure him (whatever that entailed; Keith had been pretty vague about it).  _That_ was the part she was nervous about. Would it be too obvious that Pidge's feelings for him went beyond some stupid love drug?

A sharp pain seared through her palms, and she realized she hadn't unclenched her fists yet. She forced her hands to relax before her nails managed to draw blood, letting out a breath she hadn't meant to hold.

Her eyes fell onto Lance's bed again. It looked so wrong, so out-of-character for Lance to leave his sheets askew and his pillow neglected on the ground. It was too much like Pidge's own bed, and she had to wonder whether or not he had made his bed look that way on purpose. It was probably a coincidence, but now that the idea was in her head, she couldn't get it out. She had to make his bed, before these drugs turned her into a crazy conspiracy theorist. Letting out a sigh of defeat, she drew the covers up, tucking the sides in underneath the mattress just like Lance always did. She even fluffed his pillow before she set it at the head of the bed, even though that was completely superfluous and kinda creepy, now that she thought about it.

Thus, she resolved not to think about it, sitting down on the ground with her back propped on the bed and staring at the rest of Lance's room. However, this only brought her attention to their video game console still monopolizing the floor, which didn't help, so she leaned her head back onto the bed instead, staring at the only thing free of drama: the bare white ceiling. At least, she mused, things couldn't get any worse.

Or at least, that was what she thought, until Lance's voice came from out in the hallway. "Hey, Pidge? You in here?"

Yikes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I decided (again) to add to the chapter count, because the document for this chapter came out to almost 7000 words. At least this time, the next chapter is already 80% done. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish soon.


	14. Love-Drunk

Hunk was so relieved to see Coran, he almost forgot to be angry that he was  _so late_. Seriously, they'd been worried about him! Couldn't he at least call in? Or, heck, at least  _turn on his comms so they could see him?_  At least he was safe, Hunk figured as he let out a sigh.

"Hello, paladins!" came Coran's cheery greeting as he emerged from the pod, waving at them with near-overwhelming enthusiasm.

"Uh, hey," Hunk replied, waving back automatically. "Where were you? You were supposed to be back almost a quintant ago."

"Are you alright?" Allura asked, brushing past Hunk to inspect Coran more closely. "Was there a problem with the Gibloxozelans?"

Coran's smile slid for a moment, but he quickly recovered. "There was a brief hold-up, but I made it through just fine!" he declared, pumping his fist to show just how fine he was. "That's not important, though: are all of you alright?"

Hunk's stomach tightened—there was something off about Coran, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Maybe it was something about his tone? He seemed  _especially_ exuberant right now, even for Coran. He was twitching, too, twiddling his fingers over his crossed arms as if he couldn't keep still.

"We're fine," Allura told him, brow furrowed. She seemed put off by Coran's demeanor as well, which only heightened Hunk's suspicions.

"Yeah, except for that major breach of security that happened that happened right after he left," Keith interjected, scowling. "Y'know, the one that compromised us for two days?"

Coran's eye twitched, and he started scratching at his ear. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, we got hit with this crazy love drug right when you left," Hunk retorted, leaning in toward Coran. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

Coran shook his head frantically. "Oh, no! Certainly not! Obviously, as I wasn't there, I have no idea how you got hit with an affection vapor right after I left for the Gibloxazel system."

Hunk continued to glare at him, and Coran visibly wilted under his gaze.

"Alright, fine," he conceded. "I administered the drug myself. It was originally intended to be a team bonding exercise."

No one said anything for a moment. Then, Keith spoke up. "You mean you thought that hitting us with some love potion would help us  _bond?!_ "

And, though he was right, Hunk couldn't help but remember exactly how close together the love drug had brought some of them. Heck, Keith was  _engaged_  now. "I mean,  _technically-"_

"Wrong kind of bonding!" Keith interrupted, face flushed.

"Really, Hunk, you're taking his side?" Shiro added, placing a hand on Keith's shoulder in a show of support.

Hunk shrugged. "I'm just saying-" He started to say, smirking at them both, but their twin glares quickly shut him up. Man, he'd have to remind himself never to cross that couple.

"I can explain!" Coran cried. "There was a mix-up! We gave you the wrong drug."

Keith crossed his arms over his chest. "But you still wanted to drug us?"

"Well, see, there was this-"

Allura butt in. "Coran, if you were planning to administer a drug, don't you think we have a right to know what you intended to do to us?"

Coran continued to stammer for a moment, then finally said, "you're right, Princess. The original plan was to release a drug that swaps your consciousness with another nearby individual."

"So, you were gonna have us all switch bodies?" Hunk asked for clarification. Coran's explanation was still a bit vague, and he wanted to be sure he'd interpreted that right.

Fuming, Keith uncrossed his arms, gesticulating wildly with his hands. "That's not better!" he shouted, affronted.

Coran turned to Hunk, as if  _he_  had some defense.

Hunk shrugged. "What? He's right, it's not better."

"Yeah, that's pretty bad," Shiro agreed.

"In his defense," Allura contended, "we certainly would have gotten to know each other better."

"But at what cost?" Hunk replied, deadpan. How was this even possible? A body-swap drug sounded even crazier than a love drug. How could a chemical possibly make people switch  _brains_? Maybe if it was a really complex hallucinogen….

Shiro shook his head slowly, taking in a deep breath. "Okay," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "let's pretend for a minute that we're all okay with us. That still doesn't explain why you were so late."

Coran gave them an awkward smile, face going red. "Well, we got hit with the drug intended for you."

Wait, Coran and the aliens had gotten hit with the body-swap drug? That was really ironic, actually. Hunk stifled a snort. "So you just spent two days in some random alien's body?"

Coran groaned. "Yes."

And, as much as Hunk wanted to sympathize, he really couldn't. At least Coran hadn't spent two days in love with his best friend—or worse, gotten  _engaged_.

* * *

Lance had expected Pidge to be happy to see him. Perhaps she would be concerned, worried about where he'd gone since he'd left the room. Either way, he wasn't expecting her to be leaning on his bed, head resting on the mattress.

"Oh great," she groaned, chin pointed toward the ceiling, eyes hidden concealed by the bright glare from her glasses. "Now the drugs are making me hallucinate."

Lance was almost offended. "Hey, I'm not a hallucination!" And why would the drugs even do that, anyway? They were love drugs, not  _make-Lance-appear-out-of-nowhere_  drugs.

Though Pidge didn't bother lifting her head off his bed, her head lolled to the side until she was facing him. Her glasses went askew, and her bangs fell over her eyes, but to Lance, she'd never looked more beautiful.

"You'll have to do better than that," she replied. "That's exactly what a hallucination would say."

Well, Lance wasn't one to turn down a challenge, so he made his way into the room and sat beside her, back resting against the side of his bed. "Guess your arm's better, then."  _Ha! Would a hallucination say that?_

Pidge didn't answer his silent question, though. Instead, she lifted her head off the bed, adjusting her glasses as she gave him a small smile. "Keith told you I broke my arm?"

"Actually, the Princess did," he said. "She told me you were dying to see me, and Hunk said you'd come the minute you healed. 'Course, I didn't believe them. I mean, why would you want to see  _me_ , right?"

He'd been trying to play his self-deprecation off as a joke, but Pidge's smile still slipped into a displeased grimace. "Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

Lance was tempted to reply,  _because you deserve better than me_ , but that probably wouldn't have helped. She only wanted to be friends, anyway. Instead, he shrugged, carefully nonchalant. "I dunno. For some reason, I thought you and Hunk had something going on. I wouldn't wanna get between you two."

She spluttered. "Hunk?! But he's been dating Shay for almost a year."

"That's what Hunk said, too, but you looked so jealous whenever he was around me, I had to wonder." Something angry flashed inside of him—apparently, even the  _thought_  of Pidge and Hunk together was enough to make him jealous. He forced himself to take a deep breath. "But I think I get it, now."

"You do?"

 _That's it, Lancey-Lance. Get the confession bit over with and things can finally stop being weird._  All he had to do was admit that he liked her, convince her to kiss him better, and then they could finally go back to being friends. But, now that it came down to it, Lance wasn't sure he could go through with it. He was feeling that same tugging in his chest that he'd felt on his way there, that same nagging reminder that kissing Pidge would get rid of his feelings for her.

Sure, his feelings didn't feel fake, but Allura's and Keith's feelings under the drug probably hadn't felt fake, either. And, heck, Lance  _knew_ how Hunk acted when he had a crush on someone, and his flirting yesterday had been a little too realistic for comfort. Lance couldn't trust that his feelings for Pidge would still be there after they kissed.

Maybe he could get out of kissing her if he kept her in the friend-zone. If he could convince her that he didn't actually like her, that he really was immune, maybe she wouldn't try to cure him.

So, he put on his most serious face and told Pidge, "of course I do, and I feel the same way. Look, Pidge, I know Hunk and I seem close, but-"

"It was just the drug screwing with my head, I know. I understand that now."

"You do?" he replied, and Pidge nodded her affirmation. He… hadn't expected her to talk about the drug's influence from her own perspective, especially not in reference to his friendship with Hunk. It was almost like she actually returned his feelings, but that would've been crazy. Maybe the drug had made her want to be better friends with him? That was possible, right?

Lance pressed on, though, determined not to let one strange remark throw him off. "That's great! I was so worried you felt jealous."

"Don't worry about it. Gosh, this is such a relief," Pidge said. It was the most content she'd sounded since before they'd been drugged. "I'm so happy you feel the same way."

"Well, why wouldn't I?" Lance bantered back, shooting her a smile that probably looked forced. He had to pull the 'best friends' card soon, or he might not be able to resist spilling his guts to her—then she'd probably insist on curing him. "I know Hunk and I are best friends, but you and I are just as close! Heck, we're probably even closer, at this point."

That was odd enough to draw a confused stare out of Pidge. "Yeah, I guess so."

Unable to deliver such a lie while he was sitting down next to her, he stood up and stretched, trying to look casual. "I'm so glad I got that off my chest," he told her, though (ironically enough), he felt his chest tighten in anticipation as he said it. Bracing himself, he went for the kill:

"Let's be best friends forever, Pidge."

* * *

"I take it you all figured out how to neutralize the vapor?" Coran asked, like there was still a chance Keith was gonna start making googly-eyes at the Princess.

Keith was about to make a snarky retort, but Hunk spoke up first.

"Yeah, Keith figured it out after I kissed Lance. He'd already kissed Allura earlier," he explained, and Keith wasn't quite sure how Hunk managed to keep his cool. They'd been running around for  _two days_ , trying to figure out what this drug was and how it worked, and now Coran comes back to say  _he_ was behind it all along? Fine, Coran had a reputation for wacky 'bonding' exercises, but this was insane.

"Great!" Coran exclaimed, grinning openly. "You're all cured, then?"

Hunk nodded. "Yeah, for the most part. We still need to get Lance and Pidge."

Shoot,  _Pidge._  Keith perked up at that. "Wait, is Pidge up? It's been three hours."

"You're right, she's been in a cryopod for a while," Hunk said, glancing over his shoulder like he could see her right behind him.

Coran's eyes went wide. "Pidge is in a cryopod? What happened?"

Oh,  _now_  he was worried about them? Keith rolled his eyes. "She kinda fell down the stairs and broke her arm. Y'know, because she was too anxious to see  _Lance_ , who she saw right after she was  _drugged._ "

Allura ignored him, looking over where Hunk was (Keith followed their gaze as well to see if Pidge really was back there. She wasn't.) "It has been a while," she mused, "so she's likely awake by now. She might have found Lance already, in which case, we don't have to worry about them."

"And since it's all over, there's no real reason to get upset," Shiro added, shooting Keith a look of concern.

And, fine, he was right. Giving Coran a bad attitude wouldn't help them get through this any faster. "You're right. For now, let's figure out what happened. Coran?"

With that, Coran launched into his explanation. "Well, I'd been planning this exercise with the people of Nikonia for a few weeks now. The consciousness-swapping vapor has been a standard team-building exercise since- well, since the original paladins fought together. They underwent the same exercise-"

Allura interrupted. "Really?"

"Yes! You should have seen Blaytz in your father's body, it was hilarious." Coran was so moved at the very memory that he laughed to himself for a minute before he remembered what he'd been explaining. "Anyhow," he pressed on, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye, "on that front, everything went according to plan. I made sure to schedule a decoy mission over that time so I could join their crew, and that we would be in a general lull in activity so you wouldn't be in any serious danger. I coordinated with a few of the Olkari to find a way to redirect distress calls to that planet so the coalition could handle them without you for two days, and one of the Olkari tampered with the castle's records regarding the Nikoni so you wouldn't be able to find any proper information."

"Wait, I think Pidge found something about them, though." Hunk turned to Keith. "Didn't Lance call them space fairies?"

"Probably," Keith replied dismissively. However, even as he shrugged him off, the memory started to come back. Hadn't Lance also called them  _chemistry-wizards_  or something?

"That's possible," said Coran. "Number Five was the reason we tampered with the records to begin with. Anyway, it all went by without a hitch until we discovered that someone had accidentally put affection vapor in our ship instead of a consciousness-swapping drug. We didn't realize until we had already released the drug, so it was too late. We would have stepped in to help, but as you know, in the process of trying to find the proper drug, we accidentally got hit with drug intended for you."

Allura nodded. "Right. So, what exactly is this infatuation vapor?"

"Affection vapor," he corrected. "Originally, the Nikoni used the drug as a prank. Someone would give the drug to two people, they would think they were in love, and it would be a bit of a laugh before they kissed. Because of the high that its victims experienced, they were often said to be 'drunk on love', or 'love-drunk."

"Heh, makes sense," Keith scoffed, thinking back to his own reaction to the drug.

"Afterwards, those affected would usually avoid each other, and some cut ties permanently," Coran continued, as if he hadn't even heard him. "It was particularly bad if one had feelings for the other, while the other didn't feel the same way."

"So, like, if one person actually had a crush on the other, while the other one only  _thought_  that they liked them back, because of the drug?" Hunk asked. "Is that what you're talking about?"

"Exactly!"

"Like Lance and Pidge," Keith added, starting to understand what Hunk was getting at. "Makes sense."

Hunk's eyes went wide. "You're right, it does make sense! Pidge really like Lance, but Lance doesn't like her back (otherwise he would've flirted with her). So, once they both go back to normal, Pidge is probably gonna feel super awkward while Lance might think her feelings were all part of the drug."

"It could get even worse than that," Coran interrupted, eyes glinting darkly. "Pidge may decide to tell Lance her feelings are real while they're still love-drunk. If that happens, Lance could exhibit a number of strange reactions, particularly if he's aware that he's being influenced by the drug. They may even resist kissing each other, knowing that they would have to confront their true feelings if they did."

* * *

As Lance tried to choke back the wrenching sensation in his chest, he heard Pidge gasp behind him.

"Wait, what?" she cried. She sounded hurt, and Lance stifled a wince. Had he screwed up again?

"Best friends," he echoed back to her, suddenly a bit light-headed. "Is that- is that not what you wanted?"

He turned back to look at Pidge. She had rested her chin on her knees, which were pulled up to her chest. "I guess," she mumbled, staring at the wall behind him.

"Are you sure?" Lance asked, feeling his heart squeeze tight at the sight of her. "You look so sad, all of a sudden. Did I say something wrong? Oh no, did you want to be Hunk's best friend, instead? Because-"

"Lance, stop. I was just wondering…." She sat up straighter, letting go of her legs so she could sit on her knees. "Keith said earlier that you were freaking out, and that it had something to do with me. He was a bit vague, but it sounded like it had something to do with the drug. Did it- I mean, is the drug affecting you after all?" Her voice was light and hesitant, as if she were trying not to scare him away.

Lance turned away from her again. "Hey, like you said before: I'm immune."

Suddenly, Pidge was on her feet, walking around him so she could look at his face.

"Immune, huh?" she queried, arching an eyebrow. "Is that why you're blushing?"

Lance's hands shot up to cover his face. "Me? Blush? Nonono, I'm, ah, sunburned."  _Sunburned? In space? Come on, Lance, you can do better than that._

"Yes," Pidge drawled. "I, too, get sunburned whenever I'm embarrassed. It's okay if you're not immune, Lance. I'm not, either. It sucks, but we still need to cure you."

"Well, it's good that I'm immune, then, because I definitely don't want to be cured." Lance tried to will his blush away and speak confidently, but given Pidge's skeptical gaze, he wasn't doing a very good job. He blamed the drug.

"Why not? Is curing it painful? Keith said you guys figured out how to do it."

"It's not that," Lance explained, letting the words slip from his mouth before he could filter himself. "The cure's really easy, actually. All you have to do is kiss-  _wait._ "

Why? Why in the quiznak had he spilled that? Stupid Pidge, with her stupid brain, and her stupid ability to make him admit things without even asking him to….

"Kiss?" Pidge repeated. "You mean, you have to kiss the person you fell for?"

"No! No, that's not what you have to do. I…." What? What did he do? "I misspoke?" he squeaked.  _Why, Lance, why?_  He wanted to face-palm at himself, but that would've been a dead giveaway.

Luckily, Pidge face-palmed for him. "Lance, that's a load of bull and we both know it. You can go ahead and kiss me, I'm not offended."

"I didn't fall for you, though!"

"Yeah, right," Pidge scoffed. "Look me in the eye and repeat that."

With no small amount of effort, Lance managed to pry his gaze from the floor and look into Pidge's blazing amber eyes. "I didn't," he said again, a bit less confident than before.

"You did," she countered, smirking at him. "You totally did. You're just too embarrassed to admit it. That's so cute."

"I didn't!" he repeated, and, feeling the need to defend his own masculinity, he tacked on: "And I'm not cute!" As if he weren't embarrassed enough before, his voice cracked on the word  _cute_ , and Pidge started to laugh at him.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being cute. It's part of your charm," she assured him between giggles, drawing closer so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down until his head was almost level with hers. "But either way, you still need to kiss me, since I fell for you as well."

Wait, so Pidge had liked him this whole time? Lance hadn't even suspected it. She'd acted so normal!

Pidge was still talking, though, moving in closer and closer until their lips nearly touched. "I can't believe we missed such a simple solution. We don't even need to develop an antidote or modify the castle's filtration system. Hell, I've been waiting to kiss you  _forever_. This whole time, all I needed to do was lean in and-"

"Don't!" Lance yelped, pushing her away. "Please don't! At least, not yet."

Pidge gaped at him, cheeks tinged pink. "Seriously? Don't you wanna go back to normal?"

"No! I don't!" He kept backing away, arms raised defensively in front of him, until his back hit the wall with a thud. Why had he decided he needed to see Pidge, again?

One look into her inquisitive, brown eyes provided all the answer he needed. "Why not?" she asked. "I can feel it too, you know, and it's awful. I've been irritable, and stressed, and-" She cut herself off with a groan, then added, "I hate it! How did you hide it so well? Even now, you seem fine."

Though he couldn't shake the lingering anxiety off, Lance managed a short laugh. "You should've seen me earlier. I had a gun pointed to Keith's head."

"You actually did that? I thought Keith was being dramatic." Pidge smirked at him, and Lance couldn't resist grinning back.

"Nah, that was all me," he declared, as if trying to kill Keith were something worth bragging about. Emboldened, he stepped away from the wall, but maintained a safe distance from her as he continued. "Look, Pidge. Can you please just pretend you buy my 'best friends' bit and move on?"

"No." Cautiously, she took a single step toward him, eyeing him with a note of skepticism, brow furrowed in confusion. "Why don't you want to be cured?" she asked him. "Is it because you don't want to kiss me? Do I have bad breath?" She her eyes left Lance for a moment so she could breathe onto her hand to check her breath, which was… weird, but oddly endearing? Lance didn't even know anymore. He'd lost any hope of dealing with this situation rationally almost a day ago.

He shook his head. "No, it's not that."

Pidge frowned. "Okay, are you embarrassed, then? Is this your first kiss?"

 _Well, sure, other than those couple times with Jenny Shaybon, or that other time with Tayla Parker, or Stephanie Wang, or the other Jenny, or-_ "Heck no. I've kissed-"

"Don't talk about kissing other people when I'm still drugged," Pidge shot back, almost growling. If Lance had still doubted whether or not Pidge had been affected by the drug, her jealous scowl would made it impossible to deny. How had Lance missed it before?

After a moment, she took in a shaky breath and said, "fair enough, though. Is it just your own pride? You think you're too good to be affected by the drug, so you don't want to admit that you are?"

"That's not it at all, Pidge!"

"What is it then? You need to get cured at some point! You can't stay like this forever. I don't get it; why wouldn't you want to get it over with? Is the thought of kissing me that bad, even when you're drugged to think you're in love with me? Or is it-"

Lance couldn't take it anymore. Pidge looked so distressed, so insecure, and all because he was too chicken to kiss her. "I'm scared, okay?" he interrupted.

Pidge fell silent. Neither one spoke for a moment, the room quiet save for the sound of their own breathing. Lance felt his face heat up as Pidge stared at him, her eyes wide and her lip curled downward into one of her classic calculating pouts. Lance had seen (admired) that pout before when Pidge had tinkered around with robots and computers, but he felt awkward and vulnerable when she looked at  _him_  like that. Lance felt like a patient on an operating table and Pidge was his surgeon, trying to figure out how best to cut him open and look at all his gross, squishy insides.

He wasn't sure he wanted Pidge to look at all his squishy insides, though—at least, not yet. Not when all his feelings were still new and scary and probably drug-induced. Of course, he wasn't sure if he had a choice, at this point. Pidge would probably be able to figure out what was going on, anyway.

"What are you scared of?" she finally asked, her voice surprisingly gentle given the clinical way she'd been looking at him.

 _Welp,_  he figured,  _might as well get it over with._  "I'm scared I'll stop liking you," he said, turning away from her, eyes falling to their video game console. "I didn't know how I felt until we were down there in the med wing this morning, and I felt totally useless because I couldn't help you with your tests. The way you looked me when you were reassuring me back there, and the way you've been dealing with me so patiently this whole time- I dunno, it all clicked, I guess. I'm in love with you, Pidge, but I don't know whether it's  _me_  thinking that, or if it's the drug  _making_ me think that way."

Pidge chanced another step toward him. They were close enough now that she could lace her fingers between his own as she gave him another, softer look. "I see what you're saying. You're probably right, too. I was already in love with you before the drugs hit, so-"

Lance pulled away from her, jaw slack. "Wait, back up, hold the frickin' phone. You were  _what?_ Before  _what?"_

"I've liked you for months, Lance. This probably isn't the best time to tell you, I know, but it's true."

Lance had to agree with her there: this was the  _worst_  time to confess, if she ever wanted Lance to be cured. "Pidge, how am I supposed to kiss you after you drop  _that_  bomb? You're telling me that you liked me this whole time, and now, you want me to make it so I don't like you back?"

"That's exactly what I want," Pidge said. She half-smiled at him, but it was melancholy and forced, like she'd only done it for Lance's sake. "Look, I'm flattered that you don't want to let me down, and I understand why you wouldn't want to be cured, but we can't do this forever. We'd constantly be jealous of the entire team, and it would be impossible to fight the Galra together, let alone form Voltron. And beyond that…." She trailed off, worrying at her lip, then gave one last silent plea with her eyes as she said, "Lance, it'd all be a lie. The whole thing would be a lie."

Surprisingly enough (even to himself), Lance didn't hesitate before he replied, "you're right." And she was. It wouldn't be fair to Pidge if he kept these fake feelings and pretended to love her, no matter how real it felt to him. He couldn't do that to her. "You're right. We need to kiss and get this over with. I'm so sorry, Pidge. I don't know what I'll do if I stop liking you."

"Don't worry," she assured him, but her eyes were shining and her lip was trembling. "That's exactly what I'm expecting."

"I'm sorry," Lance said again, and he kissed her.

* * *

"That all makes sense," said Shiro, who'd been listening diligently to Coran's explanation. "I just have one more question: why was I affected differently? I didn't see anyone else trying to kill anyone."

"Except Lance," Hunk corrected, shooting Keith a smirk. Keith, in turn, rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms over his chest.

Shiro turned to Keith. "Lance? What did Lance do?"

"Forget about it," he muttered back, rolling his eyes again. Shiro didn't know everything that had happened to him over the past couple days, but he could understand why Keith was so upset—especially if Lance had tried to  _kill_  him. Hadn't Lance been less affected than everyone else?

Regardless, he rested a hand on Keith's shoulder to placate him. Keith would have to tell him what had happened later.

"To answer your question," Coran said, bringing Shiro back to the topic at hand, "the drug has a few different effects depending on the user. Although the drug was originally used as a simple prank, the consent issues surrounding it made it illegal about a hundred and thirteen deca-phoebes ago-"

"Wait, so how'd it get released, if it's illegal?" Hunk asked.

"One of the Nikoni was synthesizing and selling it on the black market. You see, some people still find the drug useful for its second, darker purpose…." Coran trailed off, stifling a grin as he waited for someone to reply.

Shiro humored him. "And what  _is_  the second purpose?"

"To find out if someone returns your feelings!" Coran exclaimed, now smiling openly. "See, if the affected actually returns the feelings of the person in question, they experience a completely different set of symptoms that are only triggered when the person in question doesn't give the affected enough attention! These include irritability, jealousy, violent tendencies, dejection, and loss of appetite."

"Aren't those the five stages of grief?" Hunk whispered to Shiro.

Shiro shook his head, trying to look displeased as he stifled a grin.

Coran continued. "Anyway, some Nikoni would obtain the drug and give it to their love interest to see how they reacted. If the person didn't exhibit any immediate symptoms, they would confess and get together. If the person did, they would be knocked out and the person who administered the drug would kiss the person in their sleep. When they woke up, they would think it was all a dream."

Allura frowned. "That seems rather extreme."

Coran nodded, patting her on the shoulder as he said, "it is, but I suppose that's the fun, isn't it?"

Shiro couldn't quite see 'the fun' in manipulating someone's emotions like that, but that was probably why the drug had been made illegal in the first place.

Before he could think on that any more deeply, though, Hunk raised a hand to speak (like they were in grade school or something). "Wait, so Lance  _does_  like Pidge, after all?"

Coran shrugged. "If he didn't seem love-drunk, then he probably does."

* * *

As Pidge kissed Lance, the knots in her chest came unraveled. It was as if Lance's lips were a drug in their own right, unwinding her like a dose of depressants. For the first time in days, she could relax, the tension in her shoulders waning right alongside her endless anxieties. It was a gentle, soothing feeling, like the tides of the sea sinking lower against the moon's pull. She melted into Lance's arms, her chest resting against his own as he leaned down into her. Their arms were wrapped around each other, and Pidge felt safe (though vulnerable) in his hold. It was everything she would've wanted her first kiss to be: soft and gentle, romantic and passionate-

Drug-induced and doomed to end in heartbreak.

Finally, when she couldn't bear it anymore, Pidge pulled back. Lance was panting, his breath ghosting against her lips, his eyes half-lidded and locked onto her own.

"Pidge?" he asked, voice even and controlled.

Pidge averted her gaze. It felt too intense, looking right into his blue eyes while she spoke. "Yeah?"

Lance blinked—once, twice—like he was trying to force his eyes into focus. "I don't think it was just the drugs."

She felt a glimmer of unbridled hope race down to her fingertips, and she clutched at the fabric of Lance's hoodie. "What do you mean?" she asked. Though she tried to stay skeptical, she couldn't quite stifle the  _what-if_ 's crawling in her mind. She could consider the possibilities all she wanted, but that didn't make them any more real.

"I mean it wasn't just the drugs," he said again, this time with more confidence. He was smiling down at her, grabbing her shoulders with both hands and squeezing as he continued. "I do like you. I still feel the same way I felt before- I mean, without the wanting-to-kill-Keith part."

Pidge raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, it's crazy!" he replied. "I'd been holding back the urge to punch him in the face for hours, but now? Nothing."

"No!" In any other situation, Pidge would've socked him in the arm. Instead, she rolled her eyes, sure that Keith would be glad to hear this new development. "I mean, do you seriously like me? You're not sparing my feelings, are you?"

Lance's eyes flashed in realization—now he understood what she'd meant. "Of course not!" he replied in earnest, looking into her eyes. "You're- you're  _you._  I guess I was too dumb to see it before." He gave her a bashful smile, embarrassed by his own oblivion.

Pidge felt a burst of energy rise up inside of her, and she couldn't decide whether to be overjoyed that he liked her back, or upset that they'd been dancing around each other for so long. "You mean you got me all prepared for rejection when you liked me this whole time? I was about to cry!" Still, she could feel her eyes burning with what she really hoped weren't  _literal tears of joy_ , because that would be humiliating.

Lance seemed like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he choked out a flustered "sorry?" as he ran a gentle hand down her back, probably hoping it would calm her down.

However, his attempts to placate her had the opposite effect, and Pidge couldn't seem to blink back the tears that started sliding down her cheeks. Her only consolation was that it looked like Lance was doing the same thing, trying to blink away irrational tears. Frustrated, she scrubbed a hand across her face before groaning, "come here, you jerk!" With that, she pulled him back in, placing her hands on the sides of his face as they kissed again, tears streaming down their cheeks.

When they told the story later, they would both conveniently leave out the crying bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I forgot to add scene breaks on the previous chapter and I'm so sorry..... It's fixed now;;
> 
> The fic's pretty much done, but I'm working on a short epilogue right now that should be up soon! Thanks to everyone who commented, left kudos, or read the fic! It's been a lot of fun, and I can't believe I'm finally almost finished, holy crap. See you guys soon!
> 
> Also, shout-out to Engineer104 for correctly guessing the culprit!! You were totally right, it was Coran all along.


	15. Epilogue

"So you believed him just like that?" Keith asked, one eyebrow raised. After going over twenty-four hours without food, the paladins had all been starving, so Pidge and Lance had told their side of the story while they ate. Keith was sitting so close to Shiro that they were practically intertwined (Pidge wasn't even sure how it was possible to get that close, in Altean dining chairs), and he was giving Pidge a look full of healthy skepticism.

She couldn't blame him—Pidge herself couldn't quite believe that she and Lance had gotten together so easily. Some part of her was still wary, scared that Lance was just sparing her feelings.

"Yeah, that seems far-fetched," Hunk added, equally skeptical. He put on a teasing, British accent as he continued, " _ooh, Pidge, I've loved you this whole time, let us ride off into the sunset together just like-_  oh, I dunno,  _The Princess Bride_  or something?"

Pidge stifled a laugh. "Lance is terrible at lying, though. His voice always cracks and he gets all defensive." She paused to take another bite of food goo before she turned to Lance and said, "uh, no offense."

But Lance just waved her off. "Nah, you're good. I feel dumb for not noticing it before. I mean, I've been daydreaming about running my hands through your hair for months now."

"Aww, that's only a little creepy," Pidge replied, tone mocking, but she could feel her whole body heating up, and she couldn't help but imagine Lance's hands combing through her short hair.

Hunk gave her a knowing smirk. "Yeah, how didn't you guys think of going out before? You two literally adopted a cow together. You might as well be married."

Pidge shrugged, eyeing Lance as he put a giant spoonful of food goo in his mouth. "He has a point."

Caught off guard, Lance gulped down his food and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Yeah, yeah," he said, rolling his eyes. "I still wanna hear how Keith and Shiro got together." Lance was a complete mess; he seemed torn between blushing over Pidge and devouring his food. He'd probably only brought up Keith and Shiro to keep the attention off of him.

 _Nice diversion, loverboy,_ Pidge thought, smiling to herself.

Keith lifted his head off Shiro's shoulder and edged away from him before he replied. "I mean, technically, it can't be official until we annul the engagement."

Coran interrupted from the end of the table. "The engagement?"

"Oh, I suppose we never told you about that," said Allura, who was sitting primly next to Hunk. "When Keith and I were under the influence of the affection vapor, we got engaged."

"But how?" Coran asked. "There was no one to officiate."

And, though Pidge had only been half-listening (too focused on Lance), that got her attention. Did someone really have to officiate an Altean engagement?

By the way Allura's jaw went slack, Pidge guessed someone probably did. "You're right. And we didn't sign the official legal documents, either."

Keith did a double take at the two of them, completely taken aback. "Wait, so we never got engaged to begin with?" he yelped, gaping at Allura, eye twitching as he pursed his lips.

Allura shook her head. "No, we didn't."

"So we can take off these stupid friendship bracelets?" Keith asked, suddenly manic. He couldn't quite hold in his grin as he stuck a finger under the thin string of his engagement bracelet.

"Yes! We can!" Allura confirmed with a single nod as Keith snapped the string, shoving the remains in his pocket as Allura removed her bracelet too.

"Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up," Coran said, giving all six of them a guilty smile. "I'm also glad that you could all work out your, er, pressing relationship issues, even if this drug seemed to inconvenience you all. I do admit, I'm a bit surprised, though."

Allura frowned. "How so?"

Coran offered her a small shrug, then replied, "well, I could've sworn Keith and Lance were attracted to one another."

Keith and Lance both erupted at the same time. "What?!"

"Me and  _Lance?!"_  Keith cried, gesturing between the two of them with his index finger.

"But Keith has a mullet!"

"Lance and I are  _not_  into each other."

"Keith smells like BO and regret."

"Hey!"

Lance raised his hands in the air as if he were trying to pacify him (Pidge knew he wasn't). "I'm just saying," he told Keith, who growled curses at him under his breath.

Finally, Keith shook his head, turning back to Coran. "I just- I don't understand. We're always fighting, and we never agree on anything!"

Pidge was too amused by their antics to point out that Keith was being redundant;  _always fighting_  and  _never agreeing_  were almost the same thing.

"Exactly!" Lance shouted, raising an approving hand toward Keith. Pidge imagined he probably would've put a hand on Keith's shoulder, if they weren't across the table from one another.

"Well, you seemed to agree on that," Coran pointed out, and Pidge stifled a snort.

Keith shook his head again, like he just couldn't comprehend it. "I- wow, next you're gonna say you thought  _Shiro_  was into a  _girl._ "

"Actually, for a while-"

Shiro interrupted, speaking up for the first time since Pidge had finished her story. "No, nope, I don't even wanna know. Just, no."

"That's fair," Coran said, cringing on Shiro's behalf. "I also thought Hunk and Allura would get together. That would have been my guess."

Hunk raised an eyebrow. "You're insane."

"Definitely," Allura agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, didn't you know that Shiro's gay?" Keith added, which- duh, of course Coran knew that now everyone actually knew each other.

"And why does no one remember that I'm in a relationship with Shay?" Hunk asked, gesturing with his spoon (empty of food goo, of course).

"I'm not crazy!" Coran insisted. "Keith and Lance bicker like old, married klamurrls!"

Hunk deadpanned. "No, they bicker like five-year-olds. It's  _Pidge_  and Lance who bicker like they're married."

"We're not like five-year-olds!" Lance shot back. "We're just rivals."

Pidge was going to say that Lance and Keith weren't really rivals at this point, but Hunk spoke before she could. "Lance, one time Keith ate the last cookie and you said you wouldn't invite him to your birthday party."

Lance didn't look impressed. "And?"

"You didn't even have a birthday party this year," Hunk continued, tone reproachful. "None of us did—we don't know what time of year it is."

"Well, whenever we get back to Earth, Keith's  _not_ invited," Lance said, pouting like the five-year-old he insisted he wasn't.

Keith rolled his eyes as if he were too good for this, but he muttered back, "well I didn't want to go to your stupid party, anyway."

He'd said it under his breath, but Lance had heard it, and they started arguing again.

As they fought in the background, Hunk nudged Pidge on the shoulder. "I don't blame you if you break up with him over this."

"Hey, I've known him for three years now," Pidge said, smiling at Lance (his angry face was so cute). "I knew what I was signing up for. But I still tolerate him anyway."

Lance seemed to catch that last bit, because he turned back to look at Pidge.

Hunk leveled him with a teasing simper. "Aww, isn't that sweet?"

But Lance only hummed to himself, looking off in the distance as if recalling some memory. "I dunno Pidge. You seemed to be doing a bit more than just  _tolerating_ me earlier." As he cut off, he gazed at her, bright eyes boring into hers.

Pidge flushed as Lance smirked and added, "you almost seemed… smote."

"Oh my god," she groaned, face sinking into her hands. "That's not even a word."

"You used it earlier!" he retorted, still smiling as he jabbed an accusatory finger in her direction.

"I was flirting with you!"

"Because you were  _smote,"_  Lance said, emphasizing the 't'. "See, you're only proving my point!"

The others were laughing at them, but it was just background noise to Pidge. "Okay, fine, Lance," she conceded, finally dropping the act and smiling back. "I'm smote. Are you happy now?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Lance replied, dropping down to give her a peck on the forehead. "I'm smote for you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT. I FINALLY DID IT. HOLY CRAP.
> 
> look, no shade at klance (i ship it), but my roommate and i always joked that it was the *one* really popular ship i never really brought up in this fic and i had to lampshade it somehow
> 
> thank you to everyone who's followed me this far. this has been a crazy ride, and i can't believe it's over. all that's left to do is join keith's prayer circle!!
> 
> (spoilers for season seven below--beware)
> 
> as a note, I've always hc'd shiro as strictly into men, so hearing the news that he was gay at sdcc was incredibly gratifying (both for my headcanons and in terms of representation). that said, if you see him as bi or pan or something else, that's totally cool!! all shiro ships are valid <3


End file.
